


Mad Love Series Part VII: Burn it to the Ground

by kelztastic90



Series: Mad Love Series [7]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Harley Quinn (Comics)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-02-20 13:47:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 60,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2431076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelztastic90/pseuds/kelztastic90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harley made her decision and now she has to help her best friend through her trial. Continuation from Watch Me Burn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Mad Love Series, Part VII: Burn it to the Ground 

I know I left you.  
I know I broke your heart.  
I don’t think you’re ever going to forgive me, and I don’t think I’m ever going to forgive myself.  
But you broke my heart, too. You know that.   
You will be better off without me. 

Chapter 1: Burn it to the Ground 

When you fall, I’ll take my turn  
And fan the flames  
As your blazes burn  
We can’t wait to burn it to the ground.  
\- “Burn it Down”, Linkin Park 

Driving up to the prison was not exactly the first thing I wanted to do when I got to New York; shopping on Fifth Avenue would probably be priority but I’m being facetious. I mean, I wasn’t prepared to talk to Pam about what had happened between me and him. My sister had wanted to come with me, but I insisted that this was something I had to do alone. We had a lot to talk about and I was wary of how to go about it. I wanted to ignore it, to not talk about it at all really and by that I mean I would have rather been tit-punched 100 times than talk about it with anyone, but that didn’t seem very mature. Not that I’m the most mature person who ever lived or anything.   
When I got to the door, the guards checked my ID (now bearing my new name, which I still had to get used to) and I walked through the metal detector. They scanned my mint-condition Nebraska driver’s license and handed me a badge that said ‘visitor’.   
“Who are you visiting today…Annabelle James?” the woman at the front desk asked, furrowing her brow while reading my driver’s license.  
“Pamela Isley.” I replied.  
“Friend or family?”  
“Friend.”   
“Ok, the length of the visit will be limited to one hour and will be under direct supervision by security guards. You may not bring any food or electronic devices into the holding room. So I need your phone and any other electronics you have with you. I will give you a number so you can come back and get it at the end of the visit.” The woman said, and she held out her hand for my purse.   
I handed her my phone and my Kindle and she put it into the box. I didn’t like this system but I didn’t have much of a choice. I was lucky no had questioned my ID. I had changed my appearance a little since I had been back in the states; I dyed my hair a little darker blonde and started wearing my glasses again.   
“Oh my god, you’re finally here!” Pam jumped up and hugged me so tightly I couldn’t breathe, “Ew, are you wearing glasses?”  
“No touching!” snapped the guard who was wandering around trying to look intimidating with his stupid night stick thing.  
Pam merely gave him a dirty look and we sat down at the table.  
“Yes, I am wearing my glasses because I would prefer no one ask who I am. How are you?” I asked.  
“Well, it’s prison, you know, so I guess I could be better.” She said wryly.  
“Yeah, orange isn’t really your color.” I commented.  
“Hate you a lot right now.” Pam gave me a dead-pan look, “What took you so long to get here?”   
“Getting money together, you know, finding a not super expensive flight…” I rattled off some very excuse-like things in order to avoid the topic of my fleeing from domestic bliss.  
“What does it matter? You have money.” She looked puzzled. She obviously didn’t know still. Fuck. I was hoping someone else could have told her, but then again what the hell am I thinking? Who was going to tell her? The magical fairy who informs people of my stupidity? Man, that would be a full-time position.  
“No…no, I don’t. Not anymore.” I said reluctantly.  
“What?” she exclaimed, “What happened?!”  
“Umm…I just don’t have to access to money because I’m not exactly…” My voice caught in my throat, and I looked away, trying to avoid her piercing eyes.  
She stared at me for what felt like a thousand years and finally said, “Jesus Christ, Harley.”  
“Yeah.” I said weakly. There was nothing else I could say.   
“What did you do?”   
“What did I do?! What’s that supposed to mean?” I shot back at her.  
“Well, you obviously left him, not the other way around. What the fuck happened? Everything was fine!” she almost shrieked, but she knew she had tone it down while the guards were around, “What changed in the mere amount of hours since I talked to you last?”  
“Well, when we talked, I was already in Omaha…and everything wasn’t fine, Pam. You didn’t know. Things changed. He changed. He’s so…domestic now, so happy. It’s disturbing.”   
“That’s what we humans call ‘normal’, Harleen.” Pam gave me the most infuriating sarcastic look.  
“Don’t be condescending, it’s not a good look on you.” Oh, sarcasm right back. My defense mechanism as usual.  
“Don’t get pissy with me. You’re the one who fucked up here.” She pointed at me emphatically.  
“I don’t need to hear it. I did what I did and that’s all there is to it.”   
“You’re dodging the question.”  
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said obstinately, looking away from her, feeling the sting of tears forming at my eyes.  
“Don’t cry. Seriously. I’m not putting up with that.” Pam snapped, “Clearly you have some kind of problem that you’re not discussing with me. Are you not in love with him anymore? What about your daughter, Harley? Or did you just forget about her?!”  
“No, I still care deeply about him. The fact is that I think I do love him but I don’t like what he’s become. He’s not the same person I fell in love with, Pam. You know I feel even worse about leaving my child. Don’t throw that in my face. I love my daughter. I love her more than the world but I couldn’t leave him completely alone. That would have been too big of a blow for him to stand.”   
“Oh well, gee, at least you spared him that.” She said wryly.  
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to you to make you understand.” I shot back, “I made my decision and I can’t go back. I can’t make him be the person I fell in love with. He’s going to be happier without me. He just wanted a baby so he could find an excuse to stop being a criminal.”   
“Are you fucking kidding me?! You’re simplifying the story to make you look like the good guy.”  
“Duh?”   
“Harley I’m going to murder you where you stand.”  
“You’re already in jail. I think you should cool it.” I raised my eyebrow.   
“Are you trying to piss me off? Seriously?”  
“No, I’m trying to explain my side of the story but you’re not listening to me. And the point of me being here isn’t to share my ongoing melodrama.”   
“Oh, then pray tell, what is the point?” she leaned back in the metal chair, folding her arms across her chest.  
“The point is to figure out how to get you out of here.” I leaned in closer, “If I can get you transferred you to Arkham, I can find a way to make sure you don’t have to be there long.”  
“That’s your plan? Put me in the fucking nuthouse?”   
“Yes, oh ye of little faith, because I have a way of persuading the people that work there. I don’t think you should be worried about that. We just have to get you a good lawyer and you can plead insanity.” I said, “That’s the best thing we can do at this point. I can’t let you rot here for the rest of your life.”  
“Yeah, that would be nice.” She said wryly, “Did you talk to my parents?”  
I hesitated.  
She stared at me, “You need to tell me.”  
“I did talk to them. They are willing to come out here and help.”  
Pam’s face lit up, “Really? I can’t believe it, I – ”  
I interjected, “There’s a caveat.”  
Her face fell, “Somehow I knew it was too good to be true.”  
“Yes, they said they will come out here, provide all the money and legal help possible, if you just sit down with them and tell them the truth about why you are in prison. I didn’t want to share that information with them. I just told them that it was very complicated and you would have to explain when they get here.”   
Pam was quiet for a moment, “I’d have to tell them everything? Even the whole lesbian business?”  
“Yes I would imagine that goes along with the territory.” I replied.  
She looked at me right in the eyes, “I’m scared to do that.”  
“Well, you’re going to have to. They need to know everything before they hire a lawyer.”   
“Can you stay in New York until they get here and help them find a lawyer? I need someone that you can trust.” Pam grabbed my hands, “Harley, even though I’m beyond pissed at you right now, I need you. You’re my best friend.”  
“So are you.” I squeezed her hand, “It’s going to be ok. I didn’t buy a return ticket yet because I didn’t know what was going to happen. I’ll just call my sister and tell her I’ll come back when I can.”  
“Ok,” she looked relieved.   
The guard announced, “Visitors, 5 more minutes until visiting time is over!”  
Pam turned to me, panicked, tears fresh in her eyes, “Come back tomorrow.”  
“I will.” I promised. We both stood up.  
“I wish I could give you a hug but I don’t want to get yelled at.” I bit my lip.  
“I know.” She wiped at her eyes, “We’re going to get through this. I’m just terrified. I never thought that this would happen to me.”  
“Believe me, neither did I.”   
She walked me to the door, we said our goodbyes, and I gave her one last attempting-to-be-reassuring look, and left. After a couple of minutes, I was lost in the labyrinth of a prison. I finally came upon an open office door, and peered my head inside to ask for help. I froze. Barbara Gordon was sitting at the desk, filing some papers. She glanced up, and jolted.  
“Jesus Christ.” She breathed.  
“Fuck me.” I muttered.  
“What are you doing here? Aren’t you a fugitive from the law? I could arrest you right now.” She hissed.   
“Good luck with that, considering I am no longer legally Harleen Quinzel.” I leaned against the doorframe, “I would tell you to call the FBI but I think that would prove futile.”   
“How? How did you manage to get into witness protection? After all you’ve done?” she snapped, “You’ve killed people.”  
“I’ll just say it pays to know someone connected closely to the government.” By that I meant a little someone we know and love called Bruce Wayne.   
She narrowed her eyes, “You have a lot of nerve coming here.”  
“No, you have a lot of nerve talking to me like this, you cunt-bag.” I retorted, “You fucked over my only friend and now you have me to deal with. Me and two very rich people who can fix this little problem.”   
“There is no way in hell that you are going to get Pam out of this. I know everything she’s ever done.” Barbara sneered.  
“Barb, the only way I know is the way to hell.” DAMN I WAS PROUD OF THAT ONE.  
She glared at me, “I think you should just leave.”   
I stepped inside closer, closer until I was almost breathing on her, “I will leave. I just want you to know that you are dead. You will pay for what you did to Pam. That’s a promise, and I will make good on it. You have no idea what I’m capable of.”  
And with that, I turned around and strode out of the office before she could say another word. As I walked down the halls, I wanted so badly to give myself a high-five for being so bad-ass, but that would have been super lame. I won’t say whether or not I did it but it would have been super lame either way.  
I finally found my way out of the prison, retrieved my phone from the front desk and walked back out into the light of day. I looked down at my phone; a couple texts from my sister and one missed call from Bruce Wayne. I answered my sister’s texts first – she just wanted to know how the meeting with Pam had gone – and I didn’t know what to do about calling Bruce back. It was hard to explain, what happened between me and Bruce. I didn’t tell Pam the real reason why I had left the Joker, and I didn’t plan on telling her anytime soon.   
I got into my car, and drove back toward the city. I drove on until I reached Wayne Manor and parked in the garage; I had borrowed his ‘shittiest’ car, meaning his Mercedes-Benz that was 5 years old, because I didn’t want to draw too much attention to myself. I walked inside the house and Alfred was in the kitchen, making lunch.   
“Hello, Miss Quinzel, would you like anything to eat?” he asked.   
“Yes, please, whatever you’re making is fine, I’m sure.” I said.  
“A chopped salad and some spicy chicken sandwiches.” He elaborated.  
“That sounds great. You’re the best, Alfred.”   
“I’ve missed you being around, Miss Quinzel. That Selina Kyle was not my favorite person.” He remarked.  
I smiled, “What do you mean?”  
“It isn’t that she wasn’t kind to me or anything, but I did not like the way she treated Mr. Wayne, abandoning him like that, left to take care of his son.” He shook his head, “Such a shame.”  
I felt like someone had just punched me hard in the gut.  
He looked up, “Oh I am so sorry, I did not mean it like that, Miss Quinzel. I’m sure you had your reasons for –”  
“Alfred, don’t worry about it. I am punishing myself every day for it.” I sighed, and walked out of the kitchen to find Bruce.   
“He’s in the study!” Alfred called after me.  
“Thank you!” I called in return.  
I found Bruce sitting in his armchair, reading the New York Times. He hadn’t changed much. He smiled as I came in, “Hi.”  
“Hi.” I flopped down unceremoniously onto the couch.  
“What happened?” he asked, sitting down at the edge of the couch by my feet.   
“I talked to Pam, and ran into Barbara.”   
“Yikes.”  
“So eloquent, thank you.” I said sarcastically, “That encounter was venomous at best. I can’t believe you fight crime with her.”   
“She’s loyal. And Dick seems to like her. I can’t really avoid her.” He shrugged.  
“UGH.”   
“Elaborate.”  
“She’s just such a huge bitch. She ruined Pam’s life and you knew about it.”   
“I didn’t know about the whole relationship thing that she did. I was in Italy when that was going on. Dick was the mastermind behind that scheme. I only watched it happen. We weren’t exactly on good terms at the time so I wasn’t really thinking about the consequences. I also didn’t think that you were going to leave Italy, like…ever…so, you can’t really blame me.”  
“I understanding your justification but I don’t like it.” I sat up, “I talked to Pam, and we’re going to find her a lawyer. I have to call her parents and tell them to book their tickets to New York and it’s going to be a long haul. I’m going to have to stay in New York until it’s over. Are you sure you’re alright with me staying here? I feel like I’m freeloading.”   
“You’re not freeloading. I owe you big time. Plus you can help take of Edward.”   
“I think you’re being too nice to me.”   
“Harley, you don’t need to feel bad. You needed to leave the Joker. You had to. You shouldn’t have been with him in the first time, but that’s not the point. There are some things we can’t take back. He’s not going to come after you this time. He has Olivia to worry about.”  
As he was talking, I burst into tears. He rushed forward, and embraced me, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”  
“No, it’s not your fault. I just miss my daughter so much. I want her back, Bruce. I can’t stand being without her, but I had to leave her. I had to let him have her. He wanted that child so badly and I gave it to him. I couldn’t take her away from him. I couldn’t just leave him like that. He would have killed me. I did what I had to but it’s breaking my heart every single day to think she’ll never have me in her life.”  
“You don’t know that.” He said, “Maybe you guys will work something out.”  
“Oh yeah that seems totally plausible.” I snapped, releasing him, “I’ve lost his trust forever. You can’t tell me that you’ll ever trust Selina again. I don’t even know why you’re letting me stay here. I did the same thing she did.”  
“Yeah, but Selina and I weren’t happy. You know that. I knew she wasn’t happy. She’s too independent to be saddled with a boyfriend and a child. She also doesn’t have qualms about anything; she just does what she wants and fuck everyone else. You do care. You have a heart. You’re different than her. I’m not saying that what you did was right by any means, but in the circumstance you were in, you had to. I appreciate beyond anything that you came back here and told me the truth.”  
“Bruce, when he told me he was going to blow up Wayne Enterprises, that’s when I had to leave. I had to tell you. I couldn’t let you die and if that makes me sentimental, then that’s on me. I couldn’t let all this innocent people die because he has a grudge.” I cringed at the memory of when he told me a few weeks ago, when I was sitting at the kitchen table. He had told me over dinner, over spaghetti with our daughter in her high chair, like it was nothing. Like planting a bomb in Wayne Enterprises with the intention of killing everyone inside was no big deal. I knew then that I couldn’t stay there anymore.   
Even though I loved him when he was a monster, I couldn’t let him kill Bruce. I didn’t know what that meant, but my instinct told me it was the right thing to do. I called Bruce the next day when I got into JFK airport and he picked me up right then and there. I told him everything and he closed the offices the next day. He moved everyone to different locations and alerted the building managers, who said they were going to keep surveillance constantly at the building. We kept it hush-hush so that the Joker would think that he was blowing up Wayne Enterprises but he was going to find out after it was all over that no one was inside. I didn’t know when he was planning to do it, but I had to stop it. I had to sacrifice our happiness, my motherhood, for this.  
“I just really hope it was all worth it.” I said.  
“Harley, it will be.”   
“You don’t know that.”   
“What I do know is that you saved my life. You saved my employees’ lives. Even though there’s a lot of bullshit that has happened between us, I have to admit that you’ve saved me, and I am indebted to you. I will do anything to help you. You stay here as long as you like, do what you need to do. You’re free.”  
Free. Now that’s not a word I was used to hearing.


	2. Nothing Scares Me Anymore

Chapter 2: Nothing Scares Me Anymore

Honey, I’m on fire, I feel it everywhere  
Nothing scares me anymore  
Kiss me hard before you go, summertime sadness  
I just wanted you to know  
That, baby, you’re the best  
\- “Summertime Sadness,” Lana Del Rey 

Look, I know that my living temporarily with Bruce Wayne is completely and utterly shameful. I know that I’m stupid and blind. But at this point, I had to take what I could get as far as sympathy. My only friend was in prison and my sister lived in Nebraska. No real allies here. I made it clear to Bruce that being in his house didn’t mean we could get into any shenanigans. No matter how good he still looked. I would never not admit that Bruce was a handsome guy, a very smart and well-dressed guy, but he was volatile at best. He had a lot of problems that he had to work out, and I’m not saying I don’t either. That should be pretty obvious at this point in the game. Bruce and I had a mutual understanding of our roles in each other’s lives. Or, at least, I think we did.  
After Bruce went out to run some errands with Edward, I called Pam’s parents again to relay the ‘good’ news. Pam’s mother, Angela, picked up, “Hello?”  
“Hi, Angela, it’s H-Annabelle James.” I still kept fucking up when it came to my fake name.   
“Hello, Annabelle.” She said, sounding a little tense, “How did it go today? What did Pamela say?”  
“Pam is ok with you guys coming out here and she was reluctant, but willing to tell you the truth about what has happened since she left. I had to persuade her, but she’s willing.”   
“Ok, that’s good to hear. Michael and I will book a flight as soon as possible and perhaps I can give you a call when we get there.” She said.  
“Yes, please do. Pam really wants me to be involved in the lawyer process. She trusts you but I know a little more about her situation.”   
“Yes, that makes sense to me. I can’t thank you enough, Annabelle, for all that you’ve done for Pam. I appreciate that you have stood by her through all of this, even though you live so far away.”   
“Oh, it’s no trouble at all.” I said dismissively, “Please, don’t worry about it. Give me a call when you know more about when you’re getting here and I will talk to Pam for you.”  
“That would be great.” She affirmed, “I’ll give you a call soon.”  
“Alright, talk to you later.”   
“Good-bye.” We hung up.  
I didn’t know why Pam was so weird about her parents. Her mom seemed pretty nice for a woman whose daughter was facing life in prison and hadn’t seen her for like 8 or 9 years, let alone talked to her in that amount of time. It takes a lot of love to do what they’re doing for her. Pam always just made it sound like they were shitty parents and were super distant when she was growing up. I didn’t totally believe everything she said because she held grudges like nobody’s business, but her mother did seem kind of uptight. I hadn’t even spoken to her father so I didn’t know how he was feeling about the situation. I guess I would find out soon enough.   
And I was starting to get a little anxious, considering I had sort of lied to Pam about what her parents said. Her parents had agreed to come help, no caveats necessary, but I told a little white lie to Pam so that she would at least tell them the truth. I’m sure she was going to kill me for doing this, but she needed to make up with her parents. They loved her and cared about her, and she needed to see that.  
I turned on a marathon of Sex and the City playing on E! and stared at the television for a couple hours. I had to do something mindless. There was just way too much going on in my head. I didn’t really know what to do. Some days I just wanted to cry, some days I just wanted to die, scream, throw things at a wall. I think I had just gotten used to the idea that I was a bad person all these years, that I belonged with the Joker because I was willing to throw my life away for him. All the times I could have been happy. All the times I could have been normal. I threw them away. When he told me what he was planning to do, I panicked. I couldn’t let him kill people. Maybe I actually was a good person in a way? But then again, not. It was all so very confusing. Thanks, moral ambiguity!  
Bruce came home, Edward in tow. Every time I saw Edward, it felt like he was just getting bigger and he looked more and more like Bruce every day, which sort of used to hurt my feelings, but now it was endearing in a way. He did have Selina’s big, expressive green eyes and her paler skin tone. He was like almost 9 months old now. I knew because he was 2 months older than Olivia. I felt a pang surge through my heart.   
Bruce looked at me, “Are you okay? You seem distant.”   
“I’m thinking about…” I glanced at Edward.  
He picked up Edward, who was fussing a little, and sat down next to me on the couch. He looked up at the TV, “How many times have you seen these episodes?”  
“None of your business.” I said swiftly.  
He smiled, “I know you’re upset. I think that, if you really want to, we could investigate some legal action and get Olivia back to you. I think that the government would probably frown upon the fact that a known fugitive is taking care of a baby.”  
“He’s such a good father, though.” I sighed, “That’s not the problem. I just don’t know if I am going to leave him indefinitely. I am going to have to talk to him eventually.”   
“He hasn’t even tried to contact you at all?”   
“No.” I shook my head, “Nothing. He has his ways of finding out where I am. I’m sure he does know by this point.”   
“Then why do you think he hasn’t tried to talk to you?”   
“Probably because I’ve done this before, as embarrassing as it is. I have the tendency to run away when I get overwhelmed.”  
Bruce was silent.   
I flushed, “Yeah, I guess you would know.”  
“Yeah, that’s a fun memory.”   
“Sorry.” I said quietly.  
“I mean, haven’t sufficiently been hurt by that enough, need to be reminded of it once in a while.” He said, simpering.   
“Ok, sarcasm unnecessary.”   
“Please just continue.”   
“What I was saying was that he knows how I am. Maybe he’s just expecting me to come back sooner or later and he’s not that worried. But at the same time, I guess it does look a little suspicious that I bolted as soon as I found out about him wanting to blow Wayne Enterprises sky high.” I bit my lip.  
“You’re just considering this now?” he raised an eyebrow.  
I cringed, “Yeah…”   
“Harley, for someone so smart, sometimes you really do not think.”   
“Hey, don’t start getting sassy with me.” I snapped, “I know you harbor a lot of bad feelings for me, but you don’t need to get on my case. I saved your life.”  
“Ok, well, now here you go.” He rolled his eyes, “You’re going to hold that over my head for the rest of my life. I’m not denying that I’m still indebted to you but you are definitely not allowed to keep bringing that up to get me to do what you want.”  
“I thought it would be a perk.” I said wistfully.  
He gave me a dead-pan glare, so I wiped the smile off my face.  
“Anyway,” he continued, “You need to at least talk to him.”  
“I’ll get around to it eventually.”  
“That’s not a sufficient response.”  
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I am definitely not going to talk to him right now. He’s probably kinda pissed off at me.”   
“Kinda?” he reiterated in a condescending tone.  
“Yes, well, I’m not flawless. All evidence to the contrary.”   
He didn’t laugh.  
“Dude, give me something. I’m drowning over here.” I held out my hands, and he gave me Edward, who stumbled over a couple syllables, “Ba…da…”  
I smiled, “God, he’s already starting to talk.”  
“Yeah, he mostly says ‘baba’ or ‘dada’ for the most part.” He played with Edward’s little chubby fingers, “They grow up too fast.”  
“I hope I know the feeling.”   
Bruce fell silent for a moment, and finally said, “You know, we could go get Olivia. We can raise her and Edward together. Maybe they’d even get married or something.”  
“You tell me that I don’t think sometimes.” I exhaled deeply, “That’s just not going to happen. You are way too much of an idealist. It’s that good guy part of you. That’s not how the real world works, Bruce. And I think you’re starting to get into some dangerous territory here.”  
“Sorry, sorry.” He said, shaking his head, “I didn’t mean for you to think about it that way. I just meant that we could get her back here and we would still be good friends, we could hang out with our children together. That’s what I meant.”  
“Yeah, I get it.” I said, giving him a half-hearted smile, “I would really like that.”  
I was getting nervous about the way Bruce was talking. I knew that my staying here was going to be a problem, that old feelings were going to surface. Blargh. He’s a fucking idiot.   
“Did you talk to Pam’s parents?” he asked.  
I secretly was relieved he changed the subject.  
“Yeah, I did. They’re booking the flight to come out here as soon as possible. They really need to find a lawyer when they get here, so could you maybe recommend one?”  
“Definitely. Let me check my contact list and I can maybe get you one of the lawyers we contract for out of office disputes.” He said, standing up, “I’ll put Edward down for his nap.”  
“Ok.” I said, gingerly handing him over, “That would be great if you could find someone. Obviously, price is no object.”  
“Yeah, I assumed. I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”   
“Perfect, thanks.”   
He left the room and I was left with my thoughts. Yes, I know how absolutely cliché that is. I never said I was a perfect writer.   
…  
Angela Isley called me later that day to tell me that they had booked their flight to New York to arrive the following Monday, and I informed Bruce. He said he would send a car, but I insisted that I at least go pick them up. To me, it just seemed very strange to let them come here by themselves, so he agreed that he would go with me. I didn’t think that was necessary but, like I had before, he insisted.  
We got to JFK about an hour before they were supposed to arrive. We waited in the terminal, and I just stood there awkwardly.  
“Maybe we should have brought a sign or something.” Bruce joked.  
I gave him a dead-pan look.   
“Kidding!”  
“Yeah, it just wasn’t a good joke.”  
“You’re a bit sassy today.” He commented.  
“Honey, I’m a bit sassy every day. It’s my coping mechanism.”   
He rolled his eyes. He looked up and nudged me, “You think that’s them?”   
I looked in the direction he was pointing and saw a late 50’s-age couple walking towards us. The woman was curvy, but still very much in shape for a woman her age, with straight auburn hair and dressed in a chic black long-sleeved dress and carrying a Dior purse. The man with her was taller, distinguished, with greying hair that was once brown, and dressed sharply in a Ralph Lauren sweater and khakis. They had to be Pam’s parents.   
I waved at them, “Angela! Michael!”   
She squinted at me, and then waved back, “Oh, hello dear!”   
We walked up to meet them. Michael shook Bruce’s hand, “Hello, Mike Isley. Are you Annabelle’s husband?”   
“Oh Jesus no.” I interjected quickly.  
All of them laughed. Angela pulled me into a hug, “Nice to finally meet you, dear.” She had one of those East Coast fancy voices, like I only imagined Katherine Hepburn had.   
“Nice to meet you, too. God, you look so much like Pam.” I said.  
“I hope that’s meant to be a compliment!” she chuckled, “Pam always did take after me, right, Michael?”   
“Indeed.” He said.  
I looked over at Bruce and raised my eyebrows. Indeed? Indubitably, old bean.  
“I’m Bruce Wayne.” Bruce said, shaking Angela’s hand.  
“Oh, yes, the multibillionaire! We’ve heard of you. I think one of your team came out to Seattle to work with Michael’s company.” Angela smiled widely.  
“Right, right, you guys work in environmental business, wind and solar energy?” Bruce nodded.  
“Yes, I’m semi-retired now, but I still go into work every day.”   
“Oh, he’s a workaholic. I need someone at home to drink martinis with me!” Angela rubbed Michael’s shoulder, “But he’s a good husband, always providing.”  
“I bet!” I said. I think Pam had been quite wrong about her parents, at first impression. Yeah, they were a little snooty, but Bruce and I didn’t have problems with that. We grew up in the 1 percent circuit, the fancy dinner parties and the monocles. I mean, not a lot of monocles, but I saw a few, I promise.   
“Well, the town car is waiting, so can I help you with your bags, Angela?” Bruce asked.  
“Thank you darling, that would be wonderful.”   
We walked out to the town car, packed it up, and we were on our way.  
“How far do you live from the prison, dear?” Angela asked, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.  
“About 45 minutes to an hour.” Bruce replied, “Annabelle will drive you. She’s been there already.”  
“Oh good.” Angela turned to me, “How are the conditions?”  
“Umm, well, it’s a prison…”  
“Right, right, what the hell am I thinking?” she shook her head, “I guess I’m a little out of touch.”  
“No, it’s fine. I understand. It’s not that horrible, I guess. Pam has her own cell which she says is lucky, the best possible scenario.” I felt weird talking about this. It seemed very surreal.   
“Yes, I suppose it is.” Michael said, and fell silent.  
I saw Angela grab his hand and squeeze it. Clearly they both were affected, but Angela was just a little better at putting on a show.   
“I think we will just have to assess it for ourselves.” She said, forcing a smile.   
“Yeah, definitely.” I affirmed.   
“I will have you guys stay up in the guest bedroom. It’s got a queen-sized bed, your own bathroom, so you won’t have to worry about running into us or anything.” Bruce changed the subject, “And my butler, Alfred, is there to help you with anything you may need while I’m not around. I do have to go back to work tomorrow, but Annabelle will show you guys around too if you want.”  
“Yeah, for sure.” I agreed with him, “We want you guys to have the best time possible. I know the circumstances aren’t ideal, but…”  
“That’s very sweet, Annabelle, and yes, Bruce, that all sounds lovely.” Angela said, “First class service all the way.”  
We arrived back at Wayne Manor, and Bruce and I left Angela and Michael to unpack and get acquainted with their new lodgings. We went down to the kitchen to grab a snack and process what had just happened.   
He sighed, handing me a can of soda, “God, they must be in hell.”  
“I know. She acts so strong, but she’s not. I know she’s not. But maybe they’ll feel a little better once they see her.” I said, shrugging, “I felt better once I saw her. I think that the unknown was scarier.”  
“Yeah.” He said simply, “Aren’t you worried that she’s going to find out that you lied to her?”  
“I don’t plan on being there for that. I’m going to wait in the waiting room the whole time. I really would prefer not to run into Barbara the cunt-bag Gordon again.”  
“She’s not that bad of a person.”  
“You are talking about the enemy, so I’m ignoring you.”  
“Fine, fine. I think you should be there to talk to her. She’s going to freak if you don’t.”   
“I hate it when you’re right.” I pouted.


	3. You See Through Me

Chapter 3: You See Through Me

I always thought it was a shame   
That we have to play these games  
It felt like you really knew me.  
Now it feels like you see through me.  
\- “Sunset”, The xx 

“Thank you ever so much for driving us to the prison, dear.” Angela said, taking out her compact and checking her make-up application, “We really appreciate it.”  
“Oh, it’s my pleasure.” I said, “I want to help as much as I can. Bruce said he’ll make some calls to his company lawyers and see if they can recommend anyone for the trial.”  
“That would be great.” Angela nodded, “He seems like a very fine man, that Bruce. Are you sure you two aren’t dating? I sense a little…something between you.” She intertwined her fingers to illustrate her point.  
“Oh no, that’s not a thing.” I said, shifting uncomfortably in the driver’s seat, trying my very best not to look her in the eye, “Well, I mean, we dated a couple years ago, but it didn’t work out.”  
“Ah, I see, unrequited love. I could tell. I think he is still in love with you, dear. You’d better be careful.”   
“Noted.” I said simply. Jesus. Was it that obvious to everyone around us? Angela didn’t even know us and she was picking up on the bad vibes. Ugh, that was quite unfortunate.  
“Is this prison honestly terrible? I just want to be prepared.” Mike finally piped up.  
“It’s…I don’t know what I was expecting, really. I’ve never been in a prison.” I lied. They don’t need to know about my past. Not yet, at least, “I think that it’s livable. I imagined worse.”  
“Well, that’s fine, then.” He said, “I think we all expect the worst in these situations.”   
“Yes, very true.” I affirmed.  
Pam’s father was not as good of an actor as her mother was; I mean, maybe her mother was more optimistic, tougher emotionally than her father. My parents had been the same way. My father acted very tough and stiff when he was at work – obviously as a surgeon he had to be objective – but when my mother fell ill, he lost it completely. I knew then that my mom had been the rock of that relationship, and I was getting that same impression from Pam’s parents. It’s funny how that works out. It also made me more at ease, that I could deal with them easier than I had hoped.  
We arrived at the prison, and Angela lowered her vintage Chanel sunglasses to survey the place, “My goodness, it’s quite stark, isn’t it?”  
I resisted the urge to utter something sarcastic, and instead merely said, “Yes.”  
“Let’s get to it.” She straightened her sunglasses and unbuckled her seatbelt, “Ready, Michael?”  
“As I’ll ever be.”   
We got out of the car, and Angela strode in front of us. She opened the door and peered inside, “Who do I talk to about seeing a visitor?”  
The woman working at the receptionist’s desk raised her hand, “Over here, ma’am.”  
She walked over, placing her black leather purse next to her on the desk, “Yes, hello young lady, I am here to see my daughter, Pamela Isley. We made an appointment.”  
The receptionist gave Pam’s mom the once-over. I was pretty sure they weren’t used to seeing upper-class women in there, let alone one of Angela’s stature and blunt personality. She checked the visitor’s list, “Yes, I see that we have Angela and Michael Isley, and another woman named Annabelle James for today.”  
“That’s us.” I said, pointing at Mike and then myself.   
“I need your ID’s.” she said, holding out her hand. Michael and I pressed our driver’s licenses into her open palm and she looked at them briefly, handing them back. I was very glad for our clearly nonchalant justice system that they didn’t ask me questions about my ID.   
“Thank you. You must leave all electronic devices up here with me.”   
Angela blinked a couple of times, “Really?”  
“Yes, ma’am.”  
Angela glanced at Michael, “It’s like the 1800’s in here.”  
“That’s the rules, ma’am.” The receptionist said, raising her eyebrow, “You may take your purse but you must hand over your cell phone or any other devices.”  
“UGH.” Angela said audibly, and dug through her purse, handing the woman her iPhone, Kindle, and iPad. Michael handed over only his Blackberry and I gave them my iPhone.  
“Enter the visitor’s center through those doors over there on your left. I will page the guard to bring the inmate to you.” She said, pressing a button that buzzed us through the doors.  
“Inmate?” Mike muttered, “How barbaric.”  
I bit my lip, suddenly feeling very anxious. I never thought I’d be there to see Pam and her parents’ reunion after 5 years of barely even speaking. I had no idea how this was going to go. I followed closely behind them into the visitor room, and the guard asked her who we were seeing, and Angela told them. He nodded, “You requested a private meeting, correct?”  
“Yes.” Angela replied.  
“Follow me, then.” He gestured at us.  
We followed him out of the room and down a long corridor to a bunch of closed doors. He took out his keys and opened one of the first doors on the left, and told us to go inside and take a seat, and that a guard would be bringing her shortly.   
We all took a seat at a table with four metal chairs. The room was quite bare, just white walls and a concrete floor.   
“Wouldn’t kill them to put a painting or something in here.” I commented, and the Isleys both laughed, which I hoped would lighten the tension a little.   
After a few more minutes, the door opened, and a tall, African-American burly security guard came through the door, Pam right behind him. She looked up and her eyes widened.   
“Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.” She said clumsily, “I didn’t think we would be meeting under these circumstances.”   
Angela reached forward to embrace her, “At least hug me before making apologies.”   
Pam looked at the guard, and he nodded. She hugged Angela for a long time, and then hugged her dad, a little more stiffly.   
The guard said, “I will be waiting right outside the room if you need anything.”  
“Thank you.” Mike said, and the guard closed the door behind him.   
Silence.   
Finally, I opened my mouth to alleviate the sheer awkwardness, “How are things going today, Pam?”  
She glared at me, “Really? That’s the first thing you want to say?”   
“Pamela, don’t be rude to your friend.”   
“Here we go.” Pam folded her arms across her chest, “Fantastic start.”  
“If you’re going to be a bitch, we can leave.” I snapped right back at her, “Your parents came all the way from Seattle to help you and you know as well as I do that it took a lot for them to get on that plane. You’re being ungrateful.”  
She fell silent for a moment, and Angela touched my shoulder, “Annabelle, I think we can take it from here.”  
I sat back and just let them talk.  
“Pamela, let’s just start from the most important point. Why are you in prison?”   
“Mom, it’s way more complicated than you can imagine and I don’t think you want to hear all of the things I’ve done.”  
“Well, we’re going to have to hear about all of it because we don’t want to be surprised in court when it all comes out.” Angela retorted. I was impressed. She made a fair point.  
Pam couldn’t deny that. She sighed deeply, “Ugh, where do I even begin?”  
“Just tell us everything. We have to hear it.” Her mother coaxed.   
“Ok, well, I guess it started when I went to Harvard.”   
“All the way back then?” her father raised an eyebrow.  
“Yes, dad. During my sophomore year, I met Dr. Woodrue.” I saw the pain flash across her eyes, and I remembered briefly our encounter with him, “Dr. Woodrue encouraged me to do work him as his assistant in the biology department, which I did. Not long after I started working with him, we started sleeping with each other.”  
“Pamela…” her mother said quietly.  
“Yes. At the time, yes, he was married. I was in love with him. I didn’t care. I thought he would leave his wife for me, but instead, he took advantage of me. He experimented on me, injecting me with toxins. My skin turned green for months; I still can’t quite get it out, no matter what I’ve tried. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to see him go to jail and I knew I’d get kicked out anyway because I had an unprofessional relationship with a professor. So, I dropped out at the end of my junior year, and got a job at a clothing store so I could just get by, live on my own. Obviously, you guys never knew about any of this.”   
Pam’s parents were astoundingly quiet during this whole exchange. Finally, Angela said, “So, whenever I called, you told me that you were really busy with class. You told me that you didn’t want to go to graduation and you didn’t want us to fly out because it was expensive. You told us you got a job at a lab in Boston.”  
“All lies, yeah. Mom, if you’re mad now, you’re going to hate me soon. Are you sure you’re prepared to hear the rest of this story?”  
“Yes, I am.” She said, composing herself, grabbing Mike’s hand, “Continue.”  
“I moved to New York after not being able to find full-time work. I thought maybe it would be better there, that maybe I would go back, finish school. I didn’t. I started working at a florist, making just a little over barely enough to live in a small studio apartment and buy myself some food on a regular basis. I thought maybe it would turn around. Then the florist cut back on my hours. I looked for other jobs. Nothing was panning out. I was panicking.”   
“Why didn’t you call us and tell us what was happening? We would have sent you money.” Mike interjected.   
“Don’t even lie to my face like that. You would have freaked. You would have told me that I deserved to be poor after what I did.”  
“Why in God’s green earth do you think I would tell you that? What ever gave you the indication that we are heartless?” Angela snapped, “We are your parents.”   
“Mom, honest to God, you were emotionally distant at best when I was growing up. There was nothing I could ever do to please you, and of course, true to form, I have disappointed you once again. Congratulations for knowing me better than anyone else on the planet.” She said with venom,   
“Let me finish my story. I got desperate. Worse came to worse, and I thought about someone who could help me. I had a friend at Harvard who used to sell marijuana, cocaine, Adderall, what have you. I emailed him and asked him if we could meet up, talk. Turns out he lived in New York, had some cushy job at some law firm that his father hooked him up with. Typical trust fund brat. He initially wanted nothing to do with me, but I persisted. He gave me contact information for one of his main dealers, and I talked to him. I worked for him, started at marijuana, graduated to heroin and prescription drugs. I was making so much money I didn’t know what to do with it. I started getting concerned that we were going to get caught, so I backed out, paid him off to not say anything. I got a nicer apartment, a nicer car, lived like a fucking queen. I got power hungry. I wanted something bigger than dealing prescription drugs to ignorant freshmen at NYU and Columbia. I used my connections to get chemicals, biological warfare kind of stuff.”  
“Jesus Christ.” Angela and Mike said at the same time.  
She raised her eyebrows, “I told you it was going to get worse. My crimes escalated, poisoning air and water, for example. I came in contact with the Joker, then. I imagine you’ve heard of him?”  
My back stiffened. How could she mention him in front of me? She deliberately kept eye contact with her mother.  
“Yes, I’ve heard of him. They say he’s one of the most elusive fugitives in New York’s crime history.”   
I couldn’t help but a smile a little to myself.   
“Yes, that would be him. He wanted me to get in with him on a job. His ex-girlfriend was hiding out at Bruce Wayne’s mansion and he wanted to blow the place sky-high, but he didn’t want his lady friend to get blown up along with it. My job was to help plant the bombs, and be around the area to help scoop up Harley – that’s her name – before she got crushed.” She bit her lip, her eyes averted from mine.  
I had literally heard none of this part of the story before. It all made sense, but I was still completely shocked. She helped plan Bruce’s murder, and she never fucking told me. All these years, she never told me. I could understand why, but it didn’t make it right. I had to sit there and stew for the time being. I couldn’t give anything away about my true self.   
“I rescued her, took her to live with me, and nursed her back to health. We became very close during that time. Here comes the complicated part of my story. You see, I’ve always considered myself to be at least bisexual.”   
Mike closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. Angela remained silent.  
“Ever since Jason, I wanted no part of men. I had feelings for Harley, but she rejected me. I was depressed for months over it. I mean, really, I never fully got over it. But she was in love with Bruce, and he with her. They were going to get married. I wasn’t going to ruin anything. I found another girlfriend, and her name was – I mean, whatever, is – Selina Kyle, otherwise known as Catwoman, a jewel thief. Selina was also bisexual, but we just had a fling. It turned into a romance, but she was also having a little affair with Bruce Wayne and got pregnant with his child.”  
“This is like a fucking soap opera.” Angela commented.  
“You’re telling me.” I said, finally speaking up.   
“She wanted nothing to do with him and we stayed together. We…got married.”  
“WHAT?!” Angela stood up, and Mike put a hand on her arm, “Calm down, dear.”  
“MARRIED. Without even telling us anything?!”  
“I didn’t think you would exactly want to walk me down the aisle to my pregnant girlfriend.”  
“That’s…kind of true.” She said, sinking back into our seat. She looked pale, haggard after all this information.   
“We moved to Wyoming together, along with her son Edward. We were happy for a short period of time, but she grew unhappy very quickly. She and Bruce ran away to Italy, with Edward. I was devastated.”   
“This legitimately should be a TV show, you could write a TV show.” Angela muttered.  
“I got myself back on my feet, did what I could to survive. I got rid of the house – actually, I think I still own it, I should probably check on that – and moved back to New York. I met a girl named Barbara. We got close very quickly, but it turned out she was working for the Gotham police department the whole time; her father is the commissioner. You’ll probably meet him. So, here I am, in prison, basically fucked over by my own indiscretions.” Pam said, exhaling deeply, “God, it feels pretty good to actually say all this stuff out loud.”   
Meanwhile, Angela and Mike were just sitting there, mouths agape. Mike finally turned to me, “You knew about all of this?”   
“Yes, 99 percent of it.” I said, glaring at her pointedly, “A few details were amiss.”  
“Well, now that we know everything, we need to get a lawyer, right?” Angela said, sitting back in her chair, “Annabelle, you said Bruce can help us with that?”  
“Yes, he can. He’s got a couple people we can meet with tomorrow and explain the case. They’re sharks, I assume.” I replied.  
“We’re definitely going to need a shark.” Angela pursed her lips, “Good Lord, Pamela, what the hell have you done?”  
“I ask myself that question every day, Mom.”  
…  
We talked to Pam for a few more minutes, and then they told us that visiting hours were over unless we had to be there otherwise, which we didn’t, so we all gave her a hug goodbye. We told her it was going to be alright, that we were going to take care of everything. She just gave us her bravest smile, and they sent her on her way.   
The whole walk to the car, Angela and Mike were dead silent. They were dead silent even when we got in the car and halfway back to Bruce’s, Angela finally said, “I don’t know how we’re going to win this.”  
“Thank God someone said something.” Mike sighed with relief, “Honey, this is worse than we ever imagined.”   
“Yes, well, this is our daughter in there. We have to do something.” She said firmly.  
“I know, I know, dear. I’m just…thinking that this is very, very bad. She’s done some really illegal stuff here, and on top of that, she was caught red-handed. She admitted everything to this Barbara person.”  
“Do you know her?” Angela shot at me, startling me from my zoning out on the road.  
“Yeah, I met her a couple times. Didn’t really think too much of her, but I wanted Pam to be happy.”  
“What about this Harley person? Do you think we should contact her? Does she have anything to do with this? It sounds like they were very close.”   
“They are very close.” I affirmed, trying not to betray my personal feelings, “But she lives in Italy.”  
“I have reason to believe that she doesn’t live in Italy.”   
My heart pounded in my chest. I barely heard myself say, “Oh, really? And why would you think that?”  
“Because I’m talking to her right now.”


	4. My Stage Now

Chapter 4: My Stage Now

I’ve seen the world, lit it up as my stage now  
Channeling angels in the new age now  
Hot summer days, rock and roll  
Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?  
\- “Young and Beautiful”, Lana del Rey 

I’m pretty sure I almost drove into the nearest median but I held my ground, “What do you mean, Angela?”  
“I mean I know you are Harleen Quinzel.”   
“How?” I asked weakly. I had to give in, because there was no point in denying it.  
“Bruce.”  
“I figured.” I sighed.  
“He didn’t want us to be lied to.”  
“Are you trying to make me feel guilty?” I asked.  
“No, not really, dear. I know why you have to hide.” Angela shrugged, “Don’t worry, I’m not planning on telling anyone.”  
“Well, I figured you wouldn’t, but I just have to keep it quiet.”   
“We understand.” Mike said, “We just didn’t want you to keep up the charade around us. It’s better this way.”  
“No, you’re right. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you guys to be put in danger or anything. Bruce has a big fat mouth.”   
“He is looking out for your best interests.” Angela chided.  
“Bruce Wayne only ever looks out for Bruce Wayne.” I said, shaking my head.   
“Ah, your history is very complicated.” She said sagely.  
“Oh, honey, is it ever.”  
“I could sense that there was a closeness but I didn’t know what kind. Pam said you guys were engaged?”  
“Yes.” I answered curtly.  
“What happened?”  
“I really don’t feel like rehashing this stuff.”   
“Briefly explain.”  
What was she, a college essay? “Briefly explain how your life is so fucked up” by Harleen Frances Quinzel. That could be a dissertation.  
“We dated, got engaged, I didn’t want to settle down, so when the Joker crashed our wedding, I went with him, had his child, and then I left him too.” Actually it didn’t sound as bad in a short sentence. Just have to leave out all the pain and emotional turmoil.  
“Wow.” She whistled.  
“Yup.” I drawled.  
Mike remained inexplicably silent during this conversation. Finally he said, “So, then, you’re the one she was in love with before, that she rescued from the building?”  
That hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.  
“Yes.” I replied.  
“Just double checking.” He pursed his lips, “Did you ever have feelings for our daughter?”  
“No, honestly, never. I’ve only ever considered her a friend, and she is my best friend. The best friend I’ve ever had in my life.” I said, and this was the absolute truth. I told Pam countless times that I was not interested in women, and it was true. I loved her in the way that one loves their sibling. Pam had done more for me than anyone else in my family or friends combined and she understood me. I would risk a little infatuation for that.  
“We didn’t doubt that.” Angela said, “Clearly you’ve given up your security to be here, and that shows us that you care just as much for her as she does for you.”  
“Of course.” I affirmed. We were pulling into Bruce’s driveway.  
We all piled out of the car and went in through the kitchen where Alfred was prepping for lunch.  
“Hello all.” He greeted us, “Things fare alright for you at the prison?”  
“As alright as they can be.” Mike replied curtly and he walked out.  
Angela looked at me, then at Alfred, “Well, I guess I should go after him. This has been a very emotional day.”  
“Yeah, I understand.” I said.  
She disappeared through the doors, calling, “Michael! Michael, darling, let me talk to you!”  
Alfred turned to me with a skeptical eyebrow.  
I mimicked putting a gun to my head, and he nodded sagely in agreement, “That bad, hmm?”  
“You have no idea, Alfred.” I sighed, and left the kitchen to locate Bruce.   
He was in his office, typing away at his computer while Edward was playing on a mat in the center of the floor with some blocks. I kneeled down by him, and helped him put a block on top of the other. He pointed, “Da!”  
I looked up at Bruce, who smiled, “Da is me.”  
“That’s entirely too precious. I’m going to throw up.” I said, beaming.  
He closed his laptop and sat on the floor, “Yes, I see, Edward. Good job. Did Harley help you?”  
Edward did not answer but continued to be focused on his block-building skills. He really was so much like Bruce; the dark hair, the skin tone, and the same focused attitude. His eyes were the only telling feature of Selina’s, green as jade, just like hers. I didn’t know if that hurt Bruce at all, to see a part of her still lingering around. It didn’t seem to bother him too much at this point. It had been a few months since she had disappeared without a trace. No one had heard from her since then. I imagined she’d turn up at some point in time, but who knows when that was going to be.   
“He’s the strong and silent type.” Bruce joked.  
“Just like his dad.” I agreed.  
“You think I’m like that?”   
“I would say 100 hundred percent yes, you are indeed like that.”   
He shrugged, “I guess I have to agree.”  
We were silent for a couple minutes, only listening to Edward gurgle his strange baby language and knock down his blocks.   
“So, how did it go today?” Bruce finally asked.  
“So, so very shitty.” I laid on my back on the floor.   
“Elaborate.” He instructed.  
“Pam told them pretty much everything and they are shocked, basically. Mike just stormed up to their room. I hope Angela can talk him out of this funk because we have a long fucking way to go.” I said, “And I found out that the Joker enlisted her to save me when he blew up part of your house. I mean, I knew that she was involved with him but I didn’t realize how far back that connection went, you know? I feel a little betrayed.”  
“I don’t blame you.” He started to massage my foot, which threw me off guard a little but I continued talking, “She told them all about the lesbian stuff, Selina, the professor…but she didn’t exactly tell them about what happened to Jason.”   
“Are you going to tell them?”  
“I don’t know. I think I should because I don’t want them to be blind-sided by the whole murder thing. Oh and uh, while I’m on the subject-” I pulled my foot away, “Thanks for telling them who I am, fuck-head.”  
“What do you want me to say? They need to know the truth before we move forward. It seems stupid and hypocritical for you to tell Pam not to lie and then you turn around and lie to them.”  
He had a point but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I acknowledged that.  
“Yes well…they brought it up and I was like fuck, considering Pam told them she used to be in love with me.”   
“How was that relevant to the story?” he furrowed his brow.  
“I don’t know but she decided to tell the truth on that and make it SO VERY AWKWARD.” I put my hands over my face, exasperated, “Jesus Christ.”  
“It’ll be fine, Harley.” He said reassuringly.   
“Yeah I figure it will be eventually but it still sucks.” I sat up, hugging my knees, “Did you talk to any lawyers today?”  
“Yes, I have three appointments lined up for you guys tomorrow. You can decide from there. They’re all excellent lawyers, recommended, so I think it just depends on who you guys can connect with the most and see how they would handle the case.”   
“Makes sense. Thanks for doing that.”   
“Not a problem. I just can’t be too involved in this, so I’ll do whatever I can do to help from the sidelines.” He shrugged, “Once you and the Isleys pick someone, make sure you set up a time for the four of you to go to the prison and meet with her to discuss the case.”   
“We will.”   
He grabbed my hand, “Are you ok? You seem sad.”  
“This is all just a little overwhelming. I never thought that this could happen, me leaving him, Pam going to jail, me being back here, reuniting Pam with her parents…this is a hot goddamn mess.” I wiped at my eyes, which were beginning to well with tears, “I don’t know if I can handle this on my own.”  
“You don’t have to.” He pulled me into a hug, and I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment. The whole embrace felt very familiar, very safe.   
“Harley?” he said quietly.  
I lifted my head, “What?”  
And then he kissed me. And I didn’t push him away. I let him kiss me. The part of me that was lonely and desperate let him kiss me. It was stupid but I did it. I’m sure everyone at this point in my life was sick to death of the constant back and forth between Bruce and me, but Bruce…Bruce was a part of my life I couldn’t let go. Bruce was with me through the toughest and most emotional times in my life. He was an indelible force, a love I would never regret. Sometimes I thought to myself, maybe the Joker was the person I had to learn from in love, but Bruce was always the solid choice, the husband. Who knew if this was ever going to be true? I just had to live in the moment and make my own choices.  
He put his hands through my hair, touched my neck gently, like he always used to do. The gesture was so familiar it gave me a chill. He wrapped his arms around me, putting his hands up the back of my shirt. I heard footsteps, so I tried to grunt, “Stop” but he jerked away, looking up suddenly.   
Angela was standing inside the doorframe, lips drawn into a thin line, “Hello.”  
“Hi!” Bruce scrambled to get up, “I’m sorry, Angela, this is extremely uncomfortable.”  
“In front of a baby.” She shook her head, “Shameful.”  
Bruce flushed, “Yeah, it got out of hand. Did you want to talk to me?”  
“No, to Harley, once she composes herself.” Angela gave me a pointed glare.  
I stood up, straightening my shirt, “Yes, let’s go up to my room.”  
“That would be fine.” She said and turned on her heel.  
I followed her and gave Bruce a helpless look. He said, “Don’t worry about it.”  
“We’ll discuss this later.” I snapped and then I strode after Angela. We went up to my ‘room’ in the house, which was primarily a guest room before I temporarily moved in. She sat down on the edge of my bed, kicking off her heels.   
“Close the door.” She demanded, and I obliged.  
I sat down on the bed, “What’s up?”  
“Well, I had other things I wanted to talk to you about, but I think we have something new we need to address first.” Angela folded her arms across her chest.  
“Yeah…” I couldn’t deny what had just happened.  
“I thought you weren’t together.”   
“We aren’t. Again, this is complicated. Bruce and I relapse from time to time and then I would keep going back to the Joker. But now, I don’t have him so I don’t know what I’m going to do.” It felt strangely good to admit that out loud.  
“You are certainly a sucker for punishment.”   
“That I am.” I affirmed.  
“That aside, you need to be careful with this. I imagine your ex-boyfriend is not going to be happy with this situation. He’s a criminal mastermind. Don’t you think he has you followed?”  
“He used to have me followed when we lived here, yes, but he got rid of his staff when we went to Italy. I mean, it’s entirely possible that he may have me followed now, but if he could talk to me like a man, that would help.”   
“You haven’t talked since you left?”  
“No. I left him a note. He has connections everywhere. I imagine he knows where I am right now, and that’s ok. He can’t exactly come out of hiding now because he has our daughter to worry about.”   
“Well, that’s the other conversation I wanted to have with you.”  
“Oh, Jesus.” I groaned.  
“Don’t groan. You have to listen to me, and listen well, alright? I have some very valuable advice for you and you may take it or leave it, but you need to listen.” Angela said, a slight hint of anxiety in her tone, almost frantic in a way.  
I sat back. This was serious.  
“Yeah, I’ll listen. Tell me what you want to say.”   
She exhaled deeply, “Harley, we have a lot more in common than you think. Let me tell you a little about myself. Do you know how Mike and I met?”  
“No, I never heard that story.” I shook my head.  
“Well, we met at work. I had just graduated from business school and got a job as an accountant at Mike’s company. I was the only female accountant there at the time. I thought Mike was a – what do you young people say now, a douchebag right? – a trust fund baby. His grandfather founded the company and his father and then Mike, all billionaires. One night, we had to stay for a company meeting and to work on a project and Mike and I ended up being the only ones left at like 3 o’clock in the morning, and I fell in love with him that night. But, there was a little complication: Mike was married.”  
“What?!” I exclaimed, “No way!”  
“Yes, he was married, but no children. He had only been married about 2 years, to his high school sweetheart. We started having an affair and I fell even more in love with him every day, and him with me. After about 6 months, I basically told him to shit or get off the pot with telling his wife. I said it was me or her and I meant it. He left her the next week. As soon as the divorce papers were finalized, we got married at the courthouse, no pomp or circumstance. We didn’t want children. Mike was incredibly busy at work all the time and I didn’t want to give up my freedom. I didn’t want to give up my body.”  
“Amen!” I said and she high-fived me.  
“Anyway, after a few years, many of me and Mike’s friends started having children. We always felt so awkward around them and people would always ask, oh when are you two having kids? And we never knew how to answer. We used to just say that we weren’t trying yet or we were too busy and waiting for work to slow down. We sat down to have a talk about it and agreed that maybe we should just let the cards fall where they may. A few months later, I was pregnant with Pam. I was terrified of the whole process, but my pregnancy went great, very little problems and Pamela’s birth was relatively quick and without complications. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my daughter the moment I saw her, but I never felt like a mother.” Her voice choked a little. I was shocked. I didn’t picture her to be an emotional person.  
“Believe me, I felt the same way.” I said, grabbing her hand, “Olivia was the love of my life, but I had no clue what to do about being a mother. I never felt like one.”  
“See, this is why we are having this conversation. I withdrew from my baby. I hired a nanny as soon as humanly possible, didn’t breastfeed, didn’t put her down for naps. I went to the gym and my tennis lessons and went shopping. I ignored my responsibilities for much longer than I care to admit. Mike was no help, either. He was constantly working and maintaining a business. So, when Pamela said I was cold and distant, she wasn’t entirely wrong. I was not there for her in all aspects of her life. However, what she forgets is that we paid for her to do whatever she wanted. I bought that kid a damn pony when she was 6 because she really wanted one, and she rode the thing once and got bored so I sold it to my house breeder friend so it didn’t go to waste. We paid for tennis lessons, dance classes, a brand new car on her sixteenth birthday along with a huge party. We went to her piano recitals and her gymnastics competitions and every important event of her life. We did not neglect her like she claims we did.”  
“Well, I grew up with the same advantages in life.”   
“I can tell. We sent her to the best schools, and she was so, so very smart. She got into Harvard and we were so proud. That girl could have cured cancer, but she threw it all away for a man. Go figure. But my point is, I was an emotionally distant parent and look what’s happened to her. I don’t want that to happen to your daughter. I don’t want her to suffer like Pam has and to end up like Pam. I don’t want you to be in the position that I’m in, knowing that your only child could go to jail for life.”   
“What do you want me to do, Angela? I walked out on my boyfriend and my child. He’s never going to let me see her again.” I was crying now without abandon, “I’ve lost my daughter.”  
“No you haven’t. You can get her back, and I am going to help you.” Angela said, determined, “My only condition is that I know that you’re ready to get her back and that we can get to it once we take care of Pam.”  
“I mean, I’m all for getting Olivia back, but I don’t know how we’re going to do that.” I said helplessly, “It’s going to be difficult.”  
“That’s my specialty.” She said, standing up, “I’ve already told Michael that we’re helping you and he agreed with the same conditions.”  
“Well, ok, then. Let’s commence operation get Harley’s daughter back.”   
“We need to come up with a different name.”  
“Fine.”


	5. Won't You Let it Lie?

Chapter 5: Won’t You Let it Lie? 

All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?  
It’s been cold for years, won’t you let it lie?  
And I don’t wanna hear about the bad blood anymore  
I don’t wanna hear you talk about it anymore  
\- “Bad Blood”, Bastille 

We woke up pretty early (for me, I consider ‘early’ like 8 AM) to go meet with the lawyers in the city; Bruce came with us in order to assess their prices and their experience. He immediately nixed the first lawyer we saw, some typical Armani pinstripe suit guy with a probably handed-to-him degree from Harvard Law School. Bruce said that he wouldn’t be able to relate to our case, and the rest of us couldn’t help but agree with him. We didn’t want someone who wouldn’t be objective. He seemed like a pretty conservative guy too so I don’t think he was going to be too understanding about all the bisexual stuff, so we moved on to the next lawyer.  
The next lawyer at a mid-size firm in the city, Justin Gerard, honestly seemed like he was going to be a good fit for our case. He was younger, like in his early to mid-30’s, went to a smaller liberal arts college, but he had a lot of experience with criminal cases and he looked over all of our information with a discerning eye.   
“What do you think?” Angela asked, a bit anxiously.   
“I think that this is going to be a bit difficult, but I am willing to take on the case.” He finally said, with a long, heaving breath, “There’s a lot of – excuse me for being blunt – a lot of shit here that I cannot expunge from her record. Some of the smaller, petty crimes can be forgiven or ignored if we pay some fines, but the biological warfare and also a case of homicide is going to be impossible to get past in the case. They have proof for all the chemicals and Barbara Gordon is going to give her testimony. Who we need now is Selina Kyle to back up or refute some of these stories.”   
“Homicide?!” Angela shrieked at the same time as I exclaimed, “Selina Kyle?!”  
“She never said anything about murder!” Angela snapped, looking at me. She was livid, “Did you know about this?!”  
“No.” I said firmly, and stared her down. I didn’t want her to ruin my cover right now.   
She shut her mouth, and stared straight forward, grasping Mike’s hand tightly.  
“What about Selina Kyle?” I inquired, “How are we going to get here to come here? She’s kind of wanted by the law.”  
“In these cases, sometimes we can get them to come out of hiding if we offer them a little reprieve from the law so that they can testify. We have to tell her that she is not going to be penalized for anything she mentions during court but at the same time, she does risk getting caught in her own criminal acts. It’s not really a win-win situation, but it would really help for her to corroborate the stories. This Harley Quinn person too is someone we should probably think about, but you guys have said that she’s fled the country.” Justin said, looking up at us from the paperwork expectantly.  
“Yes.” I answered, “Pam told us she’s been gone for a while.”  
“Ok, well, let’s hang on to that information just in case. Right now, I need you to ask her if she’s had any contact with Selina in the past couple months and if she can get her to come out of hiding and testify for her. If she refuses, there’s nothing we can do. We can’t force her unless we arrest her and have to try her for her own crimes.” Justin rubbed his temples, “This is all very complicated.”  
“I can’t believe you’re actually taking this case.” Angela shook her head, “You’re a saint.”  
“No, ma’am, I just believe in the law and I think everyone deserves a right to a fair trial.” He answered humbly, “Let’s schedule a time for me to go to the prison and have a legal consultation with her. That’s the first step we need to take.”  
“I think that maybe I should run this by her first.” I interjected, and everyone looked at me.  
I continued, flushing, “I just don’t want her to feel ambushed by all the information. She should probably approve of all this before we move forward.”  
“I don’t have a problem with that.” Justin said, “How about you all go there and run it by her? Call me afterward and tell me what she says and I’ll set up a visitation.”  
“Sounds great to me.” Angela said, standing up, “We’ll be in touch.”  
“Of course. Stay strong, everyone. We will get through this.” He said, shaking all of our hands.  
“Thank you.” I said, and I meant it.   
We drove home to Bruce’s and Angela and Mike went up to their room to change, which left Bruce and I together. We went up to Edward’s bedroom, and he was napping peacefully. I sat down on his bed as he rocked him on the chair for a while.   
“Sorry about yesterday.” He said after a few silent minutes.   
“No need to apologize.” I dangled my legs off the bed absent-mindedly, “I just wish Angela hadn’t have seen it. She was all full of questions.”  
“What did you tell her?” he asked.  
“Just that what we have between us is complicated. There’s not much else to say about that, is there?”   
“Ok, well, you’re not wrong, but I still don’t like that I made things awkward.” Bruce sighed, “But you didn’t seem to be resisting it.”  
“I’m very lonely.” I said, like it was supposed to be an excuse.   
“Me too.” He admitted.   
“It’s easier to be lonely together, I suppose.” I said, half-heartedly smiling.  
“I think it makes loneliness redundant if two people are lonely at the same time.” He chuckled.  
I was flustered, “I was trying to be nice but you had to get all philosophical about it.”   
Bruce grinned, “Sorry.”  
Edward started to stir and fuss a bit, and Bruce held him up to his face, “Are we awake, Eddie? I think it might be time for some food.”   
I couldn’t help but feel some type of maternal warm and fuzzies, which made me sort of sick to my stomach but I had to just deal with it. It was really hard not to think about my daughter, but I knew for sure that he was taking care of her and that was, in a weird way, a comforting thought.   
Bruce stood up, “I’m going to go downstairs and get his snack together. Coming with me?”  
“I’m just to lay down in my room for a bit, if you don’t mind.”   
“Go ahead.” He said, and I followed him out of the room. He went downstairs and I went down the hall to my room, and kicked off my pinching black dress shoes. I closed the door behind me, and took off my suit jacket and pants, swapping them out for yoga pants and one of Bruce’s t-shirts. As soon as I hit the pillow I was pretty much asleep, and I woke up about two hours later to the sound of a light tapping on my door. I got up groggily to answer it. I opened it to find Bruce standing there with a tray of food; a sandwich, some soup and a glass of ice water.   
“Hungry at all?” he held up the tray to illustrate his point.   
“Yeah, a little bit. Come on in.” I stepped aside to let him through, shutting the door behind him.   
He put it down on the bedside table and handed me the glass of water, which I drank heartily. It was very dry in the room.   
I sat down next to him, “Thanks for bringing it up here.”   
“No problem. I figured you must have been tired.”  
“I definitely was. I passed out.”   
“It happens.”   
I munched on the sandwich, “Thanks again for recommending the lawyers for Pam. I think he’ll be good for the case.”  
“It was the least I could do. I did owe you. He actually asked me if you were single when you were talking to Angela and Mike.” Bruce said.  
“Really? Weird.” I shrugged. It really didn’t mean anything to me. I mean, obviously I am a hot piece of ass. And the lawyer was pretty cute so I think I could take the compliment, “What did you say?”  
“I just said I didn’t know. I imagine he thought we were dating.”  
“Seems to be the trend these days.” I remarked.  
“We did make a good couple while it lasted.”   
“Yeah, I think you might be having a nostalgic episode because most of our relationship was complete crap.” I said, raising a skeptical eyebrow. My skeptical eyebrow was frequently utilized.   
“That’s what you think of our relationship?”   
“I didn’t realize you looked back on it fondly.”   
“Well, I guess these days it’s difficult to remember a time when I was happy in a relationship, and I was truly happy with you for a while. Selina wasn’t exactly the marrying and settling down kind.” He exhaled deeply, “I’ve been thinking about our relationship more and more lately.”  
“Yeah…?” I asked, scooting a bit farther away from him subtly (I hoped).  
“And honestly, I don’t think I could really be in love with you again.”  
Phew. Thank Jesus.  
“But-” he interjected, “I have a sort of proposal to make.” He saw the look on my face and quickly added, “Not that kind of proposal! I’m not going to make that mistake again! My proposal is that we just have sex when we feel like it.”  
I stared at him for a moment, “Are you fucking with me, or are you serious?”   
“I’m actually serious.”   
“Hmm. I feel like I could handle that arrangement.” I had to be honest. I was feeling pretty lonely lately and vulnerable, “However, if I do date someone you can’t get all weirdly jealous or something because that defeats the point of a friends with benefits situation. And the same goes for me if you date someone. Do we have an accord?”  
He stuck out his hand, and I shook it.   
“Shall we seal the deal, then?” he asked.   
“Can I finish my sandwich first?” I said, gazing longingly at my food.  
“Typical.” He rolled his eyes.   
…  
I showed up at the prison a few days later to let Pam in on the lawyer situation and to get her permission before moving forward with it. I came prepared with some documents and his tentative plan for her court case, and did the usual check-in, hand over my phone, get patted down, all that jazz. It was getting a little sad that I was becoming accustomed to the whole rigmarole but I went through it because I cared about Pam. I talked to the guard and he got us a more private area since we were talking about her legal predicament. We got seated and I started to arrange my papers to talk to her.   
“So, we found this lawyer, his name is Justin Gerard. He’s relatively young, more liberal and open-minded to the case, and he thinks that we at best can get you at least committed for a couple of years to a more minimum-security prison, if not less for good behavior. He said that’s really the best we could do with the amount of crimes you have on your record. Some are pretty minor and can be taken care of with fines, like the marijuana selling, and your parents are willing to cover whatever they can. I imagine you can have some money stashed away somewhere.” I said.  
“Yeah, I do. I’ll have to give you my bank account information but they have to let me on a computer. I have computer time once a week so once I can do that, I’ll give you my password and account number.” She seemed like she was perking up a little now that we had better news, “He really thinks I don’t have to go to jail for life?”  
“Well, he said it’s going to be difficult, but we could possibly do it with the right testimonies and very specific planning. We will have to play to sympathies and try to downplay some of it, but if we can get people on your side, it could work very well in your favor.” I shrugged, “I honestly don’t know how he’s going to do it, but I trust him. Bruce thinks very highly of him.”  
Her shoulders slumped slightly, “Well, I guess that’s sort of comforting.”   
“You don’t trust his judgment?”   
“I think…I don’t know, Har-Annabelle? What are you calling yourself?”  
“Annabelle, but your parents know the story. Bruce told them.” I replied.  
“Why did he tell them?”  
“He didn’t want to keep lying to them.” I avoided eye contact in order to not talk about the fact that Bruce and I had slept together a couple times since I had last seen her.   
“I see. Well, I’m glad that the lawyer thing worked out. What’s he like?”   
“The lawyer?”  
“Duh, yes, the lawyer. Young? Old? Creepy? Cute?”   
“Young and cute, actually.” I admitted.  
“Sweet. Go get married.” She grinned.  
“I’m not marrying some random lawyer.”  
“I think it would be a cute story. My chances are romance at this point are next to nil considering I’m going to be in jail for the next 5 years.” She sighed.   
“Female penitentiary is full of lesbians. Haven’t you seen Orange is the New Black? Girl, you’ve got a goldmine.”   
“Um, of course I have and no, that show is not realistic. I only date hot lesbians, not butch lesbians. No lesbian in prison is going to look like Laura Prepon or Natasha Lyonne. I won’t get action like that. I’m going to have to settle for ok-looking out-of-shape women with short hair who robbed a liquor store 10 years ago.”  
“That’s specific. You never know!” I assured her, “Look on the bright side.”  
“You’re so Piper.”  
“I’m so not. Get out of here.” I shook my head.  
“You have no prospects either so I think you should date cute lawyer man.”   
I made a mumbling sort of inconclusive answer.  
She narrowed her eyes, “And why not?”  
“No reason, really.”   
“Stop lying.”   
“I may or may not have possibly sort of had some kind of little thing with Bruce a couple times.” I shifted uncomfortably.  
She stared at me.   
“Don’t kill me.” I whimpered.  
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”   
“I, well, uh…” I stumbled over my words.   
“Don’t try to defend yourself. You know that this is a horrible idea.” She seemed a little less pissed than I imagined she would be but she wasn’t exactly spouting sunshine and daisies either.   
“It is but it’s just a friends with benefits thing. We’re just having sex because both of us are not attached. It’s not a big deal.”   
“Come on. That’s never going to work, Harl - god damn it, Annabelle whatever the fuck your name is right now – and you’re going to ruin your life by messing around with Bruce again. I told you he can’t be trusted.”   
“Don’t be hating on Bruce because he stole your wife.”  
“No, I ‘be hating’ on Bruce because yes, he did steal my wife, but he had her to begin with. I hate him because he ruined you. He turns you into this lame, weak person who can’t seem to make decisions for herself. He is a huge asshole and yet you keep going back to him.” She gasped audibly, which startled me, “YOU ARE CARRIE AND MR. BIG.”  
“I am so not! How could you say that?!” I stood up.   
Yes, I know this seems stupid. But if you watch Sex and the City, you know what a mean comparison this is. MEAN.  
“Yes, it totally is! How could I not see that? You are Carrie and Mr. Big. She leaves people who actually care about her for the guy who treats her like shit! Case closed.”  
“If I’m Carrie, you’re Miranda.”   
“UNCALLED FOR.” She exclaimed, and the guard snapped, “Inmate! Sit down!”  
She gave him a glare, but obliged. I sat down, too, and breathed deeply, “I think we need to calm down.”   
“Yeah. This is getting out of hand.” She affirmed. She folded her arms across her chest, “I think that you sleeping with Bruce is still a terrible idea. It will blow up in your face.”  
“I’m taking that risk.” I shrugged, “Unfortunately, I came here too because I have to ask you something that you’re not going to like.”   
“It can’t be worse than you telling me that you fornicated with the bat.”   
“Oh, it can be. The lawyer says we are going to have to find Selina and bring her as a witness.” I cringed, waiting for her reaction.  
Surprisingly, nothing happened.   
“You’re not mad?” I asked.  
“Well, the thing is…I’ve already seen her.”   
“What do you mean?”   
“She came to visit me a couple of weeks ago.” This time, she cringed, waiting for my reaction.  
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” I had to restrain myself from screaming so it kind of sounded like I was strangling myself.  
“I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want to put her at risk. She heard I was in prison and came in, disguised herself or whatever and she talked to me about what happened. She wanted to beat the shit out of Barbara, but who doesn’t at this point? She said she would testify if she had to, but she wasn’t that keen on the idea of coming out of hiding.” Pam sighed, “Don’t get too pissed at her.”  
“How am I not supposed to be pissed at her? She disappears for months – MONTHS – and abandons her boyfriend and small child and then suddenly decides to come out of hiding just because her ex-wife is in jail and she feels bad about it!”   
“I’m sorry, Miss Pot, we don’t need to talk about Miss Kettle that way.” She raised her eyebrow.  
“Do not bring up my child right now.” I flushed, red anger spreading through my cheeks.   
“You already did.” She snapped, “You just can’t admit to yourself that you’re the same as Selina. Bruce has no right to act like this. He knew how she was. He knew that relationship was doomed, just like I did. It’s just the way she is.”  
“Yes, well, you talk about how Bruce always walks in and ruins my life, and you don’t want to look in the mirror and see that your past relationships have not exactly been beneficial for you. You’re just as fucked up as I am.”   
“Selina’s never going to testify if I don’t tell her to, so I think you had better just go and let me think about it. I don’t need you yelling at me and kicking me while I’m down.” Pam stood up and walked to the door, “I’m ready to go, please.”  
The guard took her arm and led her out, giving me a weird look. I wondered how much those people saw on a daily basis, but I was too pissed off to bother thinking anymore about it.  
I drove home in complete silence, hoping Pam would change her mind about Selina. I mean, I know that Selina had to risk her safety, but if she cared about Pam at all, she would do this for her.  
I knew I had to find her somehow and convince her. But where the hell was she?


	6. Your Darkest Night

Chapter 6: Your Darkest Night 

I was there for you in your darkest times  
I was there for you in your darkest night  
But I wonder where were you   
When I was at my worst down on my knees  
And you said you had my back  
So where were you   
\- “Maps,” Maroon 5

“How’d it go?” Bruce inquired as I walked in the door.  
I grunted and sat down on the stool, putting my head in my hands.  
“That was incoherent.” He remarked.  
“Bad.” I said shortly.  
“Why did it go so badly?”  
“Because I’m a fucking idiot, as always.” I groaned.  
“Did you tell her about us, Harley?” he basically face-palmed in front of me.  
I glared at him, “Yes, I did, and she wasn’t exactly planning on throwing us a super-rad party.”  
“Rad?”  
“Dude, you lived through the 80’s. Get it together. Anyway, I told her about the lawyer and she was all fine with that, until I mentioned that Selina might have to come back and then she wasn’t thrilled about that idea.” I said, sighing audibly, “And she also decided to inform me that Selina came to visit her at the prison a couple weeks ago.”  
“What?!” he snapped, “Seriously?!”  
“That was pretty much my reaction to that news.” I shrugged, “It’s not what I wanted to hear, either, but at least we know that Selina is still in the picture and supporting her in some way. It might make it easier for us to convince her.”  
“For US to convince her? Since when are we charged with that burden?”   
“Well, Pam can’t exactly do that herself, Bruce.”  
“I know that!” he said, exasperated, “What I’m asking here is like…I mean…did she even say where she was this whole time?”  
“Nope. Said she can’t compromise her privacy or whatever.”   
Bruce was silent for a moment.  
“I think I may have an idea about where she is, though.” I said slowly. I had marinated on this in the car on my way home.  
“What do you mean?”   
“Well, hear me out. When Pam’s parents and I went to talk to her a few days ago, she mentioned that she still hadn’t sold the house in Wyoming.”   
Bruce stared at me, and then his eyes lit up in realization, “Of course! Oh, that makes so much sense.”  
“Yeah, I think it does. I mean, it’s as good a lead as I could think of, honestly. But what this means is that Pam must have talked to Selina before to set this up somehow, which, ergo, Pam and Selina had some kind of tryst when Selina came back to New York.”  
“Tryst?”   
“Backslide. Re-return.” I said.  
“That doesn’t clarify anything for me.”  
“You have watched How I Met Your Mother, haven’t you? In the show, Ted re-returns for Robin, meaning he goes back after the date to try to change what happened. People re-return in relationships all the time and Pam is such a re-returner it isn’t even funny. It makes perfect sense that when Selina would come back to see her, they did the two-woman tango and Pam agreed to let her hide out in the house in Wyoming.” I said proudly. I felt like fucking Sherlock.   
“That’s upsetting on all levels for me.” Bruce said, his mouth twisting in thinly-veiled disgust.  
“Oh come on, don’t be a homophobe.”  
“I’m not being a homophobe, I just don’t like imagining my ex-girlfriend with another woman.”  
“Who happens to be her ex-wife.”  
“Ugh, stop.” He shook his head, “What a mess.”  
“Well, you know what we have to do now.” I said.  
“Go to Wyoming?”   
“Yes, sir.” I nodded vehemently, “And Angela and Mike have to come too.”  
“Why do they need to be there?” he massaged his temples, “This has nothing to do with them.”  
“It has everything to do with them.” I countered, “This is their daughter’s life in Selina’s hands. I think they need to confront her and convince her to come with us. You know that she sure as hell isn’t going to listen to me or you.”  
“That’s a fair point.”   
“So, we leave like tomorrow then. We can take the private jet!” I declared.  
“We are not taking my private jet. That would be way too suspicious.”   
“You’re always ruining my fun.” I pouted.  
…  
Within 24 hours, the four of us misfits were on a private plane (I convinced him) to the small domestic Casper airport in Wyoming. Angela lowered her Chanel sunglasses as we got off the plane, “This is where my daughter lived?”  
“Yes, ma’am.” I said.  
“Dear God, help me.”   
We got a Rent-a-Car and I led the gang over to Pam and Selina’s old house, which was about an hour and a half from the airport. Bruce and I sat in the front seats and I did my best to just stare out the window – I mean, Wyoming is a pretty place but not that much is going on there – and he tried to grab my hand, and I slithered my way out of it. I did not want to show anyone that something was going on between us and hand-holding did not fit into our ‘friends with benefits’ agreement.  
I glared at him for a moment and he withdrew his hand, putting it back on the wheel.   
“Wow, they really live out in the middle of nowhere.” Mike commented.  
“Yeah, they did – er, well, do? I don’t know. They really liked it out here at the time.”   
“How long were they here?”   
“It was around 6 months.” I said. It had felt like longer but now that I thought about it, it really wasn’t.   
“I could see why Selina left her. No one would want to live out here.” Angela said, blunt as ever.  
Bruce made the most uncomfortable face possible it was almost funny.  
“They just wanted to find a place that was inconspicuous and they could raise Edward in a more family-friendly kind of environment.” I explained.  
“There are families out here? I don’t see any people, just mountains and horses. What the hell was he going to do, be home-schooled and be a cowboy?” Angela barked.  
I burst out laughing trying to picture little Edward as a cowboy, and Bruce even cracked a smile.  
“I have no idea. I don’t think they thought it out that far.” I said, still laughing.  
“Clearly.” She folded her arms across her chest.   
We turned into their neighborhood and pulled up to the house. There was a non-descript looking car in the driveway and clearly things had been taken care of outside like the grass and the flowers. Selina definitely was here.   
I started up the stairs to the front door and felt no one beside me. Angela, Mike and Bruce were all standing there like fucking cowards.   
“I am so not doing this by myself.” I snapped.  
Angela walked up the stairs and stood next to me.   
“Bruce, you wimp, get up here right now.” I demanded, and he grudgingly obliged. Mike soon followed.  
I’m surrounded by amateurs.  
I rang the doorbell, and waited. After a minute or so, the door opened to reveal a somewhat disheveled Selina in her pajama pants and tank top.   
“Shit.” She said so very eloquently.  
“Nice to see you again, too.” I said, stepping past her into the house. She moved aside to let the rest of our crew in.   
“You’ve kept the place up pretty nicely.” Bruce commented.  
Selina closed the door and perched on the arm of the couch next to her, “What the hell are you guys doing here? And how did you find me?”  
“It was relatively simple.” I sniffed.  
“Pam told you.” She said, and cursed under her breath, “That girl cannot keep a secret to save her damn life!”  
“That she can’t, but no, Pam didn’t tell us. We kinda just figured it out.” I corrected.  
Selina glanced askew, “Who are these people?”  
“Oh, sorry, these are Pam’s parents, Angela and Mike Isley.” Bruce said, and they both made an awkward wave.  
“Pam’s PARENTS came with you?” she basically yelped, “I thought she hadn’t talked to them in like a decade!”  
“Pam asked me to contact them. And, well, I figured they’d want to know one of the reasons their daughter was in prison for life.” I had to relish this moment. It was the first time I’d ever had the distinct advantage over Selina in a situation.   
“I see.” She grimaced, “So, I guess they know everything?”  
“Yes, pretty much.” I replied.  
“Fan-fucking-tastic.” She grumbled.  
She looked over at Bruce, “So where is our son?”  
“With Alfred.” I watched a look of pain cross ever-so-briefly through Bruce’s eyes, but just like that, it was gone again.   
“Well, thank God you didn’t leave him with her.” She said, jutting her head towards me, “God knows another kid will be abandoned under her watch.”  
“Hey!” I said indignantly and Bruce stepped in between us.  
“Stop.” He said firmly, “We didn’t come here to throw insults at each other.”  
“We didn’t?” I asked dejectedly.  
“Harley, no.” he shook his head.  
I folded my arms across my chest, “Fine.”  
“Selina, we need to talk to you about Pam’s trial. Also, about the fact that you visited her and didn’t bother to tell anyone about it.” Bruce said, sitting down on the couch.  
“Why was I going to tell you? You would want me to come back and see my son, and I wasn’t ready to do that. Plus, I swore her to secrecy and I didn’t think she would go blabbing about it to Harley. What do you need from me as far as Pam’s trial goes?” Selina asked.   
“We need you to appear in front of the court.” Angela finally said something, and leave it to her to be direct.  
“Hell to the no.” Selina promptly replied.  
“We figured you would say that.” Bruce sighed.  
“That’s the kiss of fucking death. I’ve managed to evade the authorities for the past 6 months, why would I shoot myself in the foot for Pam?”   
“I understand your reasoning, but this is our daughter and you were part of the reason she ended up in this mess.” Angela pointed out.  
Selina glared at her, “Is that what she’s been telling you? That I’m the one to blame? Fuck her. The actual reasons she’s in prison are a) her own crimes, and b) her stupidity in trusting that Barbara Gordon. I told her that girl was too good to be true and she didn’t listen to me. In our business, you learn to trust no one. I can’t believe Pam had to go and tell that little twat her whole life story.”  
“Well, I’m with you there.” I admitted.   
“See, Pam’s acting like oh woe is me my life is so hard, and it’s not. She trusted her feelings to that girl, and now she’s fucked. You cannot blame me for that. Yes, I owe Pam for a lot. She helped me take back some control over my life, and she loved me more than anyone else has ever loved me. She accepted all my flaws and even liked me for them. I begged her to let me take back this place and she could have said no, but she didn’t. She let me come back here and hide out, no strings attached. So, her trusting nature isn’t always so bad, but I want to help her as much as anyone here. I just can’t risk my safety at this point, and she knows that.” Selina wiped at her eyes, “I do want to help her, and I hate that she’s locked up. I’ve done her some serious wrong, and I would do anything to make it right, but I’m stuck.”  
“You’re not stuck. You can talk to the lawyer with us, at least.” Bruce said, “And he can figure out whether or not you should appear in court. After that you’re free to go. We don’t want you to go to prison. I don’t want our son to visit you in prison.”  
She narrowed her eyes, “What you’re saying is that you don’t want to grow up ashamed of his mother.”  
“Like you were going to see him anyway.” Bruce snapped.  
“Hey, hey, whoa,” I interjected, “This is not the conversation we’re having. You guys can fight that shit out on your own.”   
The two of them merely glared at each other, and then turned away.   
“So, are you going to come to New York with us or not?” I asked.  
“Well, this is pretty sudden, you know. I can’t just drop everything I’m doing to go to New York.” Selina said.  
I looked around, “What are you doing here exactly? I think your plants can handle you being away for a couple of days.”   
She gave me a dead-pan look, “Shut up. I have…some relationships that I can’t just walk away from.”  
“Relationship?” Bruce, Angela and I asked at the same time.  
“Yes, I kind of have a boyfriend here.” She replied, shifting uncomfortably.  
“Lovely.” Bruce commented, and I clamped my hand over his mouth, “Well, that’s nice.” I interjected before he could say anything else.  
“Yes, and I would prefer he not know about any of this.” Selina stared us down, “You understand me?”  
“Yeah, we got it.” I replied swiftly, “But who is he?”  
“He runs the general store here in town.”  
“Good God, is this 1886?” I wondered aloud.  
“Harleen.” Bruce clipped.  
“Yes, that’s what he does. His family owns it. I went in there one day to get fertilizer and we struck up a conversation, he asked me out, what have you. So, we’re dating. His name is Luke.”  
“CUTE.” I sputtered before I burst out laughing, “Does he know you have a son? That you like to go down on women?!”  
“HARLEEN.” Bruce said loudly, covering up my laughter, “Enough!”   
I halted.  
“Actually yeah he does know I have a son. He has been asking me to reconnect with him, if I could bring him out here.” Selina seemed unfazed by my clear attempts to piss her off, which frustrated me but I digress as usual, “I think we can make a deal here.”  
“A deal?” Angela asked, “I don’t like the sound of that.”  
“Yes, a deal.” Selina affirmed, “Here’s what I propose: I go to New York with you, I meet with the lawyer. If he thinks I should go to court but I get immunity from law enforcement for the time I testify, then I will do it. If he can’t promise me that, I get to go home, like you said, no strings attached, and I get to take Edward for two weeks.”   
I glanced over at Bruce. He was silent for a long moment, and then he stuck out his hand, “Deal.”  
…  
Next thing we knew, Selina had made a phone call to Luke, packed her bags, and went back on the plane with our crew to New York.   
We landed, and Selina looked anxiously out the window, muttering, “What I have gotten myself into?”  
The five of us went back to Bruce’s house, and it was settling in that Selina was going to see her son for the first time in months, and I was going to have to deal with the mother of Bruce’s child being involved in our daily routine when she didn’t exactly know that Bruce and I were doing the no pants dance regularly. Not boyfriend and girlfriend, though, and I’m sticking to it.   
Angela and Mike headed upstairs (with cups of coffee at the ready from Alfred) to relax, and that left the three of us feeling incredibly awkward.   
“May I see him?” Selina asked.  
“Of course.” Bruce said, and he motioned to Alfred, who left the room promptly.   
“Has he been eating ok? Is he talking yet?” she inquired.   
“I’m going to leave.” I announced and then basically rushed out of the room before either of them could get a word in edgewise. I did not need to hear this conversation or be there for that little family reunion. It wasn’t right, and it was going to make me bawl and make noises like a wounded animal so I wanted to avoid that embarrassing moment. I couldn’t deal with the fact that Selina was going to be reconnecting with her child when I had left mine behind. I’m sure both of them knew that was the reason, and obviously they didn’t come after me to try to reason with me. Selina had to know I went through the same pain she did. Or, at least, I hope she did.   
I trudged up the stairs to my room, closing the door behind me. I laid down on the bed, staring up at the crown molding for what seemed like an eternity. I turned on the TV to something mindless, which in today’s case was a marathon of Big Bang Theory, and tried not to think about what was going on a floor beneath me.   
A knock sounded at my door. I grudgingly got up to open it, and found Selina standing there. I hadn’t been expecting that.   
“Can I come in?”   
“Sure.” I said, stepping aside, “How did it go?”  
“Fine. He didn’t really remember me at first, but I figured that would happen. They don’t have much for memory when they’re that age.” She shrugged, “We got the impression that you didn’t want to be involved.”  
“Yeah, not exactly the right situation for me to be in at the moment.” I exhaled deeply, “I miss her every single day.”  
“I’m sure he’s taking good care of her.” Selina said, and I could tell that she meant it.   
“Oh, I know that. I don’t worry about her safety or well-being in the slightest. What I do worry about is what you just said – her not remembering me. Us losing that emotional connection.”   
“I don’t think children really ever forget their mothers.” Selina said, and that hit me like a ton of bricks. Selina and I had something in common: we were mothers. And as weird as that was, it was a connection that I just couldn’t have with other people. Fucking strange, man. I never thought that I would think that way in my entire life, but now the thought was crossing my mind and I couldn’t shake it.  
“Well, I know, it’s just a thing that keeps me from sleeping at night, you know?” I shrugged, hoping that the gesture would help alleviate some of my anxiety, but it didn’t.   
“Yeah believe me, I know the feeling.” She shifted on her feet, “So, Bruce told me you guys were hooking up again.”  
“Fantastic.”   
“He’s not very good at keeping secrets from me.”   
“You’re a pretty persuasive person.” I said, “Are you pissed?”  
“Not really. What do I have to be pissed about? I’m with someone anyway.” She said dismissively, “I’m trying to let go of some of my anger.”   
“I tried that too. Doesn’t seem to work for me.”   
“Once you find the right person that doesn’t make you want to murder them regularly, you’ll be fine.”  
“Solid advice. So, who is this Luke person?” I asked.  
She involuntarily smiled, which told me that she was smitten, “Well, like I said, he runs the general store with his family. He’s super handsome, and smart, but simple, you know? He has no baggage or weird neuroses like everyone around here.”  
“That must be a welcome change.” I said, but I was merely agreeing with her to make conversation. What would I do without my neuroses? I would be so bored. I wouldn’t have any stories to write. How depressing.  
“Yes, definitely. He’s very sweet, that kind of guy that brings you flowers on a date. At first I was like who the fuck is this guy but now I’ve grown sort of accustomed to it. It’s nice to be treated that way sometimes.”  
“What, Pam wasn’t very romantic?” I found that hard to believe.  
“Not in that way. She was very much so, but it was difficult when I didn’t share the same feelings. And Bruce…his idea of romance is pretty far from what mine is.” She looked away, “I mean, no offense or anything.”  
“I dated him too, if you remember, and I thought he was pretty ok in that department. I mean, maybe all the romance went out the window because you had a child together. It happens to a lot of people.”  
Her eyes flared, “What are you suggesting?”  
I didn’t think she was going to take it that way.   
“I wasn’t suggesting anything. I just meant that sometimes pregnancy is kind of a boner killer.”   
“Did you and the Joker stop having sex once you had a child?”   
“Not entirely.” I said, “I’d throw him one once in a while if he got persistent.”  
“Oh because that’s so very romantic.”  
“I never said it was. Why are you getting defensive?” I asked, trying to maintain calm. We had been doing so well, but with Selina and I, polite conversation doesn’t last long, so I shouldn’t have been surprised.   
“Because you’re a condescending bitch.”  
“Ok, I think you can leave now.” I snapped.   
“I was planning on it!” she exclaimed and stomped out of the room. I heard her say to someone, “I’m done talking to her!” in the hallway and there was some scuffling as she walked away.   
Bruce popped his head in my room, “What did you do?”  
“Nothing. She’s just stupid.” I said irritably.   
He sighed, and closed the door, “Elaborate.”  
“I try to have a decent conversation with her and be civil considering she’s going to be here for a while but noooooo she has to start getting defensive and tell me I’m condescending.” I tend to ramble when I’m angry, “I am so not the condescending one here, she is! I was trying to defend you because she said you weren’t romantic when you were dating and then she thought I was insinuating that you guys were bad lovers or something which wasn’t what I meant at all –”  
He interjected, “I think I get the gist. I don’t know why you try to get along with her, she pretty much hates you.”  
“The feeling is mutual.” I said, feeling grumpy.   
“I wonder how I wasn’t romantic.” He wondered aloud.  
“I thought you did a good job.”   
“Well I did want to marry you.”   
“And you didn’t want to marry her?” I retorted, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. I never asked him this before and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.   
“For like a second, maybe, when she got pregnant with Edward. But once we actually lived together, I knew it was never going to work. She started smoking again and everything, which meant she wasn’t happy. That’s why I wasn’t really that shocked when she left. I thought maybe she would have the guts to say something, but I overestimated her in a lot of ways. She thinks that I’m naïve or something, but I’m really not. I was purposely in denial about that relationship, thinking I had to make it work just because we had a child together.”   
That was not what I was expecting him to say.   
“Oh.” I said simply.  
“I mean, didn’t you feel that way about him?”   
“Not exactly.” I was taken aback by the question, “I…I did still love him. It was when he became another person that I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. Suddenly we were domesticated and nothing exciting was happening in our lives. We weren’t on the run, and I got used to that lifestyle, as fucking weird as that is. Obviously I panicked. When I came here, I did initially think I was going to go back. I thought I just needed some time. And then Pam called and all this shit went down, and I had to stay. Maybe in some strange way things do happen for a reason or something, as stupid and cliché as that is. I just knew I couldn’t go back until I was ready to face him.”  
“And are you?”   
“Hell no.” I answered, “Jesus Christ, I would melt down.”  
“Well, then you won’t be able to get your daughter back. You’ll have to face him eventually.”  
“Yeah, I wanted to avoid that part.”   
“Harley…”  
“I know I’m a pussy. You don’t need to tell me.” I exhaled.   
“Would sex make you feel better?”   
“With Selina here? Are you mentally ill?”   
“Well, she already knows. I had to make sure she was ok with it if she was going to stay here. She said it was fine.”  
“Oh yes, your ex-girlfriend and mother of your child is totally ok with you hooking up with your ex-fiancé? Makes perfect sense.” When I say things like this out loud, I cannot believe what the fuck has gone down in my life. I’m a nutbag and the people I spend my time with are also nutbags. Just saying.  
“I think we can risk it.”   
“Eh, fine, but you have to do all the work.” I rolled my eyes.  
“Deal.”   
…  
Post-coitus, I tend to have some weird thoughts. Doesn’t everyone? Do you? I don’t know. Why do I talk to myself? Anyway, I thought about Bud and Lou, my hyena babies. The Joker had made me give them up when we went to Italy, and he never told me where they went. I know I didn’t address this so I just thought I’d give my peeps a heads-up. He just assured me that they went somewhere for ‘safe-keeping’. Now that I was back here, I thought it probably would do me some good to see them again, make sure they were doing ok.   
I turned to face Bruce, who was buried in my chest. I am consistently surprised no one gets suffocated in there considering how ample they are. Not that I’m bragging or anything.   
“Bruce?”  
“Huh?” he asked so eloquently, sitting up, “Did I fall asleep?”  
“Yeah, a little bit.” I replied, “I have a question.”  
“Shoot.”  
“Do you know where my hyenas are?”   
“Why would I know?” the way he shifted his eyes told me everything I needed to know.   
“You ass-hole. How do you know where they are?”  
“Because they’re with someone we know mutually.” He was purposely evading the question and I wasn’t going to put up with his bullshit.  
“Where are they?” I demanded.  
“You’re not going to like it.”


	7. My Day to Find You

Chapter 7: My Day to Find You 

Today isn’t my day to find you  
Shying away  
I’m coming for your love, okay?  
Take on me, take me on  
I’ll be gone in a day or two  
\- “Take On Me”, A-Ha 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I said, staring at the building in front of me, “Who had the brilliant fucking idea to give my babies to BANE?”   
“I mean, he’s almost like my brother and the Joker trusted him enough to do it.” Bruce said.   
We were standing at a small, basically dilapidated building on the lower east side of Gotham, not known to be an area one wants to walk alone in at night. Bruce had on his full getup, bat-belt and everything, and I had managed to cobble together a newer version of my costume: high-waisted red and black pants with a high neck red tank top and my hair in pigtails, black and red mask. It would just have to do for now. In a weird way, it felt nice to be Harley Quinn again, the costumed vigilante.   
Bruce looked at me, “You going to be ok?”  
“I’m fine. I just want to get this over with. It’s not like he can’t be reasoned with. I mean, he’s kind of a huge veiny monster with incomprehensible speech but he’s alright at his core.”   
“High praise.” Remarked Bruce dryly.  
“Don’t get sassy.”   
“You first.”   
I stuck my tongue out in response, a clearly mature gesture from a class-act lady, I know.   
Bruce and I found an abandoned boarded-up entrance in the back of the building, and Bruce easily kicked it in, splintering the boards. Show off. He gestured for me to go in, “Ladies first.”  
“Not in this case.” I hissed, and pushed him inside.  
I followed him closely along a dank, dark corridor with assorted boxes and broken objects lying about. I was so not ok with the amount of small rodents that scurried alongside us, one going over my foot, causing me to whimper like a little girl.   
Bruce rolled his eyes, “Harley, get it together.”  
“I refuse to do that.”   
We finally saw a light at the end of the hallway and blinked to adjust our eyes to the (albeit dim) light of the lobby. It looked like it had been an apartment building at one time, maybe built in the 20’s or 30’s. It had the ornate gilded ceilings with windows that had had the stained glass punched out of them, probably in some riot. It broke my heart a little to see something so beautiful torn down, but we had to move on. I trailed Bruce to the elevator, and he glanced down at his phone.   
“What’s up?” I asked quietly.  
“Oh, just checking Bane’s old text to me. I need to remember what floor he’s on.”   
“Oh, gee, how nice.” I shook my head with derision. I pressed the button to open the elevator doors, and it revealed an empty socket with a few wires hanging down.   
Bruce and I peered up into the elevator shaft.  
“I bet we could climb it.” Bruce suggested.  
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”   
“I’ll throw one of my grappling hooks up there and we can hang on to it. It’s pretty sturdy. He says he’s only on the third floor and the staircases have long since been in disrepair. This is the better option.” He then pulled out a hook from his belt and threw it up into the shaft, the hook clanging as it grasped onto the third floor edge.   
“Where the hell do you get grappling hooks, Ninjas ‘R’ Us?” I asked, half in astonishment, half in actual curiosity.  
“I have my ways.” He smiled.   
I leaned in and kissed him. It was so familiar, the smell of the leather from his mask along with his manly cologne he wore; I noted that it was the same one I used to buy him.  
“You still have some of that cologne left?”   
He looked surprised, “Uh, yeah, I tried to save the bottle. I really liked it.” It was cute when he got flustered like that.   
“Well, that’s sweet of you.” I grabbed onto him, “Now let’s go to Bane.”  
“Yes’m.” he said in agreement.   
He clutched the wire firmly and pressed the button to hoist us up. It was a little slow going, but it worked like a charm. He climbed onto the floor, pulling me up with him. We brushed ourselves off and stood up.   
“Now if I were a homicidal manic, where would I be?” Bruce wondered aloud.  
I pointed at the slightly propped-open door a few feet away, “It’s worth checking out.”   
As we got closer, the question was answered because my hyenas came bolting out of the doorway and tackled me to the ground, licking my face.  
“MY BABIES!” I exclaimed, almost crying from pure joy.  
A man came running out to see what the commotion was, and stopped when he saw Bruce standing there. Bruce probably had a foot and 60 pounds on him, so he didn’t look like he wanted to mess with him.   
“What the hell is going on here?” the man asked, holding his hands up in a show of submission.  
“I’ve come to collect these hyenas.” I got to my feet, and Bud and Lou started whining, “Hush now. Mommy’s talking.”  
They immediately sat on my side, silent as the grave.  
“I’ve never seen them take orders from anyone.” The man said in amazement, “I take it you’re the original owner?”  
“Yup, that’s me. Who are you?”  
“I’m Lenny, Bane’s assistant. He’s resting right now. What do you two want from him?”   
Lenny. What a wimpy name.  
“Well, mostly I wanted them back.” I gestured at my boys, “If you could just let him know we came to retrieve them, you would be a peach. I think we’ll head out now.”  
He stepped in front of me, and the hyenas both started growling.  
“I wouldn’t get in my way if I were you. They’ll bite your fucking leg off if I command them to.” I said, nonchalantly inspecting my fingernails.   
“How do I know that he’s authorized this? He never mentioned you guys coming.” Lenny stood back as Bud’s ears went down in defense and his teeth were bared.  
“I think he’ll be fine with it.” Bruce interjected, “I’m Batman.”  
“Yeah, I can see that.” Lenny said, clearly unimpressed.  
He had some spine, I’ll give him that.  
“Well then, wake him up if you’re so concerned. We have all the time in the world.” I shrugged.  
“You taking the hyenas is going to get me in less trouble than waking him up.” Lenny said, eyes widening, “He’s not exactly pleasant when you surprise him.”  
“I think we’ll be on our way then.” I said, “Tell him to give Batman a call if there’s any confusion. Do you have their leashes?”   
Lenny raised an eyebrow, “Leashes?”  
I turned to Bruce, “You gave Bane their harnesses and leashes, didn’t you?”  
“Yeah, pretty sure I did.”   
“Ok, then fetch them.” I said, shooing Lenny back inside the open door. I peered inside as he was rummaging through some desk drawers. It was a small apartment, with a living room and kitchenette, with two bedrooms and a bathroom off to the side. I assumed Bane must have been sleeping in there.   
“Find ‘em yet?” I asked.  
“I’m looking, I’m looking.” He said hurriedly.  
“They’re cheetah print, I imagine not too hard to find.” I rolled my eyes. My boys had very fabulous leashes, and Mr. J hadn’t been a fan of me feminizing them by buying them pink and animal print stuff, but they were my pets, goddamn it.   
He held them up, “These what you’re looking for?”  
I crossed the room, grabbing them from him, “Yes, thanks for your help. Hope I never see you again. Buh-bye.”   
I then stalked out, my hyenas not far behind me. I got out in the hall, and Bruce was standing there with his fists clenched.  
“What’s up, bro?” I asked.  
“He was staring at your ass.”  
“And?”   
“I’m going to jack him in the face.” He started past me, and I grabbed his shoulder.  
“Hold on, hold on. I thought we weren’t doing this jealous thing.”   
“Please let me punch that weasel.”   
“I mean, yes, he is a weasel but staring at my God-given beautiful badonkadonk is no excuse to punch a man.”   
He gave me a dead-pan look, “Can we tone down the sarcasm?”  
“I wasn’t being sarcastic. I have a nice ass.” I said matter-of-factly, “But if it’ll make you feel better, go land a punch, but it’d better be a good one.”  
“My pleasure.” He said, and he went into the room and landed one to Lenny’s nose with a nice ‘crack’ sound attached. He walked out of the room, shaking his fist.  
“Feel better?”   
“Yes, much better, thanks.” He grunted.  
Ok, to be honest, I was more than a lot turned on at that moment, so I started pulling his arm toward the elevator shaft, “We have to go.”  
After somehow maneuvering ourselves to get the hyenas down (they were none too pleased about that), we got out to the car which was parked in the back alley. Bud and Lou stood guard in the front seats – I mean, who is going to approach a car with hyenas in it? – while Bruce and I had hot costumed vigilante sex in the back seat. We didn’t take off the masks, either.   
…  
We drove back to the Wayne compound and once we had parked the Batmobile in the cave, Bruce sat there, quiet.  
“What’s up?” I asked.  
“Um…where the fuck are we going to put the hyenas?”  
“I didn’t think that one through.” I admitted.  
“Well, I think for now we’ll just have to put them in the backyard and we’ll fence them in. We can’t have them in the house.”  
“Why not?”   
He turned to face me with an air of disbelief and extreme concern, “Um, I have this thing. It’s called a BABY.”  
“Oh, they won’t hurt Edward. They only hurt people who they feel threatened by or people they can sense I don’t like.” I shrugged, “Edward doesn’t fall into that category.”  
“Yes, but Selina does.”   
“They won’t attack unless I say so.” I said, purposely inspecting my fingernails.  
“Somehow your tone doesn’t convince me.” Bruce said wryly.  
“I’m such a trustworthy person. I’m surprised you don’t believe me.”   
He merely gave me a dead-pan look.   
“Ok, fine, they can stay in the backyard for a while. At least it’s not super cold here right now.” I looked back at the boys, panting in the backseat, “Mama has to take good care of her little men!”   
Bud gave a low howl, and I hugged him around the neck, “I’m so happy right now.”  
“You’re insane.”   
“Shut up.”  
I walked the hyenas into the backyard and into the penned area in the back, usually utilized for Alfred’s gardening of tomatoes and other herbs. I don’t think Alfred was going to be happy about this recent development but he wasn’t going to argue with me. I’m very persuasive. I tied their leashes to the posts at the front of the garden, and told them to sit still because I was sure they were hungry and needed something to snack on.   
“DOGGY!” I heard a voice say behind me, and I turned around to see Selina standing there with Edward in her arms.  
Edward was pointing at the hyenas excitedly, “Mommy, doggy!” he said again.  
“Yes, doggy.” Selina narrowed her eyes, “Why may I ask are these creatures here? Where have you two been?”  
“We went to rescue them from Bane. It was uneventful because he was sleeping. But Bruce got to punch someone, so he felt better.” I shrugged, and pushed past her.  
She followed me diligently, pressing, “Um, that doesn’t answer why you brought them here. We have a child.”  
“They won’t attack him.” I said firmly, “They only attack people that threaten me. It’s what I trained them to do.”  
“Ugh, this is ridiculous.” Selina groaned audibly, “Now Edward is going to think we have dogs and want to play with them.”  
“And he can play with them all they want.” I said curtly, making a beeline for the back of the house.  
She shifted Edward to her other shoulder, “Harley, come on! You expect me to be ok with these beasts back here?”  
“Yes, I do!” I swirled around to face her, stopping her in her tracks, “I think you should just keep your fucking mouth shut and deal with it! I am going in the house now and going to bed. We have to meet with the lawyer tomorrow morning.”  
She groaned, “God, why did I even bother coming here? I’m so going to prison.”  
“Well, just pray you’re not. You’re the only one who will be praying for that outcome.” I snapped, and went into the house. She didn’t follow me this time.   
I went into my bedroom and slammed the door behind me. Leave it to Selina to ruin the one actually good evening I’ve had since I left Italy. I changed into my pajamas, and flopped onto my bed.  
The door opened, and I saw Bruce walk in, “Jesus Christ, why must you antagonize her?”  
“She’s an adult, she can handle it. I don’t know why she feels the need to snitch on me every time I say something negative.”  
He rolled his eyes, “I must be mentally ill to put up with all this.”  
“Yeah, maybe.” I huffed, and dug my face into my pillow, “Go away, I have to sleep.”  
“I’ll see you in the morning.” He closed the door behind him.  
…  
After we got everyone together and dressed up for the lawyer (which took a lot longer than you’d think for five adults), Bruce drove us into the city to meet with Justin.   
Justin opened the door when we got there, and his eyes widened when he saw Selina standing there, all slinky in a black dress and heels. She had that kind of effect on men.  
“You must be Selina Kyle.” He said matter-of-factly.  
“The one and only.” She stepped past him, “Let’s get this over with.”  
We all filed in, and Selina and Angela sat in the chairs in front of Justin while the rest of us stood. Justin sat down and folded his hands on his desk, “So, Ms. Kyle, I appreciate you risking your safety to be here today. You must really care for Ms. Isley.”  
“We were married, you know.” Selina crossed her leg in her usual sultry fashion.   
“Yes, I did know that. And you still aren’t divorced from the looks of it.” He said, checking his file.  
“No, we are not. We own property together so we felt that we didn’t want to deal with that. I don’t think either of us are getting re-married anytime soon.” She said snidely.  
“Yes, I suspect not.” He answered with equal dry humor.  
If Selina was not attached, I bet that guy would have jumped her in front of us, the sexual tension was that high. As I said, I admired the effect she had on men in that way. Well, not admired. More like marveled at the manipulative qualities she had. I just would never have the confidence to be like her.  
“Anyway, what is the deal you’re going to make me here?” Selina said, shifting in her seat, “I know what terms I want, but I prefer you would make me an offer first so I can inevitably counter.”  
“You’re very direct.” He commented, and looked at his notes, “Well, here’s what I can do for you. You can testify in court and we can arrange something with the judge ahead of time to suspend any charges in exchange for you telling your side of the story. However, there could be some negative consequences. Since you will likely be admitting to some crimes during the testimony, there could be reason to indict you. So, we’d have to either really work around what you say in court, or you’re going to have to risk it and then as soon as the trial is complete, you’d have to – and don’t tell anyone I’m saying this, but – you’d have to just run. I don’t care how and I can pretend I didn’t know, but you have to find a way out.”  
Selina listened carefully to his statement and finally said, “Ok, I think I can agree to those terms. I prefer that we find a way for me to not get arrested, obviously, but I think that’s fair. I do appreciate you being so understanding of the situation.”  
“Well, you’re going to be a key witness either way, so it’s really imperative that we can get you to be there. I think that Pam would likely feel better if you’re there, don’t you agree?” he asked.  
She hesitated, “Yes, I believe so. Pam and I have a complicated relationship, but it’s generally positive. I can’t guarantee that I won’t punch Barbara Gordon in the tits, though.”  
“I can’t guarantee that, either.” I interjected.   
Bruce elbowed me to shut me up, and I glared at him.   
“Let’s not punch anyone in the tits, shall we?” Justin exhaled sharply, “This is not going to be easy, you know. I’ve taken on criminal trials, but none so complicated or with such longevity either. Pamela Isley found many ways to get around the law.”  
“That’s our girl.” Angela muttered with a mix of pride and disdain.   
“Now, Selina, I do not suggest you go to see Ms. Isley in prison. Leave that to the rest of these people. If you need to communicate something to her, tell them. We cannot have interference during the trial. We all have to agree on what’s happening and when. Do you understand?”  
“Yes.” She said firmly.   
“Alright. Well, the rest of you can leave the room. I need to discuss more details with Selina, and that would compromise our confidentiality agreement.” Justin said, looking at me and Bruce.   
“Yeah, I get it.” I said, casting a side-eyed glance at the both of them as we walked out. I didn’t trust Selina with young, impressionable men. Especially men who were in charge of her future.   
We all walked out, and I leaned over to Bruce, “She’s going to blow him.”  
“She is not, Harleen.” He said, looking startled.  
“She will. The end.” I said, and walked away to get a water bottle from the vending machine. Stress made me dehydrated.   
After about another half an hour, Selina emerged from the office, “We can go home now.”  
“Let’s go get some brunch, I’m fucking starved.” I said.  
“I agree.” Angela affirmed, and Mike nodded.   
We walked down the hallway to the elevator, and I turned to Selina, who was texting on her phone, “Justin’s pretty cute, huh?”  
“Yeah, I guess, in that puppy dog way.” She said dismissively, “Why?”  
“Just commenting.”   
She slowed her steps, and leveled her eyes, “What are you implying?”   
“Nothing.” I said quickly.  
“You’re such an ass-hole, Harley. I have a boyfriend. I am texting him right now, in fact.” She shoved her phone in my face, and I was met with a plethora and smiley face and heart emojis on the screen, “And also, he is 100 times hotter than that lawyer, and not a dickhead.”   
“Gee, sorry, didn’t know you found the perfect guy. Does this perfect guy even know why you’re here? That you were married to a woman, and that woman is in prison?” I shot at her.   
She narrowed her eyes at me, “Ok, fine, you got me. No. He thinks Pam is my friend from college who got arrested and I’m helping bail her out. And I would prefer he doesn’t know anything more than that, for his happiness and mine.”   
“I see. Just checking.” I said smugly, and moved quickly to catch up with Bruce.


	8. Feelin' Hot to the Touch

Chapter 8: Feelin’ Hot to the Touch

You're falling hard, I push away, I'm feelin' hot to the touch  
You say you miss me, and I say I miss you so much  
But something keeps me really quiet, I'm alive I'm a lush  
Your love, your love, your love  
\- “West Coast”, Lana del Rey 

On a plane somewhere across the Atlantic, the Joker was coming for me. He didn’t know where I was, where I lived, what he did to deserve me leaving him, but he was going to talk to me. He was going to make me come back. I didn’t know any of this at the time. I had no idea what would happen in the coming weeks. But he was coming for me.  
…  
At the table during brunch, Selina left the table to go to the bathroom. Angela leaned across the table and said quietly to me, “Can you and Bruce go do something while Mike and I talk to Selina?”  
I was caught off-guard, “Well, yeah, sure. What are you going to talk to her about?”  
“We just need to get some things out in the open.” She replied, “We have some questions for her and we want to have them answered, and I don’t think you and Bruce being around is going to make her reveal her actual feelings about this situation.”  
“I understand.” I nodded, “We can make ourselves scarce.”  
“Thank you, dear.”   
“No problem.”   
I looked over at Bruce who was giving me a skeptical glance, and I leaned over, “We need to go find something to do for a couple hours while the Isleys talk to Selina.”  
“Oh, that’s fine. Do you know what they’re going to talk to her about?”   
“Nope. Not a clue.”   
“Well, it must be important if they don’t want us around.” He said pensively, “How about we go to Saks Fifth Avenue, then? I’ve been meaning to get a couple of new dress shirts and ties for work, and maybe I can get your fashionable opinion.”  
I smiled, “Well, you’re fashionable enough on your own.”   
He shrugged, “I do my best. But a woman’s advice never hurts. And we can make out in the dressing room.”  
“Sounds like a plan.”   
Angela and Mike whisked Selina away, probably to grill her about her relationship with their daughter, and Bruce and I made our way to 5th Avenue. He tried to hold my hand, but I squirmed away.  
“What’s wrong?” he asked.  
“Well, you’re followed everywhere by New York City tabloids. I would prefer to keep myself out of the spotlight.”  
“Then don’t date me.”  
I halted, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. We are not dating.”  
“That’s not what I meant.” He said quickly.  
“You know what you meant.” I pointed my finger accusingly at him, “We are not dating. We are fuck buddies. That’s where this ends. I’m not going down that road again. I remember what happened last time, do you? Do you have temporary amnesia?”   
“I don’t have amnesia.” He said irritably.  
“Then don’t act like you do. If people see us together, that’s going to lead to a lot of questions. And I am not dealing with that.” I snapped.   
“I didn’t pay an exorbitant amount of money to get your records expunged, Harl-I mean, whatever the fuck, Annabelle!” he said, exasperated, “You picked such a dumb name.”  
“It was from Sex and the City.” I corrected him snidely.  
He merely gave me a dead-pan look, “I am so over this.”  
“Dude, I was over us like 2 years ago. I told you this was just a sex thing. It’s not my fault you had to go and catch feelings for me or something.”   
“How can you be so cruel to me?”   
“How can you be so overdramatic?” I retorted, “Are you even listening to yourself?”  
Bruce looked around hastily. We were starting to garner some looks from passerby on the street.  
“Let’s just go inside.” He said, basically thrusting me into the revolving door of Saks.  
“Don’t hustle me!” My indignation was met with a glass door almost hitting me in the face. I stepped out of the door and waited for him for the other three seconds it took for him to go through the revolving monstrosity (those doors make me anxious, ok?).   
“Come on, let’s go upstairs. We’ll fight about this privately.” He said, making his way for the escalator.  
“Are you really pausing this fight?” I asked in disbelief, “Is this actually happening?”  
“Yes.” He said curtly, and pulled me along.   
I shook my hand off, “I am protesting this.”  
“Then don’t come with me. But I am done arguing about this right now.”   
I grunted something unintelligible and just followed him. This wasn’t worth fighting about in the middle of a crowded department store. He was, I admitted to myself grudgingly, right about that. If I fought with him, it would draw way more attention to myself than was necessary.   
We went up onto the men’s floor and he perused some ties, and I sulked behind him.   
“Can you at least try to have fun?” he commented.  
“You’re being an ass, so no.”  
He rolled his eyes, “Are you on your period or something?”  
I gave him a dead-pan stare.  
“Ok, I take that as a no.”   
“Stop being a sexist douchebag.”   
“Here we go, blaming the man for the woman’s issues.” He groaned, putting down a red and black striped tie.  
“I’ll partially forgive you because you didn’t grow up with a mother figure, but you are DUMB when it comes to women.” I pointed my finger at him accusingly, “Yes, we totally like to be reminded that we have periods and that men are superior because they don’t, thanks for noticing!”   
“UGH.” He merely replied.  
“Fine, I’ll just stop talking for the rest of this exciting jaunt. I’m over it.” I said, “I’m going down to the women’s floor. Text me when you want to leave. I am going to be alone and like it.”  
“Fine.” He walked away without argument.  
I went down to the women’s floor and looked at clothes I couldn’t have because my bank account was sad and laughing at me when I tried to withdraw money. My phone buzzed after about 2 minutes, and I assumed it had to be Bruce, but I looked and it was my sister.   
Maggie: Are you ever going to call me?  
Me: Sorry. A lot going on. When are you free?  
Maggie: Call me tonight at 9 after my shift.   
Me: Ok.  
She stopped texting me after that. I assumed she must have been just heading into work. I felt really bad because I didn’t exactly update her on my life often. It was a bad habit I’d gotten into when I thought she was dead. Dude, my life is fucked up.   
I imagined it was probably to have a conversation about her wedding, which was coming up very soon, as in two and a half months soon. I was just so looking forward to socializing with people from Bumfuck Nebraska, you don’t even know. Thank God she had insisted on an open bar. Well, maybe she’d let me bring Bruce so I wasn’t bored. That is, if I still wasn’t pissed at him. Fucker.  
After wandering around for another 25 minutes, my phone buzzed again, and I looked down. This time it was Angela.  
Angela: Where are you two?  
Me: Saks. Should we meet up with you?  
Angela: We’ll meet you outside. We’re a few blocks away.   
Me: Ok.  
I texted to Bruce to get his ass moving, and he responded, saying he was already down at the register. Boy, that man was on my last nerve today.   
I trudged toward the escalator and found Bruce waiting at the end of it.  
“What’s with the face?” he asked.  
“You said you would text me when you were done.”  
He held up the bag, “And…I’m done…?”  
“I thought you would text me before you got to the register.” I was doing my best whiny voice. And, believe me, it was obnoxious.  
“That was never agreed upon. Let’s just go. Did Angela get ahold of you?”  
“Yes, she said they would meet us outside shortly.”  
“Alright.”  
We went outside and saw the three of them at the streetlight waiting to cross. I waved at them so they would notice us, and Mike waved back. We caught up with them and we walked back to Bruce’s town-car. Selina leaned over to me in the backseat, “What’s up with you two? You seem pissy.”  
“Well, he’s a fucktard.” I said.  
“That’s not news.” She snorted derisively, “What’s his offense?”  
“Being stupid.”  
“Could you possibly elaborate?”  
“I don’t owe you an explanation.” I said curtly.  
“I’m attempting to be nice here. Give me some credit.” Selina folded her arms across her chest, “It’s not like I actually care about your problems.”   
“The feeling is mutual.”  
She didn’t say anything in response, merely just played with her phone. I saw she was texting Luke, probably about how horrible I was. Eh, none of my business really. She could tell that guy whatever she wanted to about me. It’s not like I’ll ever meet him. I wouldn’t particularly care to meet the person who took Selina away from Bruce and her child. Or did I? Tough choice.  
As we got out of the car to go into Bruce’s garage, I looked at Selina, “I have a question. I have a hunch about something and I want to know if it’s true.”  
She turned, “Go ahead.”  
“When you came to New York to ask Pam for the house, did you guys do the lady tango?”  
“…ok, yes.” She admitted.  
“I KNEW IT!” I pumped my fist in the air, and then ran inside, “BRUCE I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!”  
…  
I went upstairs to my room to call my sister. It was a little after 9; she should be at least on her way home by now. It rang a couple times and she picked up.  
“Hey,” she answered.  
“What’s up?”  
“I haven’t heard from you in a while. Is everything ok up there?”   
“I don’t know how to explain ‘ok’ to you.” I chuckled slightly, “But if you want the gist of things, I’m sleeping with Bruce again and Selina came here to testify for Pam’s trial.”  
“Well Jesus!” she yelped, “That’s kind of big news!”  
“Yeah, I know. I should have told you earlier.”   
“Ok, well, um…I don’t even know how to respond. When is the trial?”  
“In a couple weeks.”  
“Are you going to be able to come back here for your dress fitting? The wedding is, oh you know, TWO MONTHS from now.” She sounded a bit on edge.  
“Yes, yes, I’m so sorry. I’ll come in for the weekend. Let me get Bruce to buy the plane tickets for me. Can you pick me up at the airport once I tell you what time?”   
She sounded a little more relieved, “Yes, that’s fine. I’m sorry to make you come here when you have so much going on, but this is my wedding…”  
I interjected, “No, it’s fine. Seriously. Is everything going ok with the planning?”  
“Yeah, it’s just hard when he and I work all the fucking time. Public service jobs are the worst. Thank God I’m taking two weeks’ vacation for this. So explain to me why you’re back to sleeping with your ex.”  
“Ugh.” I merely said in return.  
“That’s not even close to an explanation.”  
“Well, it’s not really anything. We’re just having sex because we were bored and lonely.”  
“I imagine that’s your interpretation of it, but what about him?”  
“Therein lies the problem.” I lowered my voice, “I think he’s falling back in love with me.”  
“That would be a consequence of this particular situation.”  
“Don’t be sassy.” My older sister tone crept back into my voice; you know you never lose it, older siblings, “We’re going to have a talk because I’m over this romantic bullshit. I’m not meant to be domesticated.”  
“You’re not an animal.”  
“I know that.” I said in exasperation, “I’m just over this. I think going to Nebraska for a weekend will clear my head.”  
“I hope so. Well, I just got home. Gotta make myself something to eat. Text me your flight information when you book it.”  
“I will.”   
“Alright, good night. Try to relax, Harley.”  
“You relax, Bridezilla.”   
She laughed sarcastically, “Ha. Good night.”  
“Night.” And we hung up.  
I flopped down against my bed. I did not want to go to Nebraska, especially in the midst of this trial, but my sister needed me. And I believed it when I said that maybe I could use some time away.   
…  
I went to visit Pam a couple of days later to give her the good (?) news about the trial. It was getting closer and closer and I could tell she was panicked. She looked like she hadn’t been sleeping well; understandably so. When she came into the room, her eyes were a little red and her hair was just thrown back into a ponytail. Not like her at all.  
I sat down across from her, “You are a mess.”  
“Thanks for letting me know.” She said miserably, “I can see what I look like.”  
“What’s going on? Are they abusing you or something?” I asked.  
“No, no, I’m just so over this prison thing.” She sighed.  
“Aren’t we all.”   
She glared at me, “Really? You have the nerve to say that to me?”  
“Yeah, I do.” I shrugged, “I’m your best friend. I have to tell it like it is.”   
“Blargh.” She mumbled and put her head down on the desk.   
“Well that’s a positive attitude.”   
“Did you come here to mock me or give me an update on the trial?” she asked, lifting her head up.  
“A little of both, but mostly the trial.” I replied, “Ok, so Selina’s in town.”  
“What?!”   
“Yes, we flew to Wyoming and got her to come back with us.”  
“How did you know she was there?”  
“Powers of deduction, my friend.” I said smugly, “And thanks for telling me you guys hooked up when she came back to New York.”  
“Why would I bother to tell you that?” she snapped, “It wasn’t any of your goddamn business.”  
“Oh, shh.” I shushed her dismissively, “I’m not mad or anything. You do whatever you want. You’re a grown woman.”  
“I thought you were going to judge me.”   
“Eh, I am learning to let some things go.” I said, “Plus, it already happened so what was I going to do about it? And even more plus, I backslid with my ex so I think I need to put my judgment monocle down.”  
“Good point. Well, so did she agree to testifying?”  
“Yes, she did, at the risk of her own possible incarceration, but the lawyer says we can play it the right way. Very Chicago the musical.” I said.  
“Why must you tie everything back to a musical?” she rolled her eyes.  
“Because it’s easy to do. The situation begged for it.” I said shortly, “Anyway, she’s willing to do it. That’s the gist of it.”  
She looked relieved, “Well, I wasn’t really expecting that from her.”   
“Neither were we, to be honest.” I admitted, “I thought she was going to tell us to fuck off – which she did at first anyway – but she came around. She does still care about you.”  
“I know.” She smiled half-heartedly, “How’s her lover?”  
“You know about him?”  
“Yeah, she told me last time she called. Is she still dating him?”  
“Yeah, she was texty-texting him all the way home yesterday. It’s kind of gross.”   
“You’re telling me.” She groaned, “She’s gaga over him. He must be a really good lay or something because I’ve seen a picture and…eh.”   
“Pam, you’re a lesbian. Your view of men is a bit skewed.”  
“I still can tell if they’re hot or not!” she interjected, “I was hetero once upon a time.”   
“Yes, but you fell for your professor slash boss and let him do experiments on you. You had one opportunity and you failed. Although, come to think of it, your relationships with women have failed, too.”  
I looked up from my digression and Pam was glaring at me.  
“Sorry.” I said sheepishly, “Anyway, the point is that we are going to trial soon and you maybe have at least a chance of pleading insanity or something. I think if you do that we can get you into Arkham and go from there. Selina can corroborate that you’re not sound of mind.”   
“Fantastic.” She said irritably.  
“What other choice do we have? You’re already here. I can –” I lowered my voice, “-break you out of Arkham easy. Here, Barbara and the commissioner are up our asses. Barbara already knows who I am, she already knows who Selina is, we can’t do much about anything while you’re in here. You’re just going to have to wait it out.”  
“I know but it’s fucking hard!” she snapped, “You try being locked up and see how it feels!”  
“You know, I’d prefer not to do that. Justin is going to come here in a couple of days and update you on the case.”  
“Fine.” She sighed, “Why didn’t Selina come here to see me?”  
“She can’t really be seen in public by too many people.”   
She snorted derisively, “Yeah but she can call from unknown numbers and tell me how much she misses me.”  
“Did she really do that?”  
“Yeah, a couple of times. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know she loves Luke and all, but she still harbors some feelings for me. Not that it matters. I would never get back together with her.” Pam shrugged.   
“But you would sleep with her.”   
She narrowed her eyes, “Thank you, Dr. Judgment. Would you prefer to not talk about the fact that you are currently sleeping with your ex?”  
“Yes, but he didn’t leave me.” That was a poor argument but it had to be said.  
“Ouch.” She feigned a wound to the heart, “Whatever, Selina will leave this Luke guy out in the cold too. She does it to everyone. She can’t stay in one place for long. She loves fast and hard and when it’s over, it’s over. It’s just her MO.”   
“But everyone loves her for it anyway.” I said bitterly.  
“Don’t resent her too much. At least she comes back eventually.”   
“I guess.”  
We were silent for a moment.  
“Have you talked to…him?” she asked.  
“No, and I am not planning on it.” I said shortly.  
“Why not?”   
“You know why not. I don’t want to talk to him.”   
“Not even to explain things?”   
“Nope. And I haven’t really decided if I’m going back to him or not. I could still decide to love him again. I don’t know. I have to think about it.”   
“And are you really thinking about it?”   
She caught me there. I answered awkwardly, “Not exactly. I just want my daughter back.”   
“And you think you’re going to be able to take care of her?”   
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I shot back defensively.  
“You have no income and no real name. Doesn’t bode well for raising a child. No court would allow you to have her.”   
“I am concocting a plan.” I said.  
“What kind of plan?”   
“A not-so-legal plan, but a plan.”   
“Don’t be so mysterious. Tell me.” She said curtly.  
“I can’t really tell you right now because I am in a government facility and I have eyes on me. I’ll keep you updated.” I glanced around surreptitiously.  
“Alright.” She leaned back in her chair, “but it had better be good.”  
“Oh trust me, it is.” I assured her.  
I got back in my car, heading for Bruce’s house. I hated when she brought him up in conversation. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was a shitty girlfriend and an even more awful mother. I knew I was never going to get over that I did this to them. I didn’t know if I would ever get my daughter back and if he would just feed her lies for the rest of her life about me, about the person I was. I didn’t want that for her. I didn’t think about the consequences when I got on that plane that day. I just got on and hoped I was doing the right thing. Now I was doubting myself. What the hell was I going to do when he inevitably comes to confront me?   
…  
The plane landed in New York. He got off the plane, no suitcase in hand. A car waited for him there with a large bodyguard. There was no Olivia to be seen, no expression on his face at all. All he thought about was how the love of his life walked out on him. And he was pretty fucking pissed off.


	9. I'll Get Over You

Chapter 9: I’ll Get Over You

Over, I’m so over you, the way you laugh at everything I do  
Over, I’m so over you, the way you said that you’d always be true  
Maybe if I tell myself enough, maybe if I do  
I’ll get over you.  
\- “Over You”, Ingrid Michaelson feat. A Great Big World

“Ryan, these RSVPs are going to put me up a fucking wall!”   
“Babe, you’re going to get hypertension. We’ll just call them.”  
“I already have! TWO VOICEMAILS RYAN AND NO RESPONSE. I need to know if they are coming to our wedding! How can people be so ignorant?!”   
“I-”  
“Forget it, I’m doing this myself! You’re so useless!” Maggie stormed out of the dining room of her house and Ryan slumped against the doorway and looked at me. I was sitting at the kitchen table doing my best to look busy.  
“Are all the Quinzel women like this?” he asked wearily.  
“We are a feisty bunch, I have to admit.” I shrugged.  
He sat down at the table, and ran his hands through his hair. Ryan was a pretty handsome guy; I could see why my sister liked him so much. He was tall – but not too tall – had that tousled sort of brown hair, dark eyes, and was muscular from all the working out at the police gym. He was also a guy who pretty much wouldn’t hurt a fly. But you didn’t even need to do that in wherever the fuck they were Nebraska. You barely stopped people for speeding tickets. I think their whole police force was 10 people. Nothing against Ryan but it wasn’t exactly a high-stress job.  
“What was your mother like?” he inquired.  
It caught me off-guard. Ryan and I didn’t really ever much of a conversation…ever. I mean, I understand he wanted to get to know me but still, I am wanted criminal with a new identity and a psycho ex-boyfriend. No one ever wanted to get too close to me.  
“Well…” I had to think about it for a minute, “My mom was a lawyer, as you probably know. And a good one. She was sharp as a tack, so fucking smart.”  
It was so cute; he cringed when I swore.  
“She graduated the top of her class at Harvard, you know. Our parents were totally overachievers, and so are we, obviously. Maggie wanted to be a doctor before everything happened. I’m sure she still will, knowing her. And my mother was kind of a serious person when we were young, very tough on us. When she got diagnosed, she changed. She was a lot nicer to us then; I think it was that whole ‘I think I may be dying’ thing. She loosened up a lot after she got better. She was still a shark at work, but wasn’t as bad about bringing work home with her. She loved us very much.”   
“Maybe Maggie and her had a different relationship.” He commented.  
“What makes you say that?”   
“Your tone is different when you talk about her. Maggie’s is a lot warmer.”  
“That’s because Maggie was the golden child.” I said way too quickly, just a tad too bitterly.  
“Ah, I see.” Ryan’s eyebrow raised ever so slightly.  
“Yes, well, our relationship with our parents was always different. They treated me more…harshly isn’t the right word, but they let me make more mistakes than her. They pushed me always to do better when Maggie could get a C and no one would bat an eye. They made me pay my way through grad school while Maggie could just lay around.”  
“Do you resent them for that?” he asked.  
“Not now I don’t. The both of them dying put a lot into perspective. I think I was better prepared for life than Maggie was in the long run, but then again, she ended up with a more normal life than I did. As per usual.”   
“You could have had a normal life.”   
“I almost did.” John’s face passed through my head, a very distant and intangible memory.   
Ryan was quiet.  
“Do you think Maggie blames me for that?” I had never said that out loud.  
“Maybe deep down, but she’d never tell you.” Ryan admitted, “I mean, she loved your parents deeply and they did die at your wedding at the hands of your ex-boyfriend.”   
“Well, when you put it like that…” I said miserably.  
He grabbed my hand, “Come on, Harley, you didn’t know what was going to happen that day.”  
“No, I didn’t but I should have.”   
“You can’t keep carrying that guilt around. The only person who should be guilty is him. I could arrest him if you want. I have cop buddies all over.”  
“That’s kind of you, but you won’t find him. He’s a fucking snake in the grass. He only comes out when there’s a victim to be had.” I sighed.  
Maggie came back into the room, looking a little less upset, “You guys want to order Chinese food? I’m starving.”  
“Sure.” Ryan and I said in unison, I’m sure both to appease her wrath.  
“Ryan, you order. You know what I want.” She said, and disappeared again to probably do other Bridezilla activities.  
He stood up, “What do you want, Harley?”  
“Orange chicken, chow mein and crab rangoon.” I recited by heart. My favorite and only order.  
“Got it.”   
I liked Ryan. I understood why my sister liked him. He was clean, simple, listened to her. There’s a lot to be said about people who don’t have a lot of baggage. Like me. Like my ex-boyfriends. Like my best friend. Man, I attract some fucking weirdos. Maybe that’s why Selina liked Luke so much. He didn’t have any complications. I had a sobering thought: no one would ever love me for being simple and nice. Only people as fucked up as me could love me. So, my options were a bit limited.   
“You ok, Harley?” Ryan asked.  
“Yeah, fine. Just thinking.”   
“About…?”  
“About how my sister is very lucky to have you as a future husband.” I said, smiling, “You’re way too good to her.”  
“Aw, nah, it’s easy to be good to her. I love her.”   
“That’s nauseating.”   
“You Yanks and your cynicism.” He shook his head, “I’d better find your sister. She shouldn’t be left alone much these days. She gets a little…stressed.”  
“Yeah I imagine. Go fetch your woman.”  
He disappeared, and I was left alone with my thoughts. And also with the fact that he just called me a Yank. I didn’t know people in Nebraska did that. Do they? I don’t know. Weird.   
…  
The next day, the group of us ladies went to the bridal salon to get our final dress fittings done. My sister had finally opted for a gold one-shoulder dress (as per my gentle nudge in that direction) and we all tried them for her. We all came out, and my sister jumped up in excitement, “I love them!”  
We all kind of just looked at each other and nodded our approvals. Her one friend griped about the color a bit when we selected it, but she was silent now. I used my criminal intimidation tactics to wear her down because she was a huge bitch. But I didn’t want to be too mean to her because Maggie had to deal with her for hours and hours regularly at the hospital and it was none of my business who she was friends with. She couldn’t exactly talk to many of her friends in New York because some of them still didn’t know she was alive. It was all very complicated, I suppose.   
“I’m glad you like them.” I said, “I think the color is really nice for the time of year.”  
She nodded vehemently, “Yes, yes, definitely.”   
I shot a smug look at her friend, who ignored me. Come on, bitch, if I’m childish you have to be childish too. That’s how girl world works.   
When I turned back around, my sister was glaring at me and shaking her head. I ceased and desisted then because I did not want to face the wrath. My sister could be downright evil if she wanted to be and neither was she afraid to be. Girl be stressed. Out. This is why I never wanted to get married again. It’s one big old pain in the ass.   
We finished up with our dress fittings and my sister insisted on taking all of us out to lunch, so we all obliged, me more reluctantly than everyone else. I had nothing in common with these people, nothing to talk about. I just smiled and nodded and laughed at the appropriate moments in conversation. I felt a little detached from everything; it made me remember planning my own wedding to John and being so blissfully happy only to have it promptly be blown to smithereens by my madman ex-lover. Totally normal. I thought about the fact that I may never get married again. I thought about the fact that John was irrevocably dead and that I hadn’t even really given him a second thought in years and how shitty of a person that made me.   
My sister gave me a look that said, ‘are you alright?’ without having to actually open her mouth. I just nodded, shooing her away dismissively. She looked at me anxiously but I shook my head. I didn’t need her to think about the fact that I was also the person who was at fault for our parents not being at her wedding. She was having Ryan’s father walk her down the aisle which was a nice gesture but it shouldn’t have been that way. I knew deep down in my heart that this was painful for her, too, that Ryan could celebrate all of this with his family and closest friends and my sister and I were the only ones left. We only had each other.   
After lunch my sister and I got back in her car to go to her house.  
“What’s wrong, Harleen?” she asked. She never used my full name.  
“I’m just thinking about Mom and Dad.” I admitted.  
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately.” She sighed, “I know that they’re watching us and they’re happy, and that’s what matters.”  
“Yes, but I’m to blame for them not being here.”  
“Yes, but that wasn’t your fault at all. You didn’t think your ex was going to burn the church down. No one saw that coming. You know that.”   
“I did know something was going to happen.” I said quietly.  
She glanced sharply at me, “What do you mean?”  
“He saw me before the wedding. He threatened me. I told him to leave. I thought he would have respected me enough to leave, but he didn’t. Instead he shot my fiancé and our parents died. I am at fault. I fell in love with a psychopath.” I couldn’t even help the tears forming at my eyes, “I am the worst kind of person, Maggie. I let our parents die and they won’t be here for us, for you, for our children. That was my fault.”  
She was silent for a moment, and then she replied, “I’m not angry at you. And I…um…when I heard our parents died, I was devastated. Absolutely devastated. I couldn’t believe it. Initially I thought you had died, too. Things were so chaotic. But then the Joker contacted me and told me you were alive.”  
“Wait, so you knew for that long that I was alive and you didn’t even call?” I snapped.  
“Hey, hey, slow down. At the time, I was still under witness protection. I couldn’t have contact with people from my previous life, not even you. I don’t know how the Joker even found me-”  
“He has his ways.” I said darkly.  
“Well, apparently, because he did find me and he did tell me that you were alive and everything was going to be fine, that he was going to take care of you. I had started dating Ryan then and I was happy enough for the time being, and I was just happy too that you were alive and I wasn’t a complete orphan. I figured I would see you eventually.”   
“I know. I just hate that he made me think that you were dead for so long. I really don’t think it just slipped his mind.”   
“Yes but I couldn’t even talk to you about anything so I wouldn’t blame him too much.”  
“Are you advocating for him? Really? He’s a fucking butt-hole. He was going to blow up Wayne Enterprises and everyone in it.”   
“I know, Harley, I know. I understand why you left. I have a hard time understanding why you keep changing your mind. Either stay with him or don’t. It’s not that difficult.”  
“But now we have a child. That makes things a lot more difficult.” I retorted.  
“I thought you wanted him to keep Olivia.”   
“No, I want her back.” I said stubbornly.  
“You’re being a fucking child.” She said, “She is not a toy that you can just pass around. She is a baby. You just thought you could walk away from being a mother and make yourself feel better by being independent or carefree or whatever but it doesn’t work that way. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to walk away and pretend the problem doesn’t exist.”   
“I’m not doing that!” I said, even though 99 percent of what she said was true and I wasn’t going to deny it to myself, “I want my child back and I want to give her a better life than what he’s going to give her.”  
“I really don’t think it matters who has her because either way it’s going to be a broken home situation if you don’t at least try to work things out with him. She will either grow up without a mother or grow up without a father. What do you prefer?” she shot at me.  
I fell silent.  
“I figured you’d have no witty retort.” She exhaled deeply, “I’m so over this stupid shit, Harley. Either get back together and try to commit to the relationship or accept the fact that you will never be a mother to your child.”  
“Neither one sounds plausible at the moment.” I realized how bratty I was being but I had to stick with my bad attitude now.  
“Well, you figure your shit out and then talk to me. I don’t want to hear it anymore. I can’t deal with the stress of this wedding and the stress of you and my job all at the same time. I will explode.”   
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to put this on you. You’re the only person I have now. I don’t have Pam, Selina is a whorebag who I can’t stomach the sight of, and Bruce can’t be objective. You have to help me through this.” I wiped the tears from my eyes, “I wish I didn’t have to do this to you.”  
“I know, I know.” She said comfortingly, “God, don’t cry. I’m sorry for getting in your ass about this but something’s got to give here. I will help you but my abilities are limited right now. Try talking to Ryan; he’s actually pretty objective and he’ll give you a straight answer.”  
“Agh I don’t want to talk to your fiancé about my love life.” I groaned.  
“Well it’s him or no one.”  
“Great choices.”   
We pulled into the driveway of her house, “Are you ok?” she asked.  
“Yeah I feel a little better now that I’ve talked this out somewhat. I’ll think about talking to Ryan.”   
“Good.” She smiled.  
…  
At dinner that night, I spilled my guts to my sister’s fiancé, who listened all too patiently and occasionally raised his eyebrows at my foul language. After I was done talking, he sat back in his chair and looked over at my sister.  
“Well, this is complicated.” He said matter-of-factly.  
“Told you.” She rolled her eyes, “Any manly advice?”  
“Hmm.” He said, “This is a bit beyond my scope, but here’s what I’ve got. I think that you should a) break up with Bruce, he’s only screwing things up for you at this point and b) at least talk to the Joker and see how he’s feeling about the situation. I think you have to talk to him. I know you’re avoiding it but it’s not going to get any better if you don’t. You didn’t even really tell him why you left and that’s – I’m sorry – pretty cold of you. You lived with him for goodness sakes and you have a baby together. That’s a lot of history to just throw away.”  
Definitely not what I wanted to hear but he was right about pretty much all of it. I put my head down on the table, “This is a hot mess.”  
“No, this is just a mess, plain and simple.” He corrected me, “You need to fix your relationship with the Joker before anything else happens. I imagine he’s going to be pretty upset about you sleeping with Bruce.”   
“I’m sure he already knows.”   
“Well I’m going to venture to bet that he’s probably on his way here.”  
“How do you figure that?”   
“I mean, I know I’d try to find out information about why you left.” He shrugged.   
“UGH.” I said in response.  
“Harley, just saying ugh is not going to help.” Maggie sighed, “We are here to support you, you know that, but sometimes you do stuff that is simply fucked up and stupid.”   
“Yes, yes, I do.” I couldn’t help but agree.  
“So are you going to talk to him?” she asked.  
“In a minute or year or whatever.” I grumbled.  
“That is not an acceptable answer. You will call him right now.” She looked pointedly at my cell phone which was sitting in front of me.  
“Now?” I said weakly.  
“Yes, now.”   
I shakily picked up the phone and went to my contacts and pressed our (well I guess not our anymore) Italy number. It rang 4 times and went to voicemail.  
I looked up and mouthed, “Voicemail.”  
She pointed and indicated to leave a message.  
At the beep I said, “Hey, it’s me. I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry. Please call me back on my cell. Bye.” I hung up, “Guess he wasn’t home.”  
“What time is it there?” Ryan asked.  
“Um…” In Nebraska it was 8 o’clock at night, so, “There it has to be like 6 AM, something like that. He should be home but he could be sleeping I guess.”  
“Call back tomorrow.” My sister instructed.  
“I will.” I said.  
The fact that he didn’t answer freaked me out. No matter what time it was, he answered that phone. I mean, he could have moved or something in the past few months. It was entirely possible but the voicemail would have been different. He was always home at 6 in the morning. I didn’t want to mention that to my sister, but I was panicked. If he was not at home, that meant he was somewhere else. And that somewhere else could be New York.   
I went upstairs and called Bruce, and he picked up, “Hey, what’s up? How’s Nebraska?”  
“Awful as always.” I said hastily, “I’m concerned, Bruce.”  
“What’s wrong?”  
“Maggie made me call him.”   
“Him him?” he clarified.  
“Yes, that him.”  
“Why did she do that?”  
“Because she has some bug up her ass about me trying to reconcile with him or something. You know I don’t want to but she told me to.” I knew I was rambling but I was at high anxiety status.  
“Ok, and what happened?”   
“You’re being way too fucking normal about this.” I snapped, “I left a voicemail because he didn’t answer. It’s 6 AM there. There was no reason for him not to answer.”  
“Maybe he was sleeping, Harley.” He said almost patronizingly.   
“He was not. He would have answered which leads me to believe that he is not in Italy. And if he is not in Italy then he’s fucking here. He’s looking for me.”   
“Calm down.” He said shortly, “He’s not here. You’re freaking out for no reason. I’m sure he’ll call you back.”  
“He won’t because he’s not there and if he’s not there, then where the hell is my child? I hope to God she’s not with one of his stupid-ass ex-bodybuilder henchmen or something.” I resisted the urge to bang my head against the wall repeatedly.  
“Harley, I’m sure everything is fine.”   
“I’m telling you something isn’t right here. I have a feeling in my gut.”  
“Well, I can tell you that he isn’t here. You have nothing to worry about.”   
…  
“Boss, she’s crying again.” Ramone said, holding Olivia awkwardly in his bulging arms while balancing the phone in his other hand, on the line with his boss.  
“Ramone, she’s fine.” He said, “Just give her a bottle. You know what you’re doing, you have like five children, don’t you?”   
“Yes, but I…”  
“I don’t have time for this. Figure it out.”  
“Where are you?”  
He looked up. Wayne Manor loomed in the distance, still with a few lights on.  
“Doesn’t matter.” He hung up.  
He fiddled with the gun in his pocket. That bitch thought she would get the best of him. She was wrong. She was so very, very wrong.


	10. This Beautiful Delusion

Chapter 10: This Beautiful Delusion

But this isn’t the place and it isn’t the time  
For this beautiful delusion  
That is robbing me blind  
I want to know, I want to know  
Will it make a difference when I go?   
\- “When I Go”, Over the Rhine 

The day had come for Pam’s court date. All of us were dressed up, ready to go, even little Edward was looking his most dapper in a sweater vest and khaki pants and little shoes. It was kind of adorable except I had to be serious because my best friend was kind of on trial for murder, among other things. I sat in the back of the courtroom wearing a big hat and my glasses in the hopes that I would remain anonymous. I didn’t want to testify and nor could I be under witness protection and with my new identity. I mean, it wasn’t like they could put me in prison but I was still an accomplice to murder and that could complicate things for me. Pam understood. Sort of. I think she would have preferred I corroborate her story but I wasn’t about to risk my freedom and my new identity for one night of her wrath. I was only there to make sure that she didn’t go completely nuts on good old Jason Woodrue. That bastard.   
Selina, Bruce and the Isley’s went to the front row of the courtroom, sitting behind Pam and Justin and his legal associates that were there to assist with the trial. Pam was at least dressed up nicely, in a dark green dress and blazer, her hair done and curled and make-up perfected. She looked at least a little more like herself than I had seen her previously. She stole a glance at Selina, and Selina gave her a half-smile in return.   
The judge entered and the bailiff said, “All rise for the honorable Judge Callahan.”  
The judge was a middle-aged man (probably in his 50’s) with graying temples, average height. Kind of typical white guy, to be honest. I hoped he was objective and not too conservative.   
“Prosecution, you may make your opening statement.” The judge announced.  
The prosecuting lawyer stood up. A short, curvier woman in her 40’s, her name was Gina Alton. I had seen her around the prison. She was representing the city of Gotham, one of the district attorneys. She had been somewhat decent friends with Harvey Dent before he went all destroy-the-city-and-everyone-you-love or whatever. Since he was gone, she had been promoted and hadn’t been making too much of a difference at this point. She was not quite as charismatic or as forceful as Dent had been, but she did her best with the circumstances.   
She stood up, “Yes, hello. This woman – Pamela Isley – is a menace to this city. Working under the alias Poison Ivy, she has committed many vicious crimes against this city and deserves a good, long stay in a maximum security prison.” She went on about how evil Pam was and all the other bullshit trying to make people go to her side but obviously I wasn’t listening. Pam was my best friend and we weren’t going to let her slander our friend.  
“Defense, you can make your opening statement.” The judge gestured to Justin.  
Justin stood up in turn, “Ladies and gentlemen of the court, I am here today to represent Pamela Isley. Yes, Pamela has done some things that are out of the ordinary and perhaps not quite legal, but Pamela has done many of these things under a state of extreme duress, and that is what I am here to prove to you today. We have assembled an excellent team of witnesses and we will talk with Pamela herself in order to get to the bottom of this. I assure you, not everything is as it seems on the surface. I ask you to listen to her today and be objective, wait until you hear everything until you form an opinion. I think you will be surprised.”  
The judge nodded, “Thank you. Prosecution, you may call your first witness for the trial.”  
Gina declared, “I would like to call Mrs. Angela Isley to the stand, please.”  
Angela stood up. She was looking lovely as always in her absolute best Chanel suit and her hair coiffed to perfection. Her heels clacked as she walked up and swore in. She sat down at the stand.  
“Let me verify a few facts first. You are Angela Isley, born in Tacoma, Washington and currently reside in Seattle, Washington. May I call you Angela?” Gina inquired as she approached Angela.  
“If you must.” Angela sniffed airily, “And yes, all of those facts are true.”   
I loved that sassy woman.  
“Yes, Angela, Pamela Isley is your daughter, correct?”  
“Yes, she is my daughter.”  
“And you are married to Michael Isley, born in Sacramento, California and also currently resides with you in Seattle, Washington?”   
“Yes, that is true.”  
“How long have you and Michael been married, Angela?”  
“35 years this year.”  
“A long time, a long time.” She nodded, “So, please tell me, what was Pamela like as a child?”  
“She was a very precocious child, in fact. Always way above everyone else in terms of intelligence and charm. She is our only child and we loved - love (she corrected herself) her dearly. We put her in the finest schools we could manage and she always excelled. She was a quiet child, though, kept to herself. I imagine it’s because she didn’t have any siblings. But we gave her everything she could have wanted.”  
“Ah, so a spoiled girl.”  
“That’s not what I meant.” Angela said harshly, “Parents spoil their children all the time if they have the means to do so. Michael and I had the means, so we took care of her, made sure she got the best. Every parent wants that for their child.”  
“There is no need to get defensive, Mrs. Isley, I just was making a statement.”  
“A rude statement.” Angela shot back, “Please get to your point.”  
“What I was implying was that Pamela had a normal childhood, if not obviously above average.”  
“Yes, she had a perfectly normal childhood.”  
“Thank you. Were you informed of her relationship with Dr. Jason Woodrue?”  
“No, I was not.”   
“You didn’t know anything about it whatsoever?” Gina raised an eyebrow slightly.  
“I heard his name once on the phone when she told me she received the internship. After that, I heard nothing more about it.” She answered.  
“Is this normal for the two of you, to not be communicative?”   
“Yes, it was normal. We were never very close. We only communicated when necessary.” Angela said, “And I have to admit I am a little ashamed of that. We were never close and I regret it. I think she maybe would have turned out a bit different if we cared more about what she was doing, kept her closer, but I can’t change that now.”   
I couldn’t help but basically face-palm. God, Angela, you couldn’t get all ‘it’s my fault’ on the stand. They’re going to eat her alive now. I looked at the back of Pam’s head, but obviously couldn’t see her expression. I'm sure it was rather stoic, knowing her.  
“Hmm, yes, I see.” Gina said, pacing a bit, “Well, then, did you know about the rest of her illicit activities, i.e. selling marijuana, cocaine, the like?”  
“I did not.” Angela shook her head, “You can check the records but I honestly did not have much contact with my daughter for the last 5 years. We had stopped speaking.”  
“Why had you stopped speaking?” The previous statement obviously begged that question.  
“It started with her telling us that she didn’t want us to come to her graduation, which I found out she didn’t even graduate recently by the way, and then that she had moved to Boston and wouldn’t give us an address.”  
“Didn’t that make you suspicious in any way?”   
“Yes, a little, but we trusted her. She was a good kid, never lied to us. I figured she just wanted her space. Eventually, it became months without speaking. Yes, I should have been suspicious but I figured she was an adult with a life and a job and we were never too close to begin with. She would send me occasional emails with updates, but nothing much more than that.”  
“So, then you were surprised when you found out about the charges made against her?” Gina said.  
“Of course we were.” Angela snapped, “This is our daughter. She was the valedictorian of her high school and went to Harvard for God’s sake! I never imagined that this would be her life.”  
“I apologize for upsetting you. I just wanted to clarify.” Gina was infuriatingly calm; that’s how I knew I never could be a lawyer. She continued, “Did Pamela urge you to come to her aid?”  
Angela ever-so-subtly glanced at me. I told her not to mention me at any point in this trial.  
“Yes.” She answered, “And we came because we love our daughter. The point is that it’s very difficult to believe that she would change herself so quickly. Something had to have happened to her to make her become this way, and I know what it is.”  
Gina looked puzzled. Clearly she wasn’t expecting this, “What do you mean by that, Mrs. Isley?”  
“I mean that her actual physical and mental make-up was changed. Don’t you check your sources?” Angela retorted, “Don’t you have somewhere in your files that Dr. Woodrue was experimenting on her illegally with biochemical ingredients? That her skin turned green for years and she didn’t know why? That she grew plants from her arms and her hands and it wouldn’t stop? Or, did they not tell you that?”  
Some people in the room gasped, hands flew to mouths. It was super cool, I felt like I was on Law and Order or something.  
Gina looked frantically through her notes, “That’s…all I know is that she did murder Dr. Jason Woodrue.”   
“Yes, I imagine that’s all you would know. Obviously Dr. Woodrue is not here himself to make a case but he was no innocent party in this. He gave our daughter an internship and then SLEPT with her and did experiments on her. He exploited her.”  
“Yes, yes, we do have it on record that he had consensual relations with Pamela, but nowhere in here does it say that he did experiments on her.” Gina said curtly.  
Pamela whispered something to Justin, and Justin stood up, “Your honor, I have an addendum.”  
“I’ll allow it.” The judge said.  
“Pamela Isley can provide photographic evidence of when he did experiments on her. She has photos of the condition of her skin after the experiment.”  
The judge nodded, “Yes, let’s see if we can get those, please, as soon as possible and bring them to evidence.”  
I knew then that that was going to be my job, but I waited in silence.   
“Thank you, Mrs. Isley, I think we have said enough for now.”   
“You may cross-examine the witness.” The judge said to Justin, who stood up and walked over to Angela.  
“Alright, Mrs. Isley, we have established that you knew nothing of your daughter’s criminal activity.” Justin said, “And we know now that there was definitely some reasoning behind the murder of Dr. Woodrue, which happened last year. Let’s move on to her relationship with the known criminal and sidekick of the Joker, Harleen Quinzel alias Harley Quinn.”  
I stiffened slightly.   
“Did you know anything of this relationship?” Justin asked.  
“No, I did not. I never knew anything about her until I saw Pamela again a month and a half ago.” Angela replied, “All I know is that they are – or were – very close and that Harley took refuge in her apartment for a few months.”  
“Alright. Obviously, the Joker and Harley Quinn are still wanted felons and no one knows their whereabouts so that is a bit of a dead end for this case. What about her subsequent relationship with the known jewel thief Selina Kyle, alias Catwoman, who is in this courtroom today? Did you know anything of this relationship?”   
“No, I also did not know anything about it. I know this makes me sound like a terrible mother, but again I have not had any contact with my daughter in years. It’s difficult for me to say who she kept company with because I have no evidence of it.” Angela sighed, “I understand now why she didn’t talk to me. She had a lot going on. A marriage, hiding out somewhere in the boonies…I feel a little hurt that I knew nothing about it, but I assure you that I am not by any means accomplice to what she has done. I want the best for her, but she has admitted to her crimes.”   
“Thank you, Angela, that will be all for now.” Justin helped her down from the stand, and she went to sit down, visibly shaken. Pam remained silent and barely even looked at her mother. That didn’t look very good to a jury.   
“Prosecution, please call your next witness.”  
“We call Erin Woodrue to the stand.”   
FUCK.   
A woman, who was definitely Jason Woodrue’s wife who definitely saw me that day, stood up and approached the stand. I lowered the brim of my big hat to cover up my face more. I could not let her see me or I would be royally fucked.   
“Erin Woodrue, you have been called here today to corroborate as witness to the death of your husband, Dr. Jason Woodrue.” Gina said, “Can you inform us of what went on that night?”  
“Yes.” She said a bit quietly, “Jason had come home after school, had a glass of bourbon as always, nothing out of the ordinary. We went to bed around 11. We were watching the neighbor’s kids, they were sleeping upstairs. Around 1 in the morning, Pamela comes bursting in, basically screaming and holding a gun. That Harley girl was with her.”  
“Ah, I see. What happened next?”  
“Harley left the room to check on the kids. She must have brought them home safely because they were in bed when the neighbors got home, thank God. I didn’t see her after that. Pam was screaming at Jason about what he had done to her, how angry she was at him. Then, she shot him right there. Right in front of me. He bled out on our bed.” Erin dabbed at her eyes, “I’m sorry for being emotional. It’s just very traumatic, you understand.”  
“Yes, yes, of course.” Gina nodded sympathetically, “What did Pamela do after she shot him?”  
“She looked at me for a moment, and then she ran. She must have driven away with the other girl. I called the police and he was already dead when they got there.” She shook her head, “I didn’t even know who she was; she just came in and shot my husband of 15 years in front of me. Cold-blooded killed him.”  
Yikes. This was bad. There was no denying this story.   
“So at that point, you were unaware of your husband’s affair with Ms. Isley?”   
“Pretty much. He had mentioned a student that was obsessed with him, a biology major, but no, he never confessed to an affair with her. I had my suspicions of course, but I never thought he would be the type to cheat. But, there was proof.”  
“What kind of proof?”   
She sighed audibly, “A videotape.”   
I saw Pamela put her hands over her face. Even I hadn’t heard this part of the story, so I leaned forward expectantly, interested in seeing how this would play out.  
“And where did you find this videotape?” Gina asked.  
“In his office when we cleaned it out. He had labeled it ‘experiment 1’ or something along those lines, and I watched it. It was them, having sex in his lab at Harvard. Undeniably her. You can’t mistake that red hair.” She said bitterly.   
“I see, I see.” Gina pressed her hands together, “Were you angry then, at your husband?”  
“It was hard to be angry when I was grieving already. Yes, I was still very upset but what could I do? The police couldn’t find her. I just had to wait it out. I had gotten used to the idea that maybe they would never find her, but I’m certainly glad they did.” She glared pointedly at Pam, “I know what my husband did was wrong, but you didn’t have the right to kill him. You could have worked it out some other way. That’s all I have to say on that matter. I hope you rot.”  
Justin jumped up, “Objection, your Honor, she cannot talk to my defendant that way!”  
“Overruled. This is not a soap opera.” The judge rolled his eyes, “Justin, you may question the witness.”  
“Thank you, Judge Callahan.” He turned back to Erin, “Mrs. Woodrue, you must have been unaware of the experiments he was performing on Ms. Isley.”  
“Of course.” Erin snorted, “I would never have stood for that.”   
“So, then how does it make you feel, learning about that today? That he did experiments on my client that turned her skin green? That she couldn’t even go out in public because people thought she was diseased? That he betrayed you and your marital vows with her?”   
Erin was silent for a moment. She took a measured breath, “Look, like I said, I am not saying what my husband did was right. If I had known about all of this, I would have put a stop to it. I’m truly sorry that he took advantage of her but I also imagine she knew he was married at the time the affair was going on.”  
“My client is not denying the affair nor the fact that he was married, and knew about it. That is not the point here, Mrs. Woodrue. The point is that your late husband took advantage of a 19-year-old student and never suffered any consequences for his actions.”  
“Can you really blame him?” Erin snapped, “If Harvard had found out, he would have been fired and put in prison!”  
“Yes, and he never was. He lived for years without any repercussions. Dr. Woodrue should have been brought to justice, and he never was. This left Pamela without any options other than to drop out of school and do the best she could do with her circumstances. This was partly your late husband’s doing.” Justin pressed, “This woman had to live for years under duress, under conditions of poverty and her only choice was to work and eventually resort to illicit actions to make her way in the world. You cannot sit here and tell me that that wasn’t your husband’s fault. Pamela was upset, angry, and wanted revenge for what had happened to her. No one is saying that the murder was necessary or right, but you can understand her reasoning behind it, can’t you?”  
“Yes.” Erin admitted, “Yes, I can.”  
“I have no further questions.” Justin announced, and Erin made her way off the stand.   
This was going slightly better than I thought it was going to; Justin was smart and quick. He had basically disproven Erin’s testimony by having her admit that there was cause for Jason’s death. We could have a shot at the duress argument. I am not saying we could win this or anything because there was no reason she wasn’t going to prison, but if we could at least get her admitted to Arkham, there was an almost certain possibility of breaking her out.   
The next to approach the stand was a weasel-y looking man with thinning dark hair, dressed in what was once an expensive suit probably 3 or 4 years ago. I didn’t recognize him at all; I looked around to get a reaction and maybe to see Pam’s face but she was still sitting very quietly at the table. Justin probably told her to remain demure as much as possible, which was smart, but frustrating for me.   
He swore in and sat on the stand and Gina walked up, gathering her notes neatly in her hand.   
“Would you state your name for the court, please?” she asked.  
“William Bergdorf III.” He said into the small microphone. Not a name I had heard before, unless he was related to the people who founded Bergdorf Goodman which I doubted was the case considering his state of being.   
“William, what is your relationship to the defendant?”   
“Former classmate at Harvard University.” He replied.  
My face screwed up in thought. Former classmate…? OH. The guy who helped her sell drugs. I never knew his name or even really anything about him. It was pre-Harley era.  
“Please explain your relationship after Harvard with Pamela.”   
“Yes, well, Pam contacted me a while after I had graduated, maybe a year, a year and a half after if I remember correctly. She was desperate, she needed money. I was working for my father then as a junior executive; initially I turned her down.”   
“How did you become acquainted with Pamela?” Gina inquired.  
“We were in a couple gen ed classes together in college, went to a couple parties with mutual friends. I wasn’t best friends with her or anything, just knew her on the fringe; she helped me study for my anatomy class one semester. Never made much of an impression on me. I never really even thought about her until she called me that day.” He said, inspecting his fingernails in that annoying nonchalant way that people do.   
“Why did she contact you that day, Mr. Bergdorf?”   
“She was interested in selling marijuana, heard I was involved partially with some people. I’m not sure how she heard that; I imagine it was one of our old college friends from the yacht club. Pamela hung around sometimes with the same snobby types I did, all of us that came from money.”  
I could see Pamela shaking her head in embarrassment. She wasn’t exactly forthcoming about her rich girl status and I couldn’t exactly picture her being the yacht type, caviar or whatever like those Harvard guys. This guy was so full of shit.  
“Right. And so you helped her become involved in the drug ring?”   
“Inadvertently, yes. I gave her a number to contact someone and told her never to call me again. I didn’t want to get any more involved than I needed to be.”  
“And how were you involved in the drug ring exactly, Mr. Bergdorf?” Gina raised an eyebrow.  
“Partially in distribution. I was a middleman, got a cut of some of the money. I was never directly involved in selling it to anyone. God, this was years ago. Pamela stayed in it a lot longer, got herself pretty high up in the ranks from what I heard.” William sighed, “She was such a nice girl in college, kind of dorky and book smart. I never understood why she got involved with all of that.”   
“You never spoke to Pamela about her situation?”  
“No, she called and said that she was almost broke, needed money, and that she wanted help. So, I helped her. It’s as simple as that. I wasn’t in the business of asking questions.”  
He was trying to find a way out of looking like a complete shit-head but it wasn’t really working. I imagined he must have gotten some kind of immunity for testifying about this like Selina was, but he was still beating around the bush so that he didn’t look like a terrible person. I mean, he wasn’t even as bad as I was, but I still didn’t like the way his eyes darted around when he talked. It made him look shady.   
“I lost contact with Pamela after a few months,” he continued, “As I said, I heard she was doing pretty well with the drug circuit and I soon after got myself extricated from that crap. I had a business to run and I haven’t touched any of that since. You can check my records.”  
“We believe you, Mr. Bergdorf, I do have your sworn statements.” Gina nodded curtly, “Did you have any other contact with Pamela after the first phone call?”  
“Only barely in the years after that. Before now, I think it’s been like 7, 8 years since I had heard anything about her. When I saw she got arrested, I made sure to make myself available for questioning, as you know. I just didn’t realize how bad things got for her.” He looked for Pam, “I’m sorry that you turned out like this. I never thought it would escalate that quickly.”   
What a fucking jack-off. I was fuming for Pam. All these people thinking that they needed to feel sorry for her. She was a strong, independent woman who took care of herself when nobody else would and here they were making her into a victim. I know that’s what they had to do, but it was pissing me off to no end. What a joke. I couldn’t believe Pam hadn’t reacted at all yet. She was keeping it together and I was proud of her.   
“Defense, would you care to cross-examine this witness?” the judge asked.  
Justin shook his head, “No, I would not like to do that at this time. He answered all the pertinent questions.”   
“Very well.” The judge looked down at his notes, “Ms. Alton, anything to add?”  
“I would like to add that Mr. Bergdorf III has willingly testified and will not be charged for anything admitted here today in court.”  
“That has been noted.” The judge affirmed.  
“I believe that so far, Pamela’s defense attorney has done an admirable job of trying to make her look like a helpless girl, someone who was thrust into her situation by her circumstances, but I really do not think that this is the case here, Judge Callahan. I think that this woman got power-hungry and her crimes escalated because it felt good for her to have that power. She is not helpless by any means, and I think that our next witness will prove to be a very interesting addition to this story. Obviously, we have not located Harleen Quinzel, but we do have the next best thing.” She glanced over at Selina, who stiffened in her seat.   
“Who would you like to call to the stand, then, Ms. Alton?”   
“I would like to call Selina Kyle.”


	11. Fuck You

Chapter 11: Fuck You

Do you, do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?

Cause there's a hole where your soul should be

You're losing control of it and it's really distasteful

Fuck you, fuck you very much

"Fuck You", Lily Allen

Everyone's eyes turned on Selina; this was big news that she was even here. I had been watching the news and they were covering this case like a madhouse. There had been speculation that Selina wouldn't show up considering her own criminal history, but here she was in the flesh, ready to make her statement. I knew Selina all too well, and I think she would have shown up for Pam regardless if we had gone to Wyoming or not. She still cared about Pam deeply and she didn't want to see anything happen to her if she could help it.

Selina stood up and haughtily stepped forward. She was, of course, dressed to perfection: a tight (but not too tight) black dress and pumps and her hair styled and coiffed. She had her usual cat-eye dark makeup on. She looked like she was ready to kill someone if given the chance. I never understood her confidence; I mean, I didn't really know anything about her past at all. And I didn't really need or want to know.

Selina swore in and sat down, immediately crossing one leg over the other in her trademark seductive way. I saw a few men lean forward to get a better look at her, and I rolled my eyes. Men were so easily swayed by tits and ass.

Gina leaned against the stand in a way-too-familiar kind of gesture, "Would you state your name for the court?"

"Selina Kyle." She said with a small, upturned mouth.

"You operate under the alias Catwoman in your nighttime ventures?"

"Yes, I do."

"And why would you choose that name for yourself, Miss Kyle?"

"Because I like cats." She shrugged, "There doesn't need to be a meaning behind everything."

"As Catwoman, you have executed many robberies from museums, jewelry stores, and department stores. Is that correct?"

"I may have done some of those things."

"Miss Kyle, answer the question, please."

"Ok, yes, I have done those things. So sue me if I like shiny objects. They're fun." She smiled winningly, "Diamonds are a girl's very best friend as the saying goes."

Oh she was putting on the charm today. Let's flash back to a time when I saw Selina Kyle in mismatched sweats throwing up into her toilet, yelling, 'why the hell did I have to get pregnant? Please kill me!' I like to relish those moments because they were so few and far between in my life, but I will remember them forever.

"When did you first become acquainted with the defendant, Miss Kyle?" Gina pressed on, obviously not falling for Selina's bullshit. It was the first time I actually liked that woman during this whole ordeal.

"Pamela and I met during one of our 'jobs', we'll call it, a couple years ago." Selina shifted in her chair, "We have some mutual friends."

"Mutual friends, meaning other criminals?"

"Yes, that's what I meant." Selina rolled her eyes, "I didn't think much of her when I met her – I mean, not that I didn't like her, but I was otherwise preoccupied by other relationships."

"Please elaborate on your other relationships."

"I was otherwise interested in Bruce Wayne." Selina clarified, and I felt my skin turn a bit hot, "We were having a little fun at the time and Pamela was not much on my radar."

"And how did you meet Bruce Wayne?" Gina asked.

I bit my lip. This was not going to go well considering Bruce's secret identity. I imagined she was going to lie.

"At a charity event." Selina said, "It was a fundraiser for the Museum of Modern Art and he attended alone; his girlfriend was busy or whatever."

"By girlfriend you mean Harleen Quinzel."

"Yes, they were dating at the time. We had an on and off thing for a while, even while they were engaged. Spare me the looks of judgment on this; I was just in it for fun, and he was all conflicted because he loved her. Not my problem."

I narrowed my eyes. It took every ounce of my strength not to jump out of my chair and strangle the life out of her. But I restrained myself.

"How long did your relationship with Bruce Wayne last?"

"On and off for around a year, initially. In the meantime, Pam and I saw more of each other. I never really had a relationship with a woman before, but I was open to it. I could tell Pam was very into me, so I let her take me out, and I started to have some feelings for her. I broke things off with Bruce because that was getting too complicated. He was going to marry Harley, so I didn't want to get involved in that when I had someone who actually cared about me and wanted a real relationship with me. But, as you can see," she said, nodding in Bruce's direction, "things got a little more complicated."

"Right." Gina affirmed, "You were pregnant with Bruce's child."

"Yes. We were careless, really, with our birth control methods. I didn't think I could ever get pregnant because I had a lot of female problems when I was younger. I don't want to get into it, but the chances of me ever having a baby were only like 10 percent, especially even lower because I'm approaching my early 30's. I was shocked when I got pregnant."

I didn't know that about Selina. It made a lot more sense now why she kept the baby. We actually were in the same boat ALMOST may I add to that comment; we didn't have any other chances of having children besides the one we did have, considering our relationship history and our line of work. An accident sort of turned into a blessing, in a way.

"How did this discovery affect your relationship with Pamela?"

"It actually affected it quite positively. Pam always wanted to be a mother, so she was thrilled at the possibility of raising the baby together. I wanted nothing to do with Bruce at the time so I was fine with that arrangement and I didn't want to go the single mother route. I thought it was perfect the way it was. She was happy to help in any way she could."

Gina nodded in acknowledgment, "So, you had the baby together, with Bruce being partially involved."

"Yes, that's correct. Pam and I moved to Wyoming shortly after Edward was born. Bruce wasn't happy about it, but that's what we wanted."

"Why did you choose to move to Wyoming?"

"Because it was safer, quieter. I didn't want Edward growing up in Gotham, especially so close to everything we had regretted in our past. Obviously, though, it didn't last very long." Selina purposely looked away from Selina at that point, "We lived there about 6 months before I started getting restless. I started calling Bruce again behind Pam's back, reminiscing about our relationship. He was broken up with Harley then; she had long since moved on and went away with the Joker. We talked about meeting up again. Suddenly we came to a decision to go to Italy together, a romantic jaunt or whatever to reconnect. I took Edward and I left. Not one of my finer moments, I have to add."

"So Pamela was very angry at you, I would imagine."

"Yes, she was at first. She accepted it though. She moved on, too. I think she was more upset about losing her opportunities to see Edward than anything else."

This was true. Pam did love Selina but she had loved being a mother even more than that. Selina was the only way that Pam could have had that experience, and Selina took advantage of that, which of course she wasn't going to say in front of a room full of people.

"How long were you in Italy with Mr. Wayne?"

"Not very long, less than a couple months. We fought the whole time, so I left. We thought maybe we could have worked it out, but it was never going to work at all. We were just too different as people and couldn't agree on anything as far as parenting, so I just left. It was kind of an unceremonious dumping on my part, but I had to go out with a bang as I always do. One of my weaknesses, I guess." She sighed heavily, "I wish things hadn't gone down that way but I couldn't stay with him."

"And where did you go after Italy?"

"To New York to see Pam. I stayed here for a weekend and she admitted she still had feelings for me, but I was in no place to be in a relationship with anyone and I told her that. She was in a very bad place when I saw her." Selina glanced at Pam, "I felt terrible. I knew it was all my fault, and I'm so sorry. I just wanted to be alone."

"Did you have any contact with Pamela after that incident?" Gina pressed on. Damn, that woman was all business. I could never be like that. I would have throttled Selina but again, that's just me.

"Yes, a few times we talked on the phone about legal stuff. We had to get our divorce papers finalized, mortgage, all of that boring crap. No offense. Anyway, she then told me that she was seeing someone, so I left her alone. Neither of us wanted the drama."

"Right. She was then engaging in a relationship with Barbara Gordon."

Selina went tense, "Yes."

"You seem upset about this." Gina observed.

"Yes, well, I think you can understand why I would be upset about you mentioning that woman's name to me." Selina said crossly.

"Have you met Miss Gordon?"

"No, I haven't met her in person unfortunately. I only heard about her on the phone from Pam. She said she was really into her and thought that things were going well. I guess she was wrong." Selina said curtly, "The next time I heard from her, she was calling me from prison, telling me that Barbara had snitched on her to the police and, well, here I am."

"Who convinced you to testify here today?"

"No one had to convince me. I would have done anything for Pam." Selina averted the topic expertly, "And I don't think I would have to answer that question anyway."

"Well, you must know that Barbara Gordon is here today." Gina said, gesturing to the far table. Everyone (including me) turned to look. Barbara must have slipped in after the case had started because I hadn't noticed her sitting there until now. I felt my fists ball up in my hands instinctively.

"I see that. Hey, Barbara, thanks for being a big old cunt. I'm so happy that you put my ex-wife in jail." Selina snapped.

The whole courtroom gasped, and the judge banged his gavel, "Watch your language, Miss Kyle, or I will put you in contempt of court."

"I don't care who knows what I think about her. She's a cold-hearted snake who hurt my friend and set her up." Selina leaned forward, "I hope she rots in hell. I hope that maggots feast on her flesh. She is the worst person on the planet."

"Miss Kyle!" Gina interrupted, "This is unnecessary."

"No, you don't get to tell me that I can't do this. She used Pam when she was the most vulnerable and took advantage of her and now she could go to jail for life because of her! And what's even worse is that Barbara wasn't the instigator of all this. She was only acting under orders for her boss. And you want to know who that is? He's sitting right there. His name is Bruce Wayne." She pointed her finger at him, "The father of my own child is the one who put my friend in prison and I will never forgive him for this!"

The judge banged his gavel even harder and Justin stood up hastily, holding Pam back with his arm, "Judge, I request a recess!"

"Granted."

Holy shit.

…

The rest of us burst out into the hallway and Justin pulled me to the side, "Well, that whole thing was fucked."

"You think?!" I snapped.

The photographers were following Bruce hardcore; he pushed them to the side, declining comment, and finally made it into the recess room with me and Justin.

"Jesus Christ!" he yelled, slamming the door behind him, "This is a fucking joke! You didn't tell her to say that, did you?" he demanded at Justin, sticking his finger in his chest, "Now I look like the bad guy!"

"Well I think that was Selina's intention." Justin said wryly.

Bruce wasn't having any of it, "You need to fix this! Selina's a loose cannon. We never should have brought her here! You need to go talk to her right now and figure out another strategy. I'm paying you up the ass for this case and you better make your money's worth, buddy!"

Justin snapped, "Hey, I'm not to blame here. Selina said that without consulting any of us. We have to do massive damage control now. I'm going to go find her and try to figure out what has gotten into her. There's no way they're going to let her back into the courtroom at this point. I'm lucky if they don't put her in jail overnight because of this. You two figure your shit out and I'll see you back in there."

He stalked out of the room and left me and Bruce standing there.

Bruce was panting heavily; he ran a hand through his hair. His face was red. He looked like he was ready to punch something.

He just stared at me, "You don't have anything to say?"

"I don't know what to say." I admitted, surprisingly calm, "I mean, it would make sense that you orchestrated this whole thing. Barbara did work for you and she is – was – whatever – dating Dick. Barbara isn't the brains of the operation, I could tell that. You told her what to do. You had her target Pam, threw her off my track because you still have feelings for me and you couldn't see me go to jail. That would be evidenced by your pulling all those strings for me to get a new identity."

Bruce was silent.

"And, really, I mean you wanted Pam out of the way." I talked through it, pacing a little where I stood, "You thought you could just put her in jail and everything would work out perfectly for you. You would have no one standing in the way of your happiness whether it was with Selina or with me. But it all backfired didn't it? Selina didn't want you back and she ditched you and now she's here supporting Pam, as I imagine you didn't anticipate. I'm here because obviously you weren't that stupid to think I was going to take this lying down, were you?"

He said nothing, which was infuriating.

"WERE YOU." I repeated, "You thought all of your problems would just go away? Oh, well now your problems are just fucking beginning, Bruce! This whole goddamn thing is over! OVER. I hate you. I hate that you have ruined my best friend. You let that little whore take advantage of Pam when she was down, you kicked her and beat her when she was already broken! How could you do this?! How DARE you do this? This is the only friend in the world that I have and I sacrificed my happiness for you, yet again like a fucking idiot! I should have let him blow up that building with you in it and everything would have been so much easier! I SAVED YOUR GODDAMN LIFE, BRUCE. And this is how you repay me? By putting my best friend in prison for life? Fuck you. FUCK YOU SO HARD." I broke down crying, huddled to the floor. I let it go; heavy, wrenching sobs, "How could you do this?"

I looked up through my tears after he didn't respond. He was merely staring down at me, no emotion registered on his face. I jumped up, throwing my fists at him futilely, "You can't even say anything to me?! YOU DOUCHEBAG."

He fought me off, "Hey, hey, stop it! This whole thing wasn't about you!"

"Then what the hell was it about, Bruce? Enlighten me!" I threw my hands up in the air.

"You know me, Harley. I'm a hero. I chose to be a vigilante." Bruce said, "I can't keep letting all of you get away with this shit! It's against everything I stood for when I started becoming Batman. I promised to protect and save this city and I let myself get soft. I fell for you, I fell for Selina, and that was my fault. I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the way of my goals. That was on me and you're just going to have to forgive me for letting Pam take the fall."

"So you just took out your stupid impotence frustrations on Pamela because she was the easiest target? Really? What a fucking disaster. I can't believe you! You really think I believe this whole 'I want to be a hero' thing? REALLY. No. You don't get to tell me that!" I was screaming so much my voice was starting to get hoarse, "You're so full of shit! You know what real heroes are like, Bruce? They don't make exceptions for the law. If you actually cared about this city, all of us would be in jail right now. Every single one of us. You wouldn't have slept with me or Selina just because we're pretty and you think you can change us. It didn't work in either case so good job with that."

He was seething but he didn't respond because I kept steamrolling on, "A real hero would have done all the good he could do for this city. You can't talk to me about fucking morality, Bruce, because oh gee you must be so moral, Mr. Big Shot. I'm sure when you look up 'morality' in the dictionary there's some big fucking picture of Bruce Wayne right there! Morality isn't deciding who to punish and who to sleep with. God, you're an asshole."

Still nothing from him.

"You have nothing to say to me right now?" I spat at him, "You're just going to stand there, staring at me like a lunatic? I don't know why I trusted you again, Bruce. I go temporarily blind when it comes to you. I left a life of secured happiness because I still felt something for you. I threw away years of love, a relationship with my child just because I couldn't bear to see you die. Right now I really think I should have just let you fucking burn. I would have been better off. I should have just let the Joker do what he was going to do and saved myself the trouble. It wasn't worth this pain."

I thought he was going to punch me right in the face, because his fists were shaking so hard. After a moment, he just punched the wall next to my head, putting a huge hole through it. He pulled back, breathing heavily.

I pushed past him, saying more quietly, "This is so over."

"I know." He said, not looking at me.

I went out into the hallway, taking a deep breath, struggling to not burst into tears. I walked away, trying to keep the tears from my eyes. I had to be strong right now for Pam. The worst part was yet to come.


	12. I Won't Go Down

Chapter 12: I Won’t Go Down

Pain in my heart for your dying wish  
I’ll kiss your lips again.  
Life is but a dream for the dead  
And well I, I won’t go down by myself  
But I’ll go down with my friends.   
\- “You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison,” My Chemical Romance

The judge had managed to calm everyone down and try to get the case back on track. I saw Selina conspicuously absent from the room. I didn’t know if they had told her to leave but I didn’t care.  
Justin was still there, standing next to Pam, talking quietly to her. Bruce sat in the front row, icing his hand subtly underneath his suit jacket. Fucker. I was such a fool, trusting him. I always had such a weak spot when he was involved. I should have known he was behind all of this. It was so obvious and I had just looked the other way because I didn’t want to believe it. I fumed silently in the back row, pulling my hat further down over my head so that people wouldn’t see my face, red and slightly puffy from crying.   
The judge came back into the courtroom and everyone stood up in recognition.  
“You may be seated.” The bailiff said and there was some scuffling as everyone sat down.  
The judge cleared his throat, “Well, Miss Kyle has been taken to an interrogation room to finish her questioning at a later date. She was clearly not prepared to answer these questions in court and we will perhaps hear more from her when she has calmed down.”   
He addressed Justin, “Since you did not get to question Miss Kyle, you may call the next witness to the stand.”   
“Thank you.” Justin put his hand on Pam’s shoulder for a moment before he said, “I call Barbara Gordon to the stand.”   
Barbara, smartly dressed in a heather gray tweed blazer and matching gray pants, approached the stand and swore in. She settled into her seat and Justin sauntered over to her.   
“Would you state your name for the court?”  
“Barbara Gordon.”   
“What is your occupation, Miss Gordon?”  
“I am a currently a PhD candidate at Columbia University. I also work part-time for my father, Commissioner James Gordon, at the Gotham Police Department.”   
“Impressive. As we all have found out, your relationship with Pamela Isley was orchestrated by Bruce Wayne and his intern, Dick Grayson. How did you yourself become acquainted with Pamela, Miss Gordon?” Justin almost sneered at the comment but I could tell that he held back.   
“I met her at a local bar in Manhattan, Chasers. I struck up a conversation with her when she went up to get a drink.”   
“Were you told prior to your meeting that Pamela would be there that evening as a part of your plan with Bruce Wayne?” Justin asked.  
“Yes. We had been tracking her movements for a couple of weeks. She had been frequenting that bar, sleeping with different people every night.” Barbara shrugged, “We figured that it was going to be easy to get her to fall for me.”   
I flexed my fists instinctively. What a cold-hearted bitch.   
“How long were you acquainted with Pamela before she informed you that she was Poison Ivy?”  
“Just about 2 and a half, 3 months. Not very long, really. As I said, she seemed pretty vulnerable.” Barbara said, “I mean, she slept with me the first night we met.”   
“Right, we have established that.” Justin said shortly, “Please get to the point.”  
“We went to a party at Bruce’s house. My boyfriend, Dick Grayson, was there. He was not happy about my ‘undercover’ work that I was doing but I had been ignoring his complaints up until that point. Things came to a head at the party; when he saw me with Pam, he just about lost it. He didn’t want to see me with her. I got drunk. I almost screwed up the whole night by acting like an idiot. Pam, in some misguided effort to make me feel better, told me her secret and told me that she loved me. Obviously unbeknownst to her, I was recording every conversation we had. After I got home I sent it to the Gotham police and they arrested her.”   
“I see. Well, at any point in the relationship, did you ever have real feelings for Pamela?”  
“I’m sorry, I don’t really understand the question.” She said evasively.  
“I think you do, Miss Gordon. Did you ever have a romantic interest in Pamela Isley?”   
She hesitated. She took a deep breath and replied, “If I am going to be really honest, yes, I did have a very minor romantic attachment to her. It was hard not to. I spent a lot of time with her, and in intimate situations. It was difficult to turn her in, but I had to do it. I definitely considered giving up the mission and just ending things, but it had already gone too far. Everything was fucked by then – oh sorry about my language. I had to turn her in. I did feel bad. She was a better person than I thought she was. She was a victim of circumstance, you know? When she told me about everything, I realized that she didn’t have much choice but to be this person.” Her voice shook a little, “I am not sorry that she’s here today, because she is a criminal, but I think that people should take her past into account before condemning everything that she’s done.” 

“Thank you, Miss Gordon. I appreciate your testimony.” Justin said, trying to hide his smile. That had turned out better than expected. Of course, we had been hoping that Selina would have proved a better witness but she was just too close to the situation. We should have seen that coming. Selina didn’t know how to be objective about Pamela. It was the same reason I couldn’t be a witness, other than the fact that I have a completely different identity now and I wasn’t exactly being offered immunity for my actions. I fucked that up a long time ago. I couldn’t implicate Bruce in that as well because he went out on a limb for me. As much as I was angry at him right now, he did do that for me. Consider us even.  
I caught Pam looking around the courtroom, her eyes a bit glassy. She had been crying. She caught my eye, and I smiled a small smile at her, and she returned it. Maybe she had a little hope now that the testimonies had gone considerably more favorable in her direction. Justin squeezed her shoulder in a gesture of compassion as he sat down, and she didn’t change expression. I know she was still obviously concerned about the outcome of all this.   
“Your witness, Ms. Alton.” The judge said.  
“I call Bruce Wayne to the stand.” Gina said loudly. I looked away from Pam, and focused on Bruce who was slowly standing up. He handed Edward to Angela, smoothing his suit jacket which had been rumpled from sitting with the baby.   
“Would you state your name for the court please?” Gina asked as Bruce got settled.  
“Bruce Wayne.”   
“And your relationship to the defendant?”   
“Former friend, if you can call it that.” He said wryly.  
“Elaborate.”  
“Well, she was married to my ex-girlfriend and mother of my child. I couldn’t call us best friends.”   
“Understood. As we now have mentioned, you were instrumental in the arrest of Pamela Isley. Explain your motivation for doing this.”  
“My motivation?” he scoffed, “I think it should be obvious. She’s a criminal, Ms. Alton. She is a menace to society. She has done nothing but screw up everything with my relationships.”  
“How did she-”  
He cut her off, “Well, first of all, she was best friends with Harleen Quinzel, alias Harley Quinn, also previously known as my ex-fiancé. She harbored her at her apartment for a few months while we were dating and claimed she was protecting her from the Joker. She was not. Pam was in cahoots with him the whole time; the Joker even stole Harley’s – expensive, may I add – engagement ring that I gave her and threatened her. I didn’t handle of this very well, I have to admit.”  
Understatement of the century, fucktard.  
He continued, “Pam and Harley had a complicated relationship.”  
Another understatement.  
“Pam was in love with Harley, and Harley did not return her feelings. She went back to me eventually and we got engaged. We were going to get married. I thought everything was fine but secretly, Pam was against the whole thing. Selina told me that Pam was upset about Harley going back to me; she was always rooting for the Joker to come out victorious.”  
“Yes, but let me interrupt you and say that you were having an affair with Selina Kyle during your relationship and engagement, correct?”  
“Yes, I was. I ended it when we got engaged again. It was very complicated.” Bruce said irritably.  
“Yes, but Selina was pregnant at the time of your supposed wedding to Harleen Quinzel, if my calculations are correct.”  
Bruce was silent.  
“Did you know about the pregnancy, Mr. Wayne?”  
“Not at the time of the wedding, no. I found out afterward when Harley had already left me for the Joker…at the altar, I should like to remind people in the court.”  
He meant me. Thanks for the jab because I was still so concerned about what he thought of me. God, I was going to kill him after all this was over.   
“Yes, so you were emotionally compromised, I imagine.” Gina said, “You were angry at all of them. Did you think Miss Isley had a part to play in Miss Quinzel leaving you at the altar?”  
“Of course she did. She was whispering in Harley’s ear to not stay with me and she planted the seeds of doubt in her head. She wouldn’t have thought so much about it if she hadn’t been hanging out with Pam every second she was away from me. Plus, Selina wasn’t helping. She was too in love with me to let Harley marry me. I told her that I was going to marry her no matter what. I loved Harley too much to let her go again.”   
Blargh. Not this crap again.  
“I see. Well, Mr. Wayne, have you been in contact with Miss Quinzel since the incident?”   
“Yes, on and off. I saw her when she was abroad with the Joker but not much contact since then.” He said, maintaining eye contact with Gina as not to show that he was lying. He owed me that much and I was relieved that he didn’t rat me out.  
“So, your motive in assisting in the arrest of Miss Isley was that she supposedly was a: a criminal and b: that she had negatively affected your relationships with your ex-girlfriend and ex-fiancé.” Gina said, looking weary, “Is that a good summation?”  
“Yes, I would say so.”  
“And how did she particularly negatively affect your relationship with Selina Kyle, besides that they were previously married?”   
“Their relationship, at best, was complicated. Pamela was in love with her and Selina did care about her but I don’t think she ever truly loved her.”  
Lies.  
“Pam and Selina…their relationship was a farce, an act. Selina did it to get back at me for not wanting to be with her. Although when she got pregnant, I wanted to be the father. I wanted to be there for her but she wouldn’t let me. She thought that Pam would just take on a parental role and they wouldn’t need me. After Harley left, I was deeply depressed. Selina was my one salvation and Pam took her away from me. When Selina came back to me after leaving Pam, she was contrite. She wanted to make our relationship work. We went to Italy, and it was romantic for a grand total of like four days, and then we were constantly fighting. We realized we weren’t meant for each other, and she walked out and went back to see Pam in New York. This is the first time I’ve seen her in months. I didn’t even know where she was living.” He shrugged, “I guess I’m alright because I am able to be with my son full-time, I’m back at work, doing what I’m happy doing.”  
“Right. So when did you decide to concoct this plan to arrest Pamela?”  
“A few months ago. Basically around the time that Selina went back to New York. That was the last straw for me. I knew if I got enough evidence on her, it would be easy to arrest her. As Barbara said, she was pretty vulnerable from everything that had happened and she was bound to let her guard down, to make a mistake.” He sighed, “I know that sounds so horrible. It’s heartless now that I think about it, really. But, she was still doing wrong and had to be punished for it. Some of us owe it to the city to make sure that people like her are not causing trouble.”  
“I agree with you on the moral standpoint, Mr. Wayne, but also may I point out that you looked the other way when it came to Miss Kyle and Miss Quinzel? Both of them are known criminals.”  
“Let me point something out to you before you continue.” He interjected, and Gina looked taken aback, “Harley was not initially a bad person. She was coerced by the Joker into doing bad things. That was slightly before and even at the beginning of when we were dating. The Joker killed her entire family, and she wanted to get back at him. I was there for her. Yes, she did some questionable things, but never anything truly criminal until after we had ended things.”  
He was good at bullshitting, I’ll give him that.   
“And Miss Kyle?”  
“Yes, I knew Miss Kyle was a criminal after the fact. I didn’t know that when I met her.”   
“How did you meet Miss Kyle?”  
“At a charity event, like she said. I was already dating Harley at the time. Selina was persistent in her relationship with me.”   
“How did you encounter Miss Quinzel, then?”  
“We’ve known each other since we were children. Harley’s father, the late Dr. Quinzel, and my late father were friends, colleagues at the hospital. We used to go to each other’s houses as children and I didn’t see her for a while when I went to boarding school and college. The last time I had seen her was at a party before I went to Asia. We were both a little drunk and we had kissed but I was leaving the next day. I hadn’t seen her since, until I saw that she had been implicated in all of that business with the Joker. I reached out to her and we started dating.”   
“And you haven’t had any contact all with her since your breakup?”  
“Barely any. We talked on the phone a couple times when she called from an unlisted number, but that was it.”   
“Do you think that she would come here to testify for her friend? They supposedly had a close relationship.” Gina said.  
Bruce did his best not to look at me when he said, “No, she wouldn’t. She’s in hiding. As much as she cares about her friendship with Pam, she wouldn’t risk her freedom.”   
“Alright, that will be all, Mr. Wayne.” Gina waited for Bruce to sit down, then addressed the court, “As you can see, this verdict should be obvious. Miss Pamela Isley is a criminal, plain and simple. We have witnesses who can corroborate that she has done these things, and has done a lot of them with malice as the intention. I strongly urge you to commit her to a federal prison to serve out her long sentence.”  
Judge Callahan nodded, and looked at Justin, “Your closing statements, please, Mr. Gerard.”  
Justin addressed the court, taking a deep breath, “Yes, my client is not an innocent woman. I will admit that. I believe, though, that she is a good person who definitely was led astray by a few terrible people along the way. Many of the things that Miss Isley has done were not out of malice, like Miss Alton claims, but out of necessity and survival. She had to do this to make it in the world. I want to say that my client is not meant for federal prison. I move to put her in Arkham Asylum to undergo psychiatric evaluation because she has clearly committed her crimes under psychological duress. I want to suggest to the jury that my client does not deserve that harsh of a treatment. Thank you.”   
The judge said, “Jury, you may adjourn to discuss the case. The foreman must notify the bailiff when a decision has been made.”   
The 12 people filed out to make the most important decision of Pamela’s life, and we were left to wait it out. I followed Justin and Pam out into a recess room. Bruce didn’t come with us for obvious reasons. It was the first time I had even been in the same room with her for like a week. She looked a little better than when I had seen her last; she had some color to her cheeks and she didn’t look quite as weary, but she was still beyond anxious. She was just in a state of complete submission, which scared me.   
Justin closed the door, “Ok, well, that went a bit better than expected. I think we definitely have a chance of reducing the sentence.”  
“Yeah, except for Selina’s little outburst.” I agreed, “Where is she, anyway?”  
“I told her to go take a breather. She was obviously upset and I didn’t want her sitting by Bruce or hearing his testimony. Or Barbara’s. I think she would have broken down. I didn’t exactly expect her to go off like that. She seemed like a calm person.”   
Pam scoffed, “You don’t know her very well then. She’s pretty explosive. You never know what you’re going to get with her.”  
“Why didn’t you inform me of that?” Justin retorted.  
“Because I thought bringing her into this was a terrible idea in the first place. I knew something was going to go wrong. She can’t be in the same room with Bruce without something getting fucked one way or the other.” She said bitterly, “He brings that out in people.”  
“I think that as your lawyer, again, this should have been something that was brought to my attention so I wasn’t completely thrown off guard in the courtroom. Not the best idea.” He said, sitting down. He leaned back slightly in the chair, “I just hope they come to a decision sooner rather than later.”  
“How long could this take?” I asked.  
“I don’t know, honestly. This is a complex case. If they don’t make a decision within the next couple of hours, then we have to just go home and then come back here again tomorrow, and so on and so forth. I don’t think it will take more than two days, but it really depends on who’s fighting for what in that deliberation.” He said.   
Pam sighed, “I don’t know what’s worse, waiting for the answer or listening to everyone talk shit about me.”   
I grabbed her hand, “I think it’s going to be ok. The best case scenario is that you’ll be in Arkham for a little while. At least it’s not federal prison. You’ll have a room and you’ll get meals, and you’ll have freedom. Yes, you’ll have to talk to therapists every few days but it could be a lot worse.”   
“Yes, well, the fact is the best case scenario would be that I’d get the fuck out of here. I’m not going to federal prison. I’ll kill myself first.” She said fiercely.  
“Don’t talk like that.” Justin interjected, “Pam, you can’t deny that you’ve done these things and you can’t deny that you trusted the wrong people. You knew that Barbara was the daughter of the police commissioner and you trusted her anyway. That was not a smart move. I know it’s in the past, but you still have to own up to your mistakes.”  
“I’m fully aware of what I’ve done.” Pam snapped, “I just listened to people tell me how horrible I am for the last two days. I’ve sat alone in a jail cell with no one to talk to, rotting away and dreaming of the day I could at least go outside without handcuffs. That day hasn’t happened yet. But it will. I have to keep hoping that something will work out for me. It’s what’s gotten me through these past few years. Do you know how many disappointments I’ve had? How many fucked up situations I’ve been in that I didn’t think I could get out of? This is just another one. And I will get out of it. No one is going to tell me otherwise.”   
That was the Pam I knew. She hadn’t lost her fight yet.   
“That’s right.” I said, “You’re not going to lose this case. We’re going to help you no matter what.”  
She squeezed my hand, but said nothing.   
We waited for a good three hours; it was nearing like 6 o’clock before we had even heard anything. Finally, the judge called us back into the courtroom.   
Everyone filed back in and took their seats.  
The judge said to the foreman, “Have you reached a verdict?”  
“We have, your Honor.”


	13. Haunted

Chapter 13: Haunted 

You left me at the altar  
My heart in your hand  
I am tired and broken  
Haunted by memories of  
The life you’ve stolen   
\- “My Darkest Hour”, Scary Kids Scaring Kids 

We all waited there in anticipation. I wanted so badly to hold Pam’s hand, to assure her that everything was going to work out. I just had to hope that Justin was going to be there for her in place of me. I stared at the foreman.   
He finally said, “The defendant we declare guilty by reasons of insanity. We think that the defendant should be moved to Arkham Asylum effective immediately to undergo psychiatric treatment and incarceration determined from there.”  
I saw Justin’s and Pam’s shoulders slump from relief and I felt myself exhale heavily. Not the best news obviously, but the news we had been hoping for. The courtroom erupted in loud whispering and Gina paled slightly, clearly surprised by the loss. Justin turned around and shook Mike and Angela’s hands. Bruce just stood there stiffly, holding Edward and ignored Justin’s hand shaking. I could tell he didn’t want to show any emotion considering his testimony earlier.   
I blended in with the crowd as they all walked out of the courtroom. The paparazzi followed Justin and Pam, shouting questions at them, “Mr. Gerard, can you explain your win for your client today? Miss Isley, how are you feeling?”  
Justin turned around to address them, “I will hold a small press conference later. At this time, I have to take care of my client. She has had a long, trying day and she needs some rest. I will be in touch.”   
He put his hand on her back and basically had to shove her into a side room to be alone. I waited for the crowd to dissipate a little and then snuck back inside. They both looked up as I came in and Justin smiled slightly, “We did it, huh?”  
“Yes, we did.” I said, and looked at Pam. She was still a bit pale, but she looked no worse for the wear. I moved forward and pulled her into a huge embrace. She hugged me back, and I felt her chest heave a little as she began to cry.   
“You’re going to be ok, Pam.” I said, starting to cry, too. I felt bad for Justin because he probably felt really awkward but I didn’t actually care that much. I was so happy for my friend but it was a mixed emotion. She still had to endure being in Arkham for a while before I could set her free, but at least she wasn’t going to lady jail for like 30 years.   
“I know, I know. It’s just hard to believe.” She said, wiping her eyes, “Things are finally going to get better.”  
The door opened again, and the Isley’s stood there. Angela had clearly been crying too; her eyeliner was a bit smudged and her cheeks were red. Mike was still resilient as always, the silent fighter. He closed the door behind them.  
Angela came to hug both of us, “I’m so glad. I know that’s a bit strange to say considering, but this is the best news we could have hoped for. Pamela, dear, are you alright? That must have been so difficult for you.”  
“Yeah, it was.” Pam admitted, “But I’m just happy it’s over. I don’t know how I should feel but for now, I’m happy.” She turned to Justin, “You saved my life. I don’t even know how to thank you.”  
“Your words are enough.” He smiled crookedly, “Plus your parents’ money.”  
We all had to laugh at that. It felt weird to laugh and we all knew it. It didn’t seem like a situation in which we should be laughing, but we had to. We had to release the stress somehow.   
“And Bruce’s help.” Pam pointed out.  
“Fuck him.” I snapped, and everyone stared at me in confusion.  
“We had a fight.” I elaborated.  
“Ah.” Angela said simply, “I told you that was going to end badly.”  
“Yeah, I knew it too but I didn’t want to listen.” I sighed, “I mean, he’s basically at fault for Pam being here.”   
“Yes, but he did find the lawyer and help pay for it, not to mention helping you out.” Angela raised an eyebrow, “You do owe him for that.”  
“We consider ourselves even.” I said curtly, “Can I have a moment alone with Pam, please?”  
“Sure.” Justin said, and ushered the Isley’s out.  
When they had left, Pam looked at me expectantly, “What’s so important that everyone had to be unceremoniously disposed?”  
“First, I just want to say that I’m so freaking happy that this turned out the way it did. I thought I was going to lose you.” Pam smiled at that, and I continued, “But you know you’re going to have to stay in Arkham for a couple weeks before I can help you out.”  
Her smile faltered, “Right. I do know that.”  
“I just hope you weren’t expecting me to save you in like two days, because they’re going to be on high alert when you first get there.”  
“Again, something I already know.” She said, folding her arms across her chest, “What are you getting at?”  
“I’m just saying that you can’t get pissed at me and think I’m abandoning you or anything. This has to be perfectly calculated before I can do it. Also, tell your parents to request Dr. Williams for your psychiatric evaluation. He’s fair and objective. He’ll be nice to you, nicer than some of the other therapists there. I would know. Don’t sleep with anyone, no matter how mentally stable they seem. They’re all fucked up.” I knew I was rambling but I had to get this out because I didn’t want Justin or her parents to know, “Arkham is not a fabulous place for patients. You will be alone for hours sometimes. The food is pretty ok for the most part. The security guards are super nice – at least to the therapists anyway – but they’ll do things for you if you ask politely.”  
“Why are you telling me all this? You seem nervous.” Pam grabbed my shoulders, “What’s wrong?”  
“I have to take a little leave of absence.” I said.  
She released me, “Are you going back to your sister’s?”  
“For a few days, probably, yeah. But I have to go somewhere else too and you’re not going to like it.”   
“Are you going to see him? You should. It’s been months, Harley, and you won’t even talk to him.”  
“I’m not going to see him. That’s not happening. Besides, I think he may already be here. That’s why I need to go somewhere else. He’s following me.” I said. I knew I sounded paranoid but it was the truth. I knew him better than anyone, and when he hadn’t answered in Italy, there was only one place he could be and that was in New York. I couldn’t put everyone else at risk by being here.   
“What do you mean? Have you seen him?”   
“No, but I just have a gut feeling. I tried to call him from my sister’s house when I went there last time, and he didn’t answer. He always answers.”  
“Are you sure that he wasn’t just ignoring you? He’s obviously pissed at you.”   
“No, I know him. He’s here somewhere. He may be in this fucking courthouse right now. I just know that he’s planning something. I thwarted his attempts to blow up Wayne Enterprises and now he wants payback.” I exhaled shakily, “I’m going somewhere else first but I can’t tell you.”  
“You tell me everything.” She said plaintively.   
“Yes, well, I can’t tell you this. I’m leaving tomorrow, just for a week or two. Angela and Mike know what they need to do. They’ll visit you every day and they’ll make sure the doctors take care of you there. I just can’t be here right now.”   
“Ok.” She said, biting her lip, “Just promise me you’ll come back.”  
“I’m your best friend. I’ll come back.” I embraced her, “Will you remember everything I said?”  
“Yes.”   
I believed her.  
“I’m going to let your parents back in now. I imagine they’re going to send security soon to escort you.” I went to the door.  
“Harley. Stay safe.” She said softly.  
“I will.”  
…  
I left without much ado to Bruce or Selina, who had since been brought back to the manor from the court house after a lot of questioning. Crazy bitch. Bruce hadn’t really spoken to me since we had made that scene and I didn’t want him to. The only thing I told him was that I was borrowing his Mercedes (his only non-descript car, if you could call it that) and he just nodded his head. He didn’t ask me why. I think he just wanted me out of his face for a while, and he was going to receive that in earnest. I didn’t really tell Angela or Mike either where I was going; I just told them I had some things to do and then I was going to my sister’s. They didn’t ask me a lot of questions either. Thanks for the concern, guys.   
I hit the road with the top down, trying to blast music to drown out my thoughts. I drove about two and a half hours and got off the exit to a familiar place, yet at this point seemingly unfamiliar. I hadn’t made this drive in years, since that night that everything I knew had burned down. I saw the exit sign, “Apple Meadows” and swallowed the lump in my throat. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I kept driving, turning off the exit into the town.   
Nothing had changed. The shops were the same, the people were the same. Wandering aimlessly, chatting about their mundane lives. They had probably forgotten about me, about what had happened. Maybe. I couldn’t imagine what a scene we had caused. I hadn’t thought about that day in so long. Sometimes I worried that I didn’t think about it often enough. Lately I had just been missing that blissful life I had had for at least for a short while, when I had a nice man love me and take care of me. I knew that that would never happen again. I passed the doctor’s office, now closed and boarded up. I slowed down, stared at it for a few minutes. I remembered that day when I met John, when I thought things were finally going my way. What a fucking joke.   
I kept driving. I passed the little house I had once bought, now all new with paint, clearly owned by someone else with small children because there was a playhouse in the front yard and a tire swing on the tree. The fence was freshly painted and the windows were wide open, shutters swaying a little in the breeze. It looked like I had never been there. Somehow this hurt the most. Someone else had taken my perfect little life and built it over my ashes. I fought back tears and kept driving.   
I pulled up to the church – now somewhat rebuilt but still with a little damage – and the cemetery that was adjacent to it. I parked and got out of the car. I walked up to the church, peered inside. No one was there. It was like a Tuesday afternoon, I shouldn’t have expected anyone to be there. The silence was deafening. I looked at the aisle, the place I walked toward John when I had seen him standing there, smiling at me. I never had gotten to say anything to him that day. I never had gotten to say that I loved him before he died in my arms. I walked away before I started sobbing like a little bitch in the doorway. I almost regretted coming here for a second, thinking I couldn’t handle this.   
I wandered around the cemetery for a while, staring at all the names, some faces that I recognized, that had died because of me. I finally found a grave that read “John Carmichael, loved and missed” and his birth and death years. God, three and a half, almost four years ago. It didn’t feel that long, yet it felt even longer at the same time.   
I knelt down next to the grave, brushed some of the dirt off of it. No one had left anything there for a long time, I could tell. Didn’t he have a family? I thought he did. I couldn’t really remember anymore. That was sad. I stared at the name and waited for it to have some meaning, for the tears to come, for me to feel something. I didn’t right away, and that made me cry. I then started to cry for real, to sob for everything I had lost. I had almost lost my best friend yesterday and I had basically abandoned my child; that hurt more than losing my fiancé and even a few months ago, I thought nothing would hurt more than that day in my recent memory. I stayed there for a while, just sobbing to myself, hoping no one would walk by and see me being a total mess. I finally quieted down and then I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. I saw a shadow behind me.   
I stood up. I knew who it had to be. I turned around and saw him there.   
I brushed the dirt and grass off my pants, “I knew you’d follow me here.”  
“Yeah, Princess, you’re pretty predictable.”   
He was dressed in a long coat, jeans, boots, for the fall weather, late September. He had cut his hair a little, no longer that unkempt blonde mop he had before. His scars were still prevalent, but his face was wiped clean of makeup. His civilian disguise as always. He looked almost normal, and that was the most frightening part of all.   
“I take it you have a gun in your pocket.” I said, glancing in the aforementioned direction.  
“I do.”  
“With a few bullets in it.”  
“I do.”  
“And I imagine one of those is meant for me.”  
“It might be.”  
“You’re rather predictable yourself.” I scoffed.   
“I have to say though,” he said, “I didn’t think you’d come back here. That surprised me, actually, and so soon after Pam’s sort of acquittal.”  
“You heard?”  
“Yes, I heard. I was there.”   
“In the courtroom?”  
“No, I was waiting in the hallway, blending in with the paparazzi. I saw you go in to talk to her and that sleazy lawyer.”  
“He’s not sleazy.” I said defensively.   
“Oh, think he’s cute, do you?”   
“Seriously, you’re going to do this to me right now?” I threw my hands up in the air, “This is so fucking typical us!”  
“I’m just kidding, good Lord. Get a grip.” He rolled his eyes, “We always have such a penchant for the melodramatic, don’t we?”  
“We-” I pointed between him and me, “We don’t do anything. We aren’t anything.”   
“Ouch.” He feigned a punch in the gut, “Hurts so bad. I wish things you said to me still hurt, because then I’d feel like I was actually alive.”   
I ignored that jab at my cold-hearted bitchness, “How’d you know I would come here?”  
“I have eyes everywhere, Harley. I told you that many times and somehow you still don’t listen.” He stepped forward and I flinched as he came closer to me, “Oh, calm down.”  
He glanced down at John’s grave, yawning audibly, “This guy again. Always fucking things up for me.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”   
“Hmm?” he said, looking up.  
“Do not pretend you didn’t hear me.” I almost shook my neck at him with all the sass I was giving.   
“Oh, right, you still think John was some saint. Right, right,” he nodded. He lifted his leg and stomped down hard on the gravestone, “Dickhead.”   
“Hey!” I cried, leaning forward. He put his hand on my chest to halt my advances.  
“Don’t stop me. You didn’t know anything about that man.”  
“I was going to marry him!” I fought back, punching him futilely as I wasn’t exactly a strong lady, “I loved him!”  
“You loved an actor!” he shoved me backward.   
That gave me pause. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I asked, “What?”  
It sounded hollow in my throat.  
“Yes, well, obviously it’s time to come clean about this whole goddamn thing. I thought we were over this. God, fucking 4 years ago and it still comes back to haunt us.” He kicked some dirt with the heel of his shoe, “First of all, his name wasn’t John Carmichael, and he wasn’t a doctor. He was an actor in New York named Marcus Bixby.”   
“Liar.” I snapped.  
“No, listen to me. He wasn’t even a good actor, and that’s the hilarious part. He was doing off-off-Broadway musicals in the Bronx. Shows above fucking liquor stores that cost 2 dollars a ticket and that wasn’t even worth the price. I needed someone expendable, someone who didn’t work for me before. I found the ad stapled to a lamppost outside the warehouse and checked it out. He was the perfect stooge. Not very smart, but not a complete idiot. He was good-looking and fit the bill. I paid him to move here, set up this phony baloney doctor’s office to lure you in. Obviously, it worked.”  
“Nope.” I said.  
That took him aback, “Nope?”  
“Nope. This is grade-A bullshit. Lies. You cannot sit here and lie to my face like this.” I folded my arms across my chest, “So…NOPE.”  
“Honey, you are still far in denial it’s painful. Do you have your phone with you?”   
“Yes.”   
“Google Marcus Bixby.”  
“I will not.” I said shortly.  
“Do it.”   
“I will not.”  
“Stop being a stubborn bitch.” He pulled it out of my coat pocket and hit the Google search app on my iPhone, “Search that name.”  
I snatched it from his hand and shakily typed the name into the search bar. What came up was consistent with what he said. Stuff about him graduating from Columbia, performing in an off-Broadway production of Fiddler on the Roof. I clicked images. I almost dropped my phone. It was John. With a little lighter-colored hair and tanner skin, but it was him.   
I looked up at the Joker, who was doing his best ‘I told you so’ grin, “Your face tells me all I need to know.”   
I closed the app and stared down at the ground for a minute, trying to process this. John wasn’t real. This person I was going to marry wasn’t real. The only person I thought could ever love me was a complete joke. Just like everything else in this stupid fucking life I led.   
“Ok,” I said, putting my phone back in my pocket, “Well, um…this is a bit unsettling.”  
“I thought you’d be angrier, I must admit.”  
“Oh, I am angry. On the inside I’m basically imploding. I’d rather you just put that bullet in my brain right now and save me the trouble, but I have to ask you something about John – er, whatever, Marcus.”   
“Go for it.”   
“Did he actually love me?” I know it was a dumb question. I know it was a desperate question. But I had to know.  
He was silent for a moment before he answered, “Yes.”  
“I’m really sorry, I’m just failing to understand this whole situation. I mean, it all actually kind of makes sense now, why you did what you did. How did this happen? How did he come to know about me?”  
“Like I said, I hired him and he moved here.”  
“Why, though? What was your game?” I snapped, “Just to creep on me?”  
“Initially, yes. Ever since you came with me the first time, I’ve had tabs on you. I know where you’ve been for every minute of every hour for the past few years.”  
I shuddered involuntarily.  
“Calm down.” He said irritably, “Marcus’s task was to keep an eye on you, maybe befriend you a little so you didn’t feel so alone. The doctor’s office was a perfect set-up for you. I wanted you to at least be happy if you had to be away from me.”   
“Gee, thanks.” Note my sarcasm.  
He ignored because our relationship is so very healthy, “Anyway, he would call me once a week to report back on what you were doing. He said you were settling in nicely, making connections. I was good with that. What he failed to tell me was that he had started dating you.”   
“Ah. I’m starting to see the issue. But here’s the thing – I don’t understand why you didn’t think this was going to completely blow up in your face. He was a handsome guy, seemed normal, a doctor. You didn’t think I was going to fall for him? What was your intention in sending him here, really? To butter me up so that you would like the good guy again?”   
“…yes, if I’m going to be honest. I should have known it was going to be fucked. I was too involved in my criminal life to care. What mattered was that you were alive and you were safe, at least for a little while. Then, Marcus stopped calling and texting as much. I tried to call him multiple times, sometimes with death threats attached. Nothing. I knew something was up. I sent one of my other guys to spy for a couple days and obviously my fears had been realized. He told me that you were living together and you were all kinds of happy. I was not thrilled, as you can imagine.”  
“I’m surprised you didn’t kill him right then and there.”   
“I almost did.” He admitted, “I came here, went to your house when you weren’t home and I confronted him. I told him he had to stop or it was going to be over for him. He told me that he understood and he was going to break up with you. He was a fucking coward if there ever was one. Almost peed his pants when I pulled out my revolver.” He exhaled deeply, “And clearly he didn’t break up with you. He lied to me for a few weeks and then he started getting shady again. I investigated again and they saw you with an engagement ring. I was furious. I called him, trying to give him a chance to explain before I blew his brains out, and he told me that he loved you and I could go fuck myself.”  
“Uh oh.” I said. Things were starting to click in my head. Sometimes when John would tell me things, he would correct himself. Details about his life were always jumbled. He had been lying.   
“You’re damn right ‘uh oh’. He hung up on me before I got the chance to tell him the feeling was mutual.” His lips tightened into a grimace at the memory, “I knew then I had no choice but to come here and stop it from happening. There was no other way.”   
“And that’s why you came to see me. You tried to convince me to go with you so that you wouldn’t have to kill him.” I said, feeling a wave of nausea wash over me. I could have saved him.   
“Yes, that was basically my intention. I thought if maybe you went with me, I could spare him. But I realized too that I had made up my mind to kill him. He would have challenged me regardless and he had fucked up so royally that it was beyond help.”  
“Yes, but why our wedding day? Really? You couldn’t have at least done it the day before when our whole family had gathered?”   
“Harley, you and I know that we both have the penchant for the dramatic.” He said matter-of-factly, “I don’t do anything half-assed. I make sure everything goes down in a blaze of traumatizing glory. It’s my way.”   
“That is unavoidably true.” We were both silent for a long moment.   
“I’m sorry.” I finally said, “I’m just trying to take this all in.”  
“Yeah I would imagine it’s a lot to process.”   
“Thanks.” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm, “It all makes sense now. John would always mess up details about his life when he talked to me. I just thought maybe he was kind of scatterbrained but now I know it was because he had trouble holding up his lies. I…God, I don’t know what to think. Something I believed in for years was all a big fucking lie. One big old stupid joke, like always. Why did I ever think anyone could actually love me that was NORMAL?”   
“I love you.” He said, and I turned to look at him.  
“That’s such bullshit and you know it. Someone who loved me wouldn’t lie to my goddamn face for years. All the times I asked you about John, you told me it was because you were jealous. I should have known you were full of shit. Why would you ever tell me the truth? That would be something a good person would do.”  
“Why would I tell you the truth?” he interjected, “You would have dumped me on the spot. I had everything to lose!”   
“There were so many times you could have told me. You could have spared me the pain of remembering the relationship and thinking that it was the best I was ever going to get in life. I sat alone and cried so many times because of this, and I didn’t have to. John was a fucking fraud. If I had known that all along, I think we would have been in an entirely different place right now.”   
“Oh come off it, that’s not true, either. You still would have been pissed.”  
“Of course I would have, but I could have understood at least. You let it go on for way too long; were you ever going to tell me?” I shot at him.  
His silence answered my question.  
“Then why now?”  
“Because now I have nothing to lose. I don’t have you anymore. You ditched me – yet again, I might add – because of Bruce Wayne. What is it about him, Harley? I want to know. Why do you keep going back to him when he keeps fucking you over? I know what happened in that courtroom. I saw you not even glance at him afterward.”  
“He was the one who orchestrated everything to get Pam put in jail.” I said, “How could I not be angry at him? She’s my best friend.”   
“Um, yes, I knew all of that. I knew about that plot a long time ago. That’s why I intended to get rid of him. I wanted to obliterate him for everything he had done to all of you. And of course you misinterpreted it as always. You think I have something against him? Of course I do. He’s screwed you over multiple times. He just about ruined Pam’s life and you still wanted to defend him.” He snapped, “Good call.”   
“Well, I keep going back to you even though you’re a villainous psychopath who basically murdered my parents, so there’s that.” I shot back at him, “Why are we even bothering to question my sanity? That topic has been dubious as best for the past few years. Whatever was left of my old life died right there with John and my parents. I don’t think you’re sitting around feeling guilty about that.”   
“What is there to talk about at this point? We’ve been over this a thousand times. I didn’t intend to kill your parents. They were there. They were casualties. With everything that was happening, I didn’t care about anything but killing John-Marc – god damn it whatever the fuck his name is! He was the target, not you. Not your parents.”  
“Let’s also talk about the fact that I could have died!” I shoved him hard against the chest, “Then what the hell would you have done?!”  
“I knew you weren’t going to die.” He grabbed my hands, “Harley, you think I’m an idiot? I saw you come out of the window. I waited for you, to make sure you were safe, alive. I wasn’t going to leave you if there was any chance that you were going to die.”   
I had to admit that I didn’t consider that he had waited for me. My mind had been otherwise occupied.   
I pulled away, “Well, I had to hope you didn’t intend on leaving me there. I still think that you killed off everyone around me so that I wouldn’t have had a choice but to go back to you.”   
“That was convenient, but not my plan.”   
“My parents’ death was CONVENIENT?” I had to clench my jaw tightly to keep it from dropping in complete astonishment, “Are you fucking kidding me?!”  
“Whoa, whoa,” he threw his hands up, “That came out wrong! I didn’t mean that! I meant that I had to find a way to isolate you from everyone but death was not part of the agenda! It just happened that they died. You needed a reason to get angry. You needed rage. And you got it, didn’t you? You became the person you always wanted to be because nothing held you back from it.”  
“Yes, well, being an orphan wasn’t exactly what I had in mind!”   
“Oh calm down, Oliver Twist. You’re an adult. That doesn’t make you an orphan.”   
“Don’t use literary references to make your point. That’s just cliché.”   
“There you go again, averting the topic at hand. Let’s just mention the fact that you haven’t even asked about your own daughter.”   
I spun to face him, “What about our daughter?”   
“Nothing, she’s fine. She’s with Ramone in a safe location.”  
“RAMONE?!” I exploded, “He’s fucking 6 foot 5 and 300 pounds! He will crush our child!”   
“He has like 5 children, he can handle it.”  
“Since when does he have 5 children?” I paused, “I don’t remember him ever being married.”  
“They’re not all from the same person.” He shrugged, “It’s a lot of drama. I wasn’t listening when he told me.”  
“What a kind and sympathetic friend you are.”  
“We aren’t friends. He’s my bodyguard. And when necessary, a babysitter.” He added, “Not the point.”  
“Um, I didn’t ask about my daughter because you were distracting me with other life-changing information, so thanks for that.”   
“I want to talk about why you left.”   
I groaned audibly. The exact conversation I was hoping to avoid.


	14. Heads Will Roll

Chapter 14: Heads Will Roll

Off, off with your head   
Dance, dance til you’re dead  
Heads will roll on the floor  
Looking glass, take your past  
Shut your eyes, you realize   
\- “Heads Will Roll”, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs 

“Are you seriously groaning?” he looked at me with a raised eyebrow, “That’s so mature, Harleen.”   
“You’re going to hate me.” I whined.  
“Too late.” He shrugged, “So what do you have to lose at this point?”  
“Now that you put it that way.” I said with a dead-pan glare.   
“Why did you leave?”  
“Relentless, you are.” I glanced around me, “God, I don’t want to have this conversation. It’s what I’ve been avoiding for months.”  
“Yeah, I’m aware of that, considering you weren’t talking to me and left no note. What are you so afraid of?”  
“This exact situation.” I said, gesturing around me, “You, me, a confrontation. I just didn’t want to deal with the pain.”  
“Sounds like you.” He said, scuffing his shoe against the dirt absent-mindedly, “Conflict-avoidant when you don’t need to be. I’m nothing if not an honest person.”   
“Is that supposed to be funny?”  
“I spilled my guts to you. You know more about me than anyone on the planet.”   
“Besides your real name? And how do I even know anything you told me was true?”  
“You still don’t trust me?” he snapped, “Really?! You had a child with me!”  
“A nice forced pregnancy, thanks.”   
“Is that why you left me? The baby?”   
“No, not exactly.” I sighed, “It’s very complicated.”   
“Complicated in the way that only you can be complicated. I know what happened. Just tell me if I’m wrong. You were restless. You were upset with me because I wasn’t the man I used to be. You wanted me to be the criminal, the fucked-up mess, because then you were always better than me.”  
“What the hell are you-”  
“No, shut the fuck up!” he interjected violently, “Don’t try to defend yourself. You know what I’m saying is true. You always had the one-up on me because you were smarter than me, richer than me – basically, not as messed up as me. You had the rich parents, the privileged upbringing, and the family who loved you. I had nothing, and you thought you were better than me and you were always going to be the sane one. When we moved to Italy, I became myself again. I could actually walk the streets like a regular person, be healthy, not be so angry at the world. You couldn’t take me being happy. You wanted me miserable, angry, fighting with you constantly. That’s the way you knew our love and I threw you off by changing my lifestyle.”   
I couldn’t say anything because I knew he was right.   
He half-smiled, “See? I know you.”   
“You don’t know shit.” I retorted, “Just because you’re right about all that doesn’t mean you’re right about everything.”   
“Mhm.” He said so very smugly that I wanted to punch him.  
“See why I wanted to leave? This is fucking garbage. I don’t think I need to hear you talk about how you ‘know me’ and you just take advantage of my vulnerability and my loneliness.”  
“Vulnerability? Seriously?” He choked back a laugh, “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re about as vulnerable as a sedentary rock. I’ve seen you shoot a man. Don’t even try that act with me.”   
I narrowed my eyes, “You suck.”   
“So, did I get it right? Is that why you left? Because you didn’t like being a bored housewife?”  
“That’s not fair.”  
“Yes, it is definitely a fair statement. You didn’t like that things weren’t going your way, so you left. Thankfully, by the grace of almighty God, I am actually quite tolerant of your bullshit and am willing to take you back if you’re up to spending a couple more years with me and then ghosting out again.”   
“If you hadn’t said that with such dripping irony, I would actually consider it.” I retorted.  
“Look, Harley, level with me. I didn’t want you to leave. I’m sorry that things were not the way you liked them. We have a child together and you can’t just walk away from that, not at least without feeling an overwhelming guilt, which I imagine you have otherwise you wouldn’t have shown up here today. You felt guilty about John, so I know you have to feel guilty about leaving our child.”   
“Um, obviously I do!” I fought back the angry tears that were threatening to surface, “I think about her every minute of every day. Angela and I were going to go to Italy and get her back until you showed up here to torment me.”  
“Oh, operation take back your daughter or whatever you called it? That was never going to work. Let’s just take a moment to remember that I’m always one step ahead of you, babe. I always will be.”  
“Ok, ok, so if you’re always ‘one step ahead of me’…” I did this in a very condescending, mocking voice if you can picture it, “Why didn’t you predict that I was going to leave?”  
That stopped him for a moment. I felt quite smug.  
“Well?” I asked.  
“Let me think.” He said, exhaling, “Well, I guess I should have known. I got comfortable in Italy, more comfortable than I’ve ever been in my life. I let myself think that everything was going so smoothly when I should have known it wasn’t. I really thought we were past all this, Harley. I thought that your inevitable declaration of love for me was going to change things. Again, I got optimistic. Not a word I usually use to describe myself, but hey, let’s just throw caution to the wind. I was optimistic for our future. I guess you always keep on my toes.”   
“Flattering assessment of me.” I was all full of snark today.   
“Yeah, very flattering.” He responded easily, “When Bruce and Selina came back into our lives, I knew that would throw you for a loop. You have a weakness for that dick-hole. You always have. That’s why you backslid with him AGAIN. Again.” He shook his head, “God, you need some help. Anyway, you had to go and talk to them because I knew you wouldn’t have it any other way, and I hoped that that would assuage you for the time being. When Selina left Bruce, that’s when that whole fantasy imploded. He came to our house and I knew our little dalliance in Italy was over. It was good while it lasted. That’s why I planned to burn Wayne Enterprises to the ground. It would eliminate any further crap that you would inevitably bring up with that man again.”  
(Reader: you see what I did there?)   
“Yes, but didn’t you think I would figure out it was you?” I retaliated, “I’m not fucking stupid. And how did you think I was going to react when I found out?”  
“You would stay with me.” He said matter-of-factly, “Yes, you were going to be pissed, but you would have stayed with me.”  
“How do you figure that?”  
“Because you would have no one to go to. Bruce would be dead and so would all the other shit he’s caused. Bruce has screwed everything up for everyone and it’s taken you way too damn long to see that. He almost put your best friend in prison for life. When you showed up and saved him or whatever, he had to act and pretend that he didn’t do anything because he knew you would find a way to beat him. You’re nothing if not persistent when you want something, we’ve all come to find out. He had to cover his own ass because you did something nice for him. And to him. Ok, I’m not going to go further because I will boil with rage but in any case, he owed it to you to at least pretend he cared about Pam. I don’t blame him for that but you should have seen it coming.”  
“Ok, yes, I’m not going to disagree with you there.” I admitted, “I should have seen that he had it out for Pam. But I wasn’t here. I was in Italy with you. I thought everything was fine and why shouldn’t I have thought otherwise? Pam and Selina are such ancient history at this point. Selina moved on to her fake new boyfriend.”   
“She moves quickly.” He commented.  
“You’re telling me.” I scoffed, “It shouldn’t be a shock to anyone. Mostly I was just surprised that he’s normal.”  
“I’m sure he’s a serial killer.” He said offhandedly.   
“Do you have confirmation on that? Is that true? Can I tell her?” I nearly jumped up and down from excitement.  
“I’m not saying he is. I’m just saying that she tends to attract psychopaths so I bet he is. I can check into it.”   
“I would cry from happiness if that was true.”   
“You’re such a bitch.” He said this in complete fondness, I assure you.  
“Only when it comes to Selina. She deserves the absolute worst.” I said matter-of-factly.   
“Can’t say I disagree. Look, we’ve reached an impasse in conversation so let’s get to the point before this veers off any further than it needs to. What are we doing?”  
“That’s rather vague and flippant.”   
“You’re vague and flippant.” He retorted smoothly, “I mean, what are we doing about us? Are we staying together? Am I blowing your brains out? What’s the plan here?”  
“Such great options. How could I possibly choose?”  
“Quit the bullshit. Here’s option 1: I shoot you in the head right here and run away and all of my future problems are solved. Not a good option really for either of us. I’m not super thrilled with killing the love of my life so you can understand my dilemma. Option 2: you agree to let bygones be bygones, forgive me for being domesticated or whatever crap you had in your head, and we go travel the world together in at least a semi-harmonious existence. I think that’s a better option personally.”   
“Gee, you really put me in a vice here.” I said, feigning pensiveness, “I…after some thought, and after everything that we talked about here today and everything that has happened in the past couple of days, I realize that the second option is going to have to be my option for the rest of my life. Bruce is a vindictive ass-hole that I couldn’t possibly ever love again let alone speak to, Selina’s off doing her own thing and I’m going to get my revenge somehow with her, but I’ll put a tab in that for later. Apparently the only guy in my life that I thought was normal was actually a con artist, so that’s super special. So, that all being said, I’m going to be with you.”   
His eyes softened, “You’re serious? You’re actually going to commit to this?”  
“Yes.”   
He reached forward to embrace me, but I put my hand firmly against his chest, “Hold up, buddy.”  
“What?” he stumbled slightly from the momentum.   
“I have a few conditions.”  
“You think you’re in the position to make conditions for this agreement?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Yes, I know it’s difficult to believe, but I have to tell you these things before I make any kind of commitment to you. Condition one: we can’t let ourselves be boring, Jay. We have to travel more, do something spontaneous, raise our child with wanderlust and open-mindedness; I don’t want her to think we’re boring and domestic like my parents were. Can you agree to that?”  
“Absolutely.”   
“Condition two: when Olivia is 18, we move back to the US. By then, people will have forgotten about us and we will be like fucking old. I want her to go to college here. Harvard preferably.”  
“You think she’ll make it into Harvard?”   
“Duh, with my book smarts and your street smarts she’s going to be a lethal combination. Harvard it is. No Princeton, no Dartmouth bullshit. Harvard. I’ll settle for Yale but I’m not super thrilled about it.”  
“I think I can agree to that but it’s difficult to say for something that’s 17 and a half years from now.”   
“I’ll take that. Condition three: we talk about our issues and be honest with each other. I vow right now to not stew and be pissed off at you and not tell you what’s wrong so we can avoid me ditching you for the umpteenth time. I expect the same of you.”  
“I more than wholeheartedly agree to that.”   
“Good. And finally, condition four is a two parter: part A is that you help me break Pam out of Arkham and part B is that you have to come to my sister’s wedding. And we have to do both of these things within the next week. You in?”   
He grabbed my face before I could protest and planted a big smack on my lips, “You know I’m in, Princess.”  
I smacked his arm, “Stop calling me Princess.”  
“Never.” He grinned with that familiar wild abandon and I was hooked again.


	15. I Think I Could Go On

Chapter 15: I Think I Could Go On

Would you hold me? To it, I think I would love me?  
Won't but I know I think I could…go on  
Hold me down, it's over now, I suppose  
Your right hand your left brain  
Is dialed and fed on control

\- “Waves”, Sleeper Agent

“I’m surprised you remember this place so well.” The Joker panted.   
“Well, I did work here for a couple years. I learned the ins and outs. And I, you know, kinda helped you escape or whatever.”   
We were scaling the back of Arkham with a good old-fashioned rope and grappling hook. I felt so goddamn alive. I know I’m crazy. They should probably put me in one of the cells in Arkham because I’m fucked up but that’s ok. I get to be crazy and fucked up with the only person who is crazier and more fucked up than I am. I’m a lucky lady.  
“Yeah, yeah,” he said dismissively, “So what do we do when we get to the roof?”  
“There’s a door up there that leads to the top floor. We might have to break it open because they keep it locked most of the time. If they didn’t fire that drunk-ass janitor Steve, then it may be unlocked. He wasn’t very good about that.”  
“An untrustworthy alcoholic working at an insane asylum? Safe.”  
“You know, watch the second season of American Horror Story and you would be incredibly surprised at how accurate some of that is to how they were in the 60’s and 70’s and even now. Arkham is pretty old; it has a lot of passageways that are totally unused and dungeon-y basements that even you would be scared of.”  
“And how would you know?” he raised an eyebrow as best as he could while struggling to get his foot hold on the brick exterior.  
“Grand tour after I was hired.” I said, “My boss thought that I should know the ways that inmates could escape. Most of you all are geniuses in a weird way; if you got out of your cell, you were guaranteed to utilize all your brain capacity to find a way out.”  
“I didn’t need to; I had you.” He said.  
“Cut that snarky shit out, buddy.”  
“Hey, I’m helping you break your friend out of the mental institution. Get off my case.”   
“I broke you out. You owe me this.”  
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He grumbled.   
“That’s not the right attitude, mister.” I said, grunting with effort as I hoisted myself over on top of the roof. I reached my hand down, “Need help, old man?”  
“No, not if you’re going to be condescending about it.” He struggled for a moment, and then lifted himself onto the roof next to me.  
We both straightened and shook the dust and dirt off of our black clothes. We had opted for that ninja look. Pretty hot, you must imagine.  
“Now what?” he asked.  
“Door.” I pointed and I set off for the aforementioned object. He followed me closely.   
“You don’t need to worry too much; there’s no one ever up here.” I said.  
“I have an inherent need to protect you.”   
“That’s all fine and dandy, but I’ve got this, puddin’.”   
“I thought we had agreed to a ‘no’ on the puddin’ business.”  
“I thought we had agreed to a ‘no’ on calling me Princess but I guess we can’t all get what we want.” I snapped.   
“God we are the most dysfunctional couple on the planet.” He rolled his eyes skyward.  
I made to open the door, and pulled it open much easier than I thought. I looked over at him, “Well, cheap-asses didn’t fire the janitor.”   
“Gotham is a bullshit town.” He remarked, “Can’t even keep the mental institutions in line.”  
“Their loss is our gain.” I went down the darkened staircase, the Joker behind me.   
“Shouldn’t I go in front of you?” he hissed.   
“Nah, I’m fronting this mission, like I said. This is my friend; you’re just helping.”  
“Independent woman. Can’t say I’m not turned on right now.”  
“Keep it in your fucking pants, good Lord, get it together.”  
“It’s been a while, you know.”  
“Yeah, I know.”   
“Can’t say it’s been that long for you.”  
“Ha ha.” I said, dead-pan.  
“I’m going to kill Bruce Wayne so hard.” He muttered.   
“Get in line.” I pushed open the door to the fourth floor corridor. I peered around the corner, “All quiet here.”   
“Lax on security, huh?”  
“Psh, they always have been.” I whispered, and gestured for him to follow me, “Stay low and quiet.”  
He nodded in acknowledgment.  
We crept down the hallway at a very slow pace; it was pretty dark and everyone was sleeping since it was around 3 in the morning. I heard a few familiar noises; the fourth floor was for mostly paranoid schizophrenics who were dangers to themselves, so the majority of people on the floor were heavily restrained. I hadn’t had much experience with those patients but I knew that they were not going to be a threat considering their medication or their straightjackets.   
“This place gives me the creeps.” The Joker commented softly.   
“You lived here.”  
“Yes, exactly.” He shuddered involuntarily.   
“No fond memories?” I asked as we went inside the vestibule where the elevator was. I heard footsteps, and halted.   
“You heard them too?” the Joker asked.   
“Yup.” I replied, heart racing.  
“I’ve got this.” He said.  
“No, let’s just keep going, we just need to go down one more floor. I’m sure it’s just the night guards making the rounds.” I pushed open the swinging doors to the staircase, and we descended to the third floor. I peered down the hallway and quickly threw my back against the door.   
“Guards?” he inquired.  
“Yeah, one.” I replied, “Can you take care of him? Get his keys. I’m going to need them to open Pam’s cell door.”   
“No problem.” He threw open the door and proclaimed dramatically, “Well, hello, motherfucker!”  
And he says I have a penchant for the melodramatic.  
“Goddamn it babe,” I said under my breath, and went in behind them, holding my knife firmly in my hand.   
The guard had his gun up, “Who the fuck are you?”  
“Oh, I’ve been here before.” The Joker was in his element now; the usual swagger that accompanied his walk, and that confident yet crazed look he got in his eyes when he confronted a victim, “You may remember me. I’m…what do they call me? I’m a freak. I’m a clown. I’m a psychopath. You guys put me in here twice, and each time I got out. Somebody needs a new human resources manager to hire better security guards.”   
“Shut up!” the guard shouted, holding his gun tightly in his hand, “Don’t make me shoot you!”  
The Joker went on, “I mean, somebody really should consider putting all of you on a diet. How will you chase criminals when you’re too busy eating donuts in the break room?”  
“I’ve had it, buddy! You need to stand down now!” the guard yelled.  
The inmates were all starting to come to the bars, peering out, screaming. It was pandemonium.   
“Babe, get on with it! More guards will come when they hear the noise!” I snapped.  
The Joker almost impossibly quickly pulled his gun out, “You stand down, ass-hole!” and he put a bullet right between the guard’s eyes. He fell to the ground with a thud. I raced down the hall to find Pam’s cell. I heard her voice, “Joker? Harley? Is one of you out there?”  
I reached her cell, and we locked eyes. She almost started crying, “Oh my god! You’re here! I knew you’d come!”  
“Get the keys!” I barked.  
He threw them to me and I deftly unlocked the door. Pam came out in an outfit that kind of looked like white hospital scrubs and gym shoes. She had no make-up on and her hair was thrown back into a ponytail.  
“Let’s get out of this hellhole.” Pam said.   
“Amen.” The Joker affirmed.   
We almost ran into another guard on the staircase back up to the fourth floor but the Joker knocked him out with a hard punch before he could get a word in edgewise. We scaled the stairs to the roof, and the Joker threw open the heavy door.   
“Ok, so what do we do now?” Pam asked as we stood there.   
“We have a rope over…there…” I started to point, and my finger dropped as I realized that the rope must have fallen.   
“Harley, of course you would fuck this up.” Pam groaned.   
“Anyone have a back-up rope?” I inquired with a forced smile.  
“I’ll bet we can jump.” The Joker suggested.  
“Jump from a four-story building? Are you out of your fucking mind?” Pam snapped.  
“Hang on, hang on,” I took out my cell and dialed, “Hey, she’s with us. Can you guys come to the east side of the building? Do you have an extra rope or something we can jump onto? Yeah? Ok. See you in a minute.”  
“Who was that?” Pam looked at me skeptically.  
“Your parents.”  
“MY PARENTS?!” she nearly screeched, “What the hell are they doing here?”  
“Helping.” The Joker supplied.  
“Yeah, I figured that, but they’re like old! This is dangerous.” Pam wrung her hands in worry.   
Angela texted me, ‘We are standing outside. Have a sheet. I think you can jump.’   
“Ok, so they’re standing there with a sheet. Babe, you jump first so we can make sure it’s ok.”  
“So I can get hurt?” he groaned, “Great, thanks.”  
“Again, you owe me one.” I reiterated.   
“Yeah, yeah,” he stood at the edge, and looked down, “If there ever was a time to pray, I would do it now.”   
“Cut the shit.” Pam sniped, “Get a move on.”  
The Joker looked at me, and then jumped. Pam and I ran to the edge, watching.   
I yelled down, “You ok?”   
“He’s fine!” Angela shouted in return.   
I nodded at Pam, “You next, then.”   
She exhaled deeply and stood on the edge, looking down for a moment. Then, without too much hesitation, she leaped with a tiny squeak.   
“We’re good here!” Angela shouted back up to me.  
“Coming!” I said, and jumped. I fell onto the sheet with a bit of a thump, but I was no worse for the wear. Pam embraced her parents.  
“You guys didn’t have to do this for me.” She said, her eyes welling up with tears.   
“You’re our daughter. We would do anything for you.” Mike said.   
“Leave the pleasantries and crying for later. Let’s get to the car. The guards are probably out front looking for us.” The Joker interjected.  
“Good point.” Angela agreed, and we all hurried to the car. The three of us hopped in the back and Angela took the driver’s seat. We sped off through the woods in the back. As we got further and further away, we all began to breathe again.   
“I think you should come back to Washington with us for a while until this all blows over.” Angela suggested.  
“I think that’s a good idea.” I chorused.   
“We will have to drive obviously because you can’t get on a plane, but that’s fine. We can remain as anonymous as possible.” Angela continued.  
“Yes, but won’t that put you guys in danger? What if they come looking for me?” Pam bit her lip, anxious.  
“They’re seriously not going to fly all the way to Seattle just to see if you’re staying with us. It’s going to take a while for them to even realize that you’re gone and I’m pretty sure that they’re not going to think your almost retirement age parents are hiding you.”   
“Good Lord, Ang, you’re devious.” I remarked with admiration.   
“I didn’t get this far in life without being a tad bitchy.” She shrugged.  
“It’s true.” Mike piped up.   
“Your parents are bad-ass.” The Joker said to Pam.  
“I’m realizing that.” She smiled.   
“It was way easier to break you out than I had anticipated.” He said, resting his head against the window, “I guess Arkham’s security leaves a lot to be desired.”  
“Well that’s why you break in at night. Less staff around. And of course you wouldn’t really know that unless you had someone on the inside.” I knew I sounded rather smug.  
“Yes, but they could have changed things in the, I don’t know, two years since you’ve been gone.”  
“Or they could be a predictable government institution and not change anything at all.” I retorted.  
“The anti-establishment thing you have going on is really adorable, but I’m fucking tired.” The Joker closed his eyes, “I haven’t done something like this in so long. It’s exhausting.”  
“God, you guys are old and boring.” Pam shook her head in disbelief.  
“That’s what I tried to tell him. This is way more fun than getting pasta for lunch every day in Venice.”  
“Harley, you are certifiably past the point of no return on a sanity level.” Pam patted my head.   
“So are you.” I replied.  
…   
We saw Pam and her parents off the following morning. I embraced her, “I promise I’ll visit in a few months. We have to go to Omaha, and then we have to decide where we’re going after that. I’ll email your mom once I know my new address.”  
“Where are you guys thinking about going?”  
“Maybe England or Spain. He prefers England because they speak English obviously but we could get by in Spain. Madrid has a lot of English speakers and we could fly under the radar because it’s a huge city. And their unemployment is stupid bad so no one is paying attention.”   
“Well, wherever you go, just keep me updated. I’m going to be wasting away in Seattle. I’ll probably end up being a goddamn barista at Starbucks out of boredom.”   
“But you can work with your plants again. At least the weather isn’t total shit like in New York to have a greenhouse. You can relax.” I said, doing my best not to cry. Pam and I’s friendship was under a lot of strain the past few months and we were going to be separated yet again. Selina had gone back to Wyoming to be with her weird, normal boyfriend and to lead a weird, normal life. Who wants normal anyway?   
The Joker put a hand on my shoulder, “It’s going to be ok.” He was holding Olivia in his arms. I kissed both of them.  
“Yeah, I know.” I turned back to Pam, “Call me when you get there, no matter if I can answer or not.”   
“I will, I will.” She said, hugging me again, “You’ll be fine.”   
“So will you.” I said, and I meant it.   
We embraced Angela and Mike as well, and after we exchanged good-byes one more time, they left. We had stayed at a hotel in New York and they had gone back to Wayne Manor to collect their things. I was not interested in talking to Bruce and having to explain the situation. The Joker was not thrilled at the prospect of seeing him either, so we avoided it like the plague.   
Pam said Bruce hadn’t mentioned me and he had been like a ghost wandering around the house, only barely smiling when playing with Edward. No one was exactly happy to be around him. He knew whatever friendship with Selina or I was fucked, and Pam didn’t even want to have anything to do with him at all. Selina had left without claiming any right to take her son; I guess she had told Bruce to shove it and that she expected him to send Edward for a visit in a few months. Pam claimed that Selina wanted to come clean a little about her past with Luke, and hope that it worked out for the best. I was dubious, but I wasn’t going to be a huge bitch about it. I’m trying to grow. Work with me here.  
The Joker and I packed up our things to get ready to go to Omaha. We still had our fake-ass names and passports anyway so we didn’t really have to worry too much. I had warned my sister (sort of) of our arrival, meaning I had basically told her nothing about the Joker and Olivia joining us. She was just going to have to deal with it when we got there.   
We got on the plane, and the Joker opened his book while I sat, bouncing Olivia absent-mindedly on my lap.  
“You’re a nervous wreck.” He pointed out.  
“I’m fine.” I said way too defensively.  
“Yes, I am so convinced.” He closed his book and put a hand on my arm, “I solemnly swear that I will not mess up this wedding. It’s not your wedding, so we’re good. I’m sure that’s what you’re worried about.”  
“Admittedly, I was, a little. But I know you won’t. I think I’m just worried for Maggie. She seemed kind of anxious last time I talked to her.”   
“Probably because you weren’t around to help her.”  
“Hey, hey,” I said sharply, “I had other pressing matters to attend to. I’m not saying Pam is more important than my sister, but Pam was going to go to prison. My sister is getting married. I had the power to stop one of those things from happening.”   
“You want to stop your sister from getting married?”   
“No, I like Ryan. In fact, he’s too good for my sister.”  
“Look, Harley, don’t let your paralyzing fear of commitment influence your sister from getting married. She loves him.”  
“I am not afraid of commitment to a person. I just don’t think the institution of marriage is necessary to commit to someone.”  
“Yes, but other people believe that. I believed in it once.” He said quietly.   
“Sorry.” I said sincerely, and jumped as the intercom went on.  
“Attention flight 1997, we will be departing from New York in 5 minutes going to Omaha, Nebraska. Please buckle your seatbelts and prepare for take-off.”  
“I just hope you have no intention for messing up this wedding.” He said, leaning his head against the back of the seat.  
“Not at all. My sister is hard-headed as fuck; she would never listen to me, anyway. I just doubt that Ryan knows everything about her like she claims he does.”  
“Maybe he does.”  
“No, I really doubt it. He wouldn’t think as highly of her if he did.” I said, shaking my head.   
“I know every bad thing you’ve ever done, but I still love you. It’s entirely possible.” He kissed Olivia on the forehead and she gurgled something unintelligible, “And we made a life together. People make mistakes and they forgive people for it. I don’t doubt that Ryan would still love her even if he didn’t know the whole truth.”   
I sighed, “I guess we’ll see. I’m ready to be there for her.”  
“And that’s all she needs you to do. Just settle down, try to sleep a little. I’ll keep an eye on Liv if you want.”   
“Is ‘Liv’ a thing that’s happening now?” I asked, handing her to him.  
“I wanted a nickname for her. I think it suits her.”  
“It does I just want to be in on things like that. I already know she’s going to be Daddy’s girl so I have to keep up on the inside jokes.”   
“That’s very maternal of you.” He grinned.  
“Don’t get cocky. I have my moments of weakness.” I said, closing my eyes, “Wake me up in a little while.”  
I must have been more tired than I thought because I passed out for a good hour and a half. The Joker shook me lightly to jolt me from my slumber. I snorted a little (very attractive, I know) and sat up, stretching uncomfortably.  
“Almost there?” I inquired.  
“Yup.”   
I took Olivia from him who was also sound asleep, “Thanks for letting me sleep. You’re a saint.”  
“You looked pretty out of it. I would have suggested a glass of wine to calm your nerves.”  
“I need one of those.” I said, getting an immediate hankering for a nice full glass of moscato.  
“I’m sure your sister will have some.”   
“If she knows what’s good for her.” I added.


	16. Love is Not a Victory March

Chapter 16: Love is Not a Victory March

Baby I've been here before  
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor (you know)  
I used to live alone before I knew you  
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
and love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah  
\- “Hallelujah”, Leonard Cohen 

We landed, and got off the plane and headed into the airport. We glanced around and saw Ryan waiting for us in the lobby. He looked a little surprised to see our small entourage, considering I hadn’t told my sister that my ex-and then again on-and then again-ex-and now again-on boyfriend was coming with me. Damn, that’s complicated. I need help.  
I headed him off at the pass by saying, “Ryan, this is Jay.”  
Ryan handled it like a champ, “Jay, nice to meet you.”   
“You as well, Ryan. I’ve heard a lot about you.”  
“Same here.” Ryan said, trying not to change facial expressions. He glanced askance at me, obviously hoping for a small explanation.  
I said nothing but merely shook my head almost infinitesimally, but enough for him to get the picture. As I was talking to the Joker, I saw him subtly whip out his phone and start texting rapid fire, evidently to my sister, who then started to blow up my phone.  
‘What the fuck Harley’  
‘What is he doing here? You said you were over’  
‘you better explain yourself when you get here. I don’t need this right now’  
I texted her back, ‘You will see soon. Sorry.’   
We got into Ryan’s car and made the hour-ish long trek back to their town. The Joker, Olivia in his lap, was pointing things out to her from the window, “See Liv, those are cows. We haven’t really seen those before, have we? And cornfields. That’s different.”   
Ryan smiled, and turned to me, “I can’t wait until me and Maggie have kids. She’s going to be such a great mom.”  
“I’m trying not to throw up thinking about the fact that my sister could be a mom someday.” I swallowed hard, “That’s sobering.”   
“You’re a mom.”   
“Yeah but I’m like super aloof and not at all maternal.”  
“You’re telling me.” The Joker commented.   
“Thanks, babe.” I said, dead-pan.  
Ryan blinked, “You think that Maggie wouldn’t make a good mother?”  
“Oh, no, honestly she’d be way more involved than me. She’d be all up in the minivan bringing the kids to hockey practice. That just isn’t me.” I shrugged, “Never pictured myself being that type of mom.”  
“So you don’t plan on Olivia having that kind of life?” he asked.  
“God no. We’re going to raise her all over the world. We have the luxury to do so, and so why shouldn’t we? I want her to be cultured and intellectual. Independent.”   
“And you’re fine with that?” Ryan gestured to my significant other.  
“Yes, I am.” He responded, shifting her in his lap. He ruffled her little dark blonde tufts of hair, right now contained by a lace headband, “Harley and I are not traditional people. Why would we raise our child to be traditional?”  
“Aren’t you worried that she’ll be a loner or she won’t fit in?” Ryan pressed, “How is she even going to go to school if you’re constantly moving around?”  
“When she’s middle school age, we’ll make sure she gets an education.” I said, feeling a little attacked, “We want her to socialize with other children but we want her to form her own ideas of the world instead of other people or other children doing it for her.”   
“What if she wants to have the normal life, the ‘hockey practice’ as you lovingly call it? Harley, you are being condescending to those of us who choose to raise our children that way. I was raised in a small town with small town values; honesty, hard work. I played baseball and soccer and ran around with my friends after school.” He sighed, “I just think that you should consider other options and maybe consider that she should grow up in a more stable environment.”   
“Stable is lame.” I said blandly, “And you know what, Ryan, everyone raises their children differently. Different doesn’t mean bad. It means that we have forged our own path and you and Maggie will forge yours. There’s nothing to discuss.”  
“I am her uncle.”   
“Not yet you’re not.” I snapped.  
He fell silent for a moment, resting his forearm on the open window ledge, sticking his hand out to feel the warm spring air, “I still want to be a part of your family’s life. We are going to be family in two days, Harleen.”  
“Yes, and I’m happy about it.” I said, and I meant it, “I’ve always wanted my sister to marry someone like you. You have values, a good family life, a stable job. I’m over the fucking moon, dude. I’m just sorry that you have to deal with the fugitive sister. I know that cramps your style.”  
“There’s no need to be sarcastic, babe.” The Joker interjected, “I like you, Ryan.”  
“Oh, a scintillating recommendation from a world-renowned psychopath.” I declared.  
“What crawled up your ass and died this morning?” the Joker scoffed.  
“Babe, language in front of the baby!” I said, glancing back at my child, who was sound asleep.  
“She’s going to hear worse living with us.” He rolled his eyes.  
“Yeah we’re pretty ratchet.” I agreed.  
He laughed, and Ryan looked super puzzled, “What is ‘ratchet’?”  
I patted his shoulder, “Oh, honey, I have so much to teach you.”  
…  
We arrived at Maggie and Ryan’s abode, and she was waiting on the porch to meet us. She had been talking on her cell when we arrived, but said her quick good-bye to whoever it was and came rushing down the porch steps.  
“YOU BITCH!” she yelled.  
“That’s warm welcome.” My boyfriend muttered.  
“Hi, sis.” I said weakly.  
Ryan skirted around me, “I’ll get the bags.”  
“I’ll help you.” The Joker added, and they absconded to the back of the vehicle, which left me in the face of wrath, holding my infant daughter.  
“HARLEEN FRANCES QUINZEL, I- oh, hey, Olivia, my baby girl –” she waggled her fingers at my child and proceeded to harangue me, “You do not call me for a week, you show up at my goddamn house with your whatever-the-fuck-he-is in tow two days before my wedding?! You have been no help, you’ve been in New York for God knows how long helping your friend when I’ve needed you here!”  
“You have Ryan. And your bridesmaids.” I tried to argue but she started talking over me.  
“Oh yeah because the dumb-ass nurse brigade is so much help! All they care about is if there’s an open bar so they can get drunk on two glasses of wine and not put up with their children for the evening! Are you dumb? Are you really that dumb? You are my sister! You are my only family in the whole goddamned universe and you were not here for me!” Maggie was red in the face, her eyes a bit bloodshot. She had been crying before we got here.  
“Maggie, can we go inside and talk about this, please?” I suggested.  
“Sure.” She said, her shoulders slumping.  
Ryan and the Joker carried our suitcases into the house and went up the stairs together. I guess they knew what was good for them. Maggie and I sat in the kitchen.  
“Do you want coffee?” she asked.  
“Sure.” I replied, trying to be amiable.  
She started the coffee maker, and sat down, sighing heavily, “I’m sorry. That was really not the right way to start off this visit.”  
“You’re stressed. I get it.”   
“I am.” She wrung her hands, “This wedding is a nightmare. I love Ryan. I’m so happy that I’m going to be his wife, but his family is so…hillbilly.”   
“Like whiskey and guns or whatever? Save a horse ride a cowboy level?”  
She raised an eyebrow at me.  
“That’s all I’ve got as a frame of reference for hillbilly.” I shrugged.  
“Yes, to answer your question. They’re just so old-fashioned and reserved. His mom is a ‘homemaker’, for Chrissakes. I can’t even remember a time when our mom was home for dinner or baked cookies with us.”   
“What a lovely vision of our childhood.”  
“Yes, but we respected Mom. We feared Mom, but we loved her. I always liked that she wasn’t the typical mother. She always taught us to be independent and open-minded.”  
“And stubborn as fuck.”  
“That, too.” She smiled, “But Ryan’s mom is all like, when are you popping out babies and oh obviously you’re going to stay at home with them aren’t you dear and we go to church every Sunday. Their idea of ‘fun’ is playing Monopoly on a Saturday night…without alcohol. Send help.”   
“You don’t have to be that way. You’re your own person.”  
“Harley,” she wiped at her eyes, tears dangerously impending, “I’ve always looked up to you. I never told you that because I was too young and selfish, but I think the world of you. You’ve always done your own thing and you didn’t give a fuck about what anyone thought of it. You still do. You made your life choices and didn’t apologize for it. What I’m trying to say is that you’re all I have left and I’m not going to take advantage of it.”   
I was taken aback, almost blindsided by this assessment. My sister had never really paid me much of a compliment, but this meant so much coming from her. She scurried over to the coffee maker and poured us some cups.   
“Do you think Jay will want some?” she asked.  
“He usually does. You can just ask him. He and Ryan have been hovering behind the doorframe for the last 5 minutes.”   
She peered around the door, “God damn it, you two! Like a couples of old ladies, waiting to hear the gossip.”   
“Can we have coffee?” Ryan inquired sheepishly.  
She rolled her eyes, and pulled out two more mugs.   
“Cream and sugar, Jay?” she asked, and handed Ryan his cup, just black coffee. He was weird.   
“Just some skim milk if you have it.” The Joker replied.  
She went to the fridge and did as she suggested, and passed him a cup as well. I locked eyes with him, and he raised his eyebrows at me. I just shook my head.   
“Where’s Olivia?” Maggie asked.  
“Napping upstairs in the spare room.” Ryan replied, “She’s such a good kid. You guys did something right.”  
“Maybe being without a mom for like 3 months did her some good.” I said, doing my very best interpretation of cynical.  
“Harley, don’t be bitchy.” My boyfriend retorted, “She’s just crabby because she hasn’t slept very well the past couple of weeks.”  
“Yeah well my best friend was kind of sentenced to an insane asylum so I was a little on edge, you know.” I said, dead-pan.   
“How’s Pam doing, anyway?” Maggie sat down at the table.   
“I don’t get to talk to her much. Strict rules.” I said. I wasn’t planning on telling them that we helped her escape. No need to worry them on their wedding weekend.   
“That must be hard for you.” Ryan leaned against the door frame.  
“Nah, I got used to her being in prison and all that. I’ll visit her before we head out again.”   
“Head out where?” Maggie and Ryan asked in unison. That was creepy.  
I looked at the Joker, “Um…we’re still deciding. Probably England or France. He’s never been to either, and he wants to be somewhere that he can speak English regularly. We picked up a little Italian but it was difficult.”  
“I hate you.” Maggie said, her words sprouting from jealousy.   
I ignored her, “Where are you guys planning on going for the honeymoon? Last time we talked, you hadn’t decided.” They weren’t going anywhere for a couple weeks because that was when they could get time off from their jobs.   
“I think we’re set on Aruba.” Maggie said, smiling, “We both wanted the beach, and we didn’t want to do Florida because that’s boring.”  
“I’m ready to lay out on the beach.” Ryan said, pretending to bask in the sunlight, “We’ve both been working so much lately.”   
“And we both work such weird hours, it’ll be nice to spend a whole week together uninterrupted.” Maggie added.   
“Do you guys want us to help pay for the honeymoon?” I basically blurted out.  
“Yeah, we can give you guys some money. Or at least pay for some massages or something.” The Joker suggested.   
Maggie and Ryan looked at each other, and Ryan said, “That’s not necessary. You guys – well, I guess, at least Harley – have helped so much already and we don’t want to impose on you.”  
“Don’t be all Southern gentleman about it.” I gestured for my purse and the Joker went to the living room to retrieve it. He handed me my checkbook and I wrote a check for five thousand and signed it.   
“I can’t accept this.” Maggie tried to shove my hand away.  
“Yes, you can. It’s our gift to you.”   
She looked uncomfortable, but Ryan nodded, “You guys are too generous, but we’ll accept. Maggie, let your sister do something nice for you. I know how stubborn you are, but you need to allow people to help you once in a while.”  
“Ugh, fine.” She said, handing the check to Ryan, “Just put it in with the pile from the bridal shower.”  
“Yeah, sorry I missed that…and the bachelorette party.” I bit my lip.  
“You didn’t miss much.” She shrugged, “My bridesmaids took me to some dive in Omaha and got drunk after like two vodka lemonades and then they cried about how beautiful I was and how I should appreciate my youth or whatever because they’re old moms.”  
“Sounds riveting.” I secretly thanked God I missed that occasion because I would have rather walked over hot coals for an hour than to deal with those stupid small-town bitches.   
“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.” Ryan, the ever optimistic, said.  
“Honey, I wish I was lying. It was my bachelorette party and they made it about themselves. I didn’t even see one penis.”   
Ryan flushed and we all started laughing.   
“Oh Ryan, you’re so adorable that you think that that’s embarrassing.” I tried to contain my giggles, “You’ve got a long haul with this family if that’s the worst thing you’ve heard come out of Maggie’s mouth.”   
“I’m realizing that.” He sighed. He put down his coffee cup. He turned to my boyfriend, “I imagine you’re going to need a suit. Should we go look for one?”   
“That’s probably a good idea.”   
“Have fun!” I waved at them as they made their way out the door.   
Maggie stared at me, “Are they becoming friends or something?”  
“It appears they are. That’s pretty cute.”  
“It’s funny; Ryan is friends with all these cops and firefighters and then he connects instantly with a criminal.”  
“I think that’s what you call comedic irony.”   
“Harley, stop being all doctoral.” She waved a hand in front of my face, “You annoy me.”   
“You’re my younger sister. I’m supposed to be annoyed by you.”   
“We had plenty of years of that.”  
“I thought you said you looked up to me.” I repeated in a whining sort of voice, “And you thought I was so brave for being independent.”   
“I take it all back.” She said curtly, “Let’s go check on Liv.”   
“Why’s everyone calling her Liv? Is that a thing I missed? I’m not sure if I like it.” I said, following her up the stairs.  
“I think it’s presh. What would you prefer, Olive? Ollie? Livie? Ew. I think that’s the only acceptable nickname for her.”   
“Fine, fine.” I conceded.   
I peered into the spare room; Olivia was sleeping rather soundly in her portable play area, curled up in fetal position. She stirred a little when we entered. I put a finger to my mouth, and Maggie nodded. We crept back out quietly, standing near the doorway.   
“Do you want to see her dress we bought her?” Maggie whispered.  
“I already bought her one in Italy.” I said back in the same hushed tone.  
“Well, mine is better. Come look.”   
We went into Maggie’s bedroom. It was a decent-sized room with a queen bed, and two closets: a larger one for Maggie and a small one for Ryan. Maggie’s was open, as usual, revealing a variety of different colors and patterns of scrubs and some jeans and t-shirts. Her gym shoes (of which she had plenty) were cascading out of her closet like a waterfall onto the ground.   
“Very tidy.” I commented.  
She glared at me, and went foraging into her closet. She pulled out a dry cleaner bag with a baby-sized dress inside it.   
“You’re going to love it. It’s adorable.” She took it out and displayed it on the closet rack.  
It was really cute, I had to admit. It was an ivory color with a gold satin bow, to match the tone of my sister’s dress.   
“I do really like it.” I said in earnest.  
“But you’re hesitant, why?”   
“Well, the one we bought her is from the actual flagship Versace store in Italy.” I tried not to be all snooty about it, but it was pretty awesome.   
“What the fuck ever.” She said in her usual dismissive fashion, “She can wear it when you guys get married.”  
I shifted uncomfortably and remained silent.  
She stared me down, “You really mean to tell me you have no intention of getting married?”  
“Why would we? We can’t even use our real names.”   
“What are you going to do when you enroll her in school? Just use fake names and get visas. I’m sure he knows people who can take care of that.”  
“Yes, we already have those things taken care of. We’re not worried about that.” I said, aggravated at her tone, “We will decide how we want to raise our child. You don’t need to preoccupy yourself with our problems. You’re getting married on Saturday. This week is about you.”   
“Why do you keep shoving this off?” she pressed, “You show up here with him again and act like everything’s all hunky dory and expect me not to say anything about it?!”   
“All you need to know is that I’ve made my choice.” I said shortly.  
Maggie fell silent. She put the dress back in the bag, and she gestured to it, “She’s wearing this at my wedding because I said so.”  
With her very serious face and demeanor, I wasn’t in the mood to argue, “Of course.”  
“Ok.” She put it back in the closet. She kicked some bright pink gym shoes out of her way as she crossed the room to her bed. She sat down, cross-legged, and patted the bed, “Sit.”  
I sank down onto the edge of the bed, unsure of what was coming next.   
She sighed audibly, heavily, like the weight of the moment was too much for her. She closed her eyes for a moment, “You know, Harley, I’m going to just say this to you one time and after this, I won’t talk about it again.”  
“I’m listening.”   
“Make up your goddamn mind. Do you hear me? Stop dicking around. You are 30 years old. You are way too old to be acting like this, constantly flip-flopping between different guys.”  
“I’m not-”  
“Let me finish. You are not a teenager. You are not the protagonist of a soap opera.”   
Feels like it sometimes.  
She went on, “You are a real person with real problems, and you have a child with this man. He loves you despite all of your flaws, and you refuse to accept that about him. I don’t get it. You dated Bruce Wayne for whatever stupid reasons you made up in your head that he would be right for you, but he wasn’t. Remember, you left him at the fucking altar. Whatever happened from there on out was always going to go downhill for the two of you. You were the epitome of doomed lovers. And yet you kept going back to him, hoping that something would be different. And it wasn’t, was it?”  
“No.” I said, very maturely pouting.   
“Yeah, I figured that. This time, he really fucked you over. He fucked over everyone you care about. I think it suffices to say you’re done with him.”   
“Yes.”  
“Good. Now focus on the person that actually wants to be with you. Accept him. Accept his love, Harley, or you will never move on. Ever since your stupid-ass college boyfriend fucked you over, you’ve been treating every guy like shit. News flash: everyone has a bad dating experience. You’re not a unique case. So what if he cheated on you? He’s a douchebag. But you never got over it. You kept harping on that same stupid guy and thinking that every man was going to be the same.”  
She wasn’t wrong. But how I could not? Rob was the first guy who ever showed me any attention, and I really believed that he loved me. Until he was cheating on me with my roommate.  
“I loved him.” I said, and I knew it was a weak argument.  
“Yes, well, I loved Jordan and look where it got me.” She snapped, “I almost died because of him! But this isn’t about me.”  
I wish it was.  
“Rob was a dick-hole that none of us liked. A political science major? Come on, Harleen. A blind man could see that that guy was full of shit. I know you were devastated, but that was…God, almost 9 years ago. Do you even know where he is now?”  
“No.” I said all too quickly.  
“I’m super convinced.” She said, rolling her eyes, “Really, though, where is he?”  
“He married my roommate 3 years after we graduated, and they have two kids, two boys. They live in Connecticut. He’s a congressman.” I said, “They seem happy.”   
“Yeah, I figured as much.” She shook her head, flopping back against the pillows, “So, he’s normal. He’s living his life without you. Is that what hurts the most?”   
“Yes.” I said quietly, “It wasn’t even that he cheated on me with her. It’s that she made him happier than I ever did.”  
“Again, happens to everyone.” Jesus, she was harsh sometimes, “Here’s my point. You have a man here who – even though he’s definitely not perfect or even really entirely sane – he loves you. He wants to take care of you. He truly, deeply loves you. You can’t throw that away.”   
“I’m not going to this time.” I said firmly.  
“I really hope you don’t. Because I like him. I think he’s a decent guy if you give him a chance. He’s had a rough life.”  
“Yeah, I know that.”   
The front door opened, and we both sat up.   
“So you understand me? You’ll do what I’ve asked?” she looked at me inquiringly.  
“Yes, I will try.”   
“That’s all I’m asking for.”   
“Maggie?” called Ryan from the staircase, “You guys up there?”  
“Yes, babe!” she bounded down the stairs, “You guys find a good suit?”  
I followed her, and saw the Joker standing there, bag from a department store in hand.   
“Successful venture?” I asked.  
“Yeah, I think so. You’ll see on Saturday.” He grinned.   
I looked him over for a moment, and realized that maybe I had been wrong. Maybe I had been selfish, too focused on my own insecurities. I did love him. And I was fine with that.


	17. Take Me to Church

Chapter 17: Take Me to Church

I was born sick, but I love it  
Command me to be well.  
Amen. Amen. Amen.  
Take me to church  
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife   
\- “Take Me to Church”, Hozier 

Maggie’s wedding day. Deep breaths. Have to walk down a church aisle with a bunch of people watching me and secretly hoping I’ll fall down and embarrass myself. Maybe I’m paranoid. But I’m not taking any chances.   
I don’t think I’ve stepped foot inside a church since Mom and Dad died. I was never much a churchgoer as a child; my mom was Greek Orthodox and my dad was raised Protestant but neither of them ever gave much thought to religion. I understood God and Jesus and all that but it was never something that brought me any sort of comfort. Not even when they died. I always found churches to be cold and a bit unfeeling.   
But this town was all about that Jesus stuff, I’ll tell you. At Maggie’s rehearsal dinner Ryan’s parents were saying grace and I felt super awkward but obviously so did Maggie. We were never raised with that mentality. She wanted to appreciate Ryan’s lifestyle and he compromised by not making her go to church every Sunday with his parents. I’m sure that was a blessing. His parents seemed very nice but his mom was overbearing. She kept showering Ryan with compliments about what a wonderful son he was and what a great father he was going to become. Ryan only had one sister but she was married and constantly pregnant, so I’m sure she was happy to have some new feminine energy around. Maggie seemed to like her enough, and that was because she loved Ryan. I guess I’m weirdly lucky that I don’t have to deal with in-laws or anything. I said that to him at the table while we were eating the salad course.  
“You wouldn’t want to have met my mother.” The Joker had said, shrugging, “She was a weak-willed person with no interests of her own. My father is rotting in hell, so you know how I feel about it. I think my mother would have liked you, though.”  
“Did she like your wife?” I asked.  
He flinched, “Wow, um…I don’t know. I haven’t thought about her in so long. I don’t really remember. Probably. She didn’t want me to get married so young, but she never had much influence over what I did.”  
“Were you there when your mother died?”   
“Regrettably, no.” he said, feeding Olivia some mashed peas, “She died in the hospital. I found out after the fact that she had been sick. Kidney failure. I paid for the whole funeral, but I wasn’t there. I was already a wanted criminal so I couldn’t show my face. I sent one of my associates to make sure everything was going as planned.”   
“That had to have been so awful for you. When did she pass away?”   
He shifted uncomfortably, “Well, she died not that long ago, actually. It was when you were engaged to Bruce.”   
My forkful of lettuce halted on the way to my mouth, “What?”  
“Yeah.” He said simply.  
“Are you kidding?” I had to hush my voice because I remembered we were at a social gathering.  
“No, I am not kidding. I wouldn’t joke about my mother dying.”  
“So, you mean to tell me that your mother has been alive since we met, and I never even got to talk to her, to meet her?” I felt incredibly sad at that moment. I never even pictured her to have parents or a family, let alone ones that were alive and well when I knew him.   
“I wasn’t exactly speaking to her then. I hadn’t talked to her in quite a while until I was admitted to Arkham. She was at my arraignment. I didn’t know she was there but she came. I think she recognized me from the news photos. I guess a woman will never forget her child’s face.”  
I was speechless.   
He continued, “Anyway, she visited me at the police station and I told her about everything that had gone on in the past few years after my father died. That was when she told me she had kidney failure and that she wasn’t sure how long she was going to make it.”   
I grabbed his hand, “How did you react?”  
“I mean, I was stunned. I felt terrible that I hadn’t been there for her. She thought I was dead for a while, to be honest. But I couldn’t risk talking to her. My enemies would have found her in a second. I guess it was just very bad timing.”  
“Did she ever visit you at Arkham?”   
“Once. A few weeks after I first met you.”   
I felt a shock to my system. I remember that. I remember a middle-aged woman asking to see him at the front desk. I really wished I could remember more than that; maybe she had darker hair, short, average height and weight. Just a normal-looking woman. I had vaguely wondered why this woman was coming to see him. Now it all made sense.   
“Did you tell her about me?”   
“Yes, I did, actually.” He said, looking surprised that I asked, “I told her that my psychiatrist was a very beautiful woman.”  
I flushed in spite of myself, “And what did she say?”  
“She said that she thought I should go for it. That I shouldn’t let my situation hinder me from being somewhat happy. Maybe it was her terminal illness talking, but I did do that, didn’t I?”  
I had to smile at that, “Yeah, you did.” I looked down at our daughter and felt a little bit out of my body. I had a child with this man. A few years ago he was in a straightjacket in a cell. But let’s focus on the present, shall we?  
“Why didn’t you tell me she had died?” I gestured for him to give me Olivia, and I settled her in my lap. She cooed happily and shook her chunky little arms and I grasped her wrists to keep her from falling off my lap from the sheer vehemence of her arm shaking. She was going to be rather active, this one.  
“It wasn’t necessary to tell you. You didn’t even know she existed.”   
“I wish I had.”  
“I guess I thought I’d told you before.”   
“Uh, no, dude, you kinda just told me about your past like less than a year ago. Your mother dying was distinctly before that.”  
“You were with Bruce. You were pissed at me. You wouldn’t have listened to me anyway.” He shrugged, “It’s honestly not even a big deal, babe.”  
“Your mother dying is a big deal.” I said firmly, “Where is she buried? Before we go to Europe, we are going to her grave and putting flowers or something on it. Have you been there since she passed away?”  
“No.”   
“That’s what I thought. And while we’re at it, flowers on my parents’ graves too. Let’s be good people for once.” I said, feeling refreshed and generous.  
He grinned at me, “You are way too good for me.”  
“I know.” I said.  
…  
And here we were at the back of the church. The music (Pachelbel’s Canon of course) was playing as the bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the aisle. Ryan was standing there, waiting eagerly for Maggie to walk down to him. It was all rather adorable.   
I stood next to her in my taffeta and silk, never-gonna-keep-it bridesmaid dress, holding her elbow in one hand and my bouquet of pink and white flowers in the other. The Joker was sitting at the very back of the church, holding Olivia in his lap, helping her wave her one arm at me. He pointed and mouthed, ‘Look, there’s Mommy.’   
Mommy. Mommy. Wow. That is not a name I will ever get used to.  
Maggie was basically sweating, a pink sheen on her face. It was a bit unseasonably warm for May, and the church’s air conditioning was subpar. I was walking her down the aisle because, oh, you know, our parents were dead and the guy who inadvertently killed them was there with our child. Super normal.   
“Are you ok?” I squeezed her forearm.  
“Yeah, yeah,” she said quickly, “Do I look ok?”  
“You’re gorgeous. Stop worrying.” She did look beautiful. Her brown hair was pulled back into a half-ponytail and curled at the bottom, her antique veil (borrowed from Ryan’s mom) tucked into the strands. Her makeup was flawless and she was glowing. Her dress – a mermaid-style pure white dress with some beading – fit her perfectly.   
She’d been asking this all morning and I had told her the same thing every goddamn time, that she was gorgeous and to stop worrying. She was being paranoid. I get it. Been through two wedding days. Wow, that’s embarrassing. Then, suddenly I realized something.  
“Oh my god, you think he’s going to fuck this up?” I whispered harshly.  
She turned sharply, “No swearing in church!”  
“No, don’t shove me off like that. It’s going to be fine. He promised no shenanigans. It’s only my weddings he will screw up.”   
She gave me a dead-pan glare, “Harleen…”   
“I promise. Everything will be fantastic and beautiful. Let’s walk down that fu- I mean, that very nice aisle right there.” I steered her toward the red velvety runner on the floor.   
The music lifted as we stepped into the entryway. Everyone stood up and was watching my sister so fondly, so lovingly that it almost made me burst into tears because I’m an emotional disaster. I just focused on the aisle in front of me, and saw Ryan’s face. He was a bit pink around the cheeks, and his eyes looked a little glossy. I had to wipe at the corner of my eye briefly to keep myself in check. Keep it together. My sister was grinning from ear to ear as we stepped up onto the riser where the altar was. I pushed back her veil and took her bouquet as she took Ryan’s hands. I quickly smoothed out the small train behind her dress for the impending photographer. Her other bridesmaids were all smiling and tearing up, and I vowed that I would hold it together just for that reason. I would not look like a simpering fool.  
Ryan and Maggie said their vows and both were choked up; they put the rings on their fingers, and that was that. They were now a married couple. My little sister was a married woman. Everyone cheered as he dipped her in a romantic movie style kiss, and the photographer took a ton of pictures and almost blinded me.   
The next couple hours were like a blur. We took a shitload of cutesy bridal party photos and they were all outside and I was sweating like a bitch. Blargh. Thankfully the focus was on the couple, so we could get a bit of a break. The Joker was standing by with Olivia, laughing at my misery. I limped over to him – high heels are so lame – and leaned against his arm.   
“You doing ok there, Princess?” he asked.  
I glared at him.  
“I love the nickname. I’m not getting rid of it. Sorry I’m not sorry.” He added when I didn’t respond.  
“Whatever. I’m too tired to argue.”   
“This is a landmark day.” He declared triumphantly, “The day that Harleen Quinzel has nothing snarky to say!”   
“Shush.” I said, putting a hand over his mouth, “We are in public. My name means nothing here.”  
“Yeah, yeah,” he said dismissively.  
“Ugh, this day needs to be over.” I whined, “I hate my shoes and my dress and it’s hot out. And there are no goddamn trees here. Because it’s middle of nowhere Nebraska, population 100.”   
“Tell me about it.” He looked around, “I mean, this is a nice cornfield and all, but I had higher hopes.”  
“Honey, you don’t even know the half of it. I always thought my sister would get married in a garden with a wreath of flowers on her head or something. This is so not what I pictured for her. I mean, life isn’t what you picture it in general.”  
“You mean you didn’t dream about ending up with a world-renowned fugitive?” the Joker feigned offense.  
I rolled my eyes, “You know, wasn’t doodling ‘Harley + Joker’ in my diary at 13.”  
“Can’t imagine why.”   
I smiled, “You know, I love you.”  
He almost dropped our daughter, he was so shocked, “You mean that?”  
“I only say it when I do. You know that.”   
“Well, as always, I love you too.” We kissed briefly, and Maggie screamed, “AWWW” across the field at us. I flipped her off, and one of her bridesmaids gasped. I hate this town.   
We finished taking pictures and then headed off to the reception. It was about an hour away to the hotel. I was starving to fucking death so mostly I wanted to shove my face in some appetizers. I told Mr. J that he had better save me some of the good stuff or he was dead to me.   
It came to the moment where I had to do my maid of honor speech. They handed me the microphone and I cleared my throat. I was never much good at public speaking but I just had to pretend that no one was listening to me anyway.  
“Well, here we are.” A few scattered chuckles came from the crowd, so I felt a little more courage, “My little sister is getting married. Well, she’s actually married, they did the whole kiss and everything.”  
I glanced at my sister who was shaking her head from embarrassment at my awkwardness, “Those of you who don’t know our family very well, we have been through some serious hardships in our life. Our mother got diagnosed with cancer when we were very young – Maggie just a toddler – and we thought we were going to lose her. Thankfully, we didn’t at that moment. We never took for granted her being there for us. But as you can see, our mother and our father aren’t here today. They died on my wedding day a little over 3 years ago.”  
Some people in the crowd were covering their mouths, surprised or some other emotion.  
“Maggie and I had to start over then. She came here to Nebraska, I stayed in New York. We both pursued our dreams, and we both found love. It wasn’t easy on either end. I had to fly all over the world to find my inner peace. Maggie found it right here, with Ryan. Obviously more of you here know Ryan and you love him. It’s easy to love him. He’s kind and generous and cares incredibly deep for my sister, and I’ll never be able to thank him enough for that. He gave Maggie back her spirit. I knew when I met him that he would be the best brother-in-law one could ever have.” I turned to them, fighting back my tears, “You guys are truly an example of what love can do for a person. I am so happy for you both. Ryan, you better take damn good care of my sister, or I’ll hunt you down.”  
Everyone laughed, and the sad silence was broken.  
“Let’s toast Maggie and Ryan!” I shouted, and everyone’s glasses clinked in cacophony. Maggie and Ryan kissed. Maggie looked at me, tears fresh in her eyes, and mouthed, ‘Thank you’.  
I smiled at her and made my way back to my seat next to her, basically gulping my glass of champagne.  
“Slow down, champ.” Ryan teased, “The night is just beginning.”  
“That’s why I’m drinking.” I said, dead-pan.  
They both laughed and then looked up because Ryan’s best man – his brother – was giving his heartfelt and funny speech about being brothers and playing football or something. I have to admit I wasn’t paying a whole lot of attention. I was just glad my moment in the spotlight was over. After the speeches and toasts, they brought out the meal (a soup, chicken and mashed potatoes and vegetables) and I devoured it wholeheartedly. I’d really only had a granola bar and some coffee all day. The Joker had given me some fruit snacks while we were taking pictures, but that wasn’t exactly a meal.   
As I finished my food, I glanced around the room. Everyone was talking and laughing and enjoying themselves. My boyfriend, along with my daughter, were sitting in one of the middle tables with some of Ryan’s cousins who were around our age. I was surprised to see that he was talking animatedly with the people at the table and one of Ryan’s girl cousins (I couldn’t remember her name for the life of me) was cooing and playing with Olivia’s hands. It was so normal I wanted to vomit. Or maybe I drank too much champagne too quickly on an empty stomach. Who knows.  
It made me think, to be honest. Was this what we could be? Normal? The whole idea still made me anxious. I was accustomed to being on the run, worrying day and night about whether or not this whole relationship was going to blow sky high. I had spent a couple years reading magazines and books because all we could get were scrambled TV channels and pirated basic cable, trying to be on the down low. Living in Italy had made me realize that we could live like real people and have a real relationship that wasn’t founded on fear and intimidation. Weird concept. And a little emotional abuse thrown in there, too. I’m messed up, I know.   
Before I knew it, Maggie was doing the bouquet toss, which I promptly avoided like the plague. One of Ryan’s friends caught it and she showed it triumphantly to her boyfriend, who looked a little bit excited and a little bit pale at the same time. The DJ played some decent music, a good mix of 90’s and 2000’s pop music – Maggie – and some current country – Ryan. Everyone was dancing and having a great time. Even I slow-danced with Mr. J and my daughter a couple times.   
The night was winding down. The older people and couples with young children started leaving. Maggie and Ryan were both pretty buzzed bordering on tipsy and also extremely tired. I was sitting at one of the front tables with the Joker and Olivia, and Maggie put her head on my shoulder, “I am done. I think I’ve had enough of celebrating my love today.”   
“Agreed.” Ryan groaned, “My aunt and uncle are way too drunk and won’t leave.”  
“I can take care of that.” My boyfriend said.  
“Ah, no that’s ok.” Ryan said quickly, and disappeared to start helping people from his family disperse.   
Maggie laughed, “My husband, everyone.” She halted, “Husband. Husband.”  
“Did your brain malfunction?” I asked, bemused.  
“No, I’m just trying to get used to that word. Husband. I like it.”   
“Yeah, I bet.” I chuckled.   
She went to find Ryan, and I turned to the Joker, “Ready to turn in soon?” I glanced down at our daughter, who was passed out in his lap, “I think she’s made her choice.”  
“Oh, yes.” He smiled, and stood up slowly, gingerly as not to wake her, “I’m going up to our room. I’ll get Liv settled. Just meet me up there when you’re done cleaning up and everything.”  
“Ok, thanks.” I said, giving him a swift kiss before he made his exit.   
I helped push in all the chairs and talked to any lingering relations. Maggie and Ryan made their way out to the hotel entrance to get their limo. They were going back to their house for the night and then driving to St. Louis for a long weekend. Some of Ryan’s college friends lived there or something. I don’t remember. Again, didn’t pay a lot of attention. I never said I was perfect.  
Maggie embraced me, “Thank you for everything.”  
Ryan added, “Yeah, seriously. We are so happy that you were able to be here.”   
“I wouldn’t have missed it. You know that. You’re my only family.” I shrugged, trying not to cry all over again.   
“What are you guys going to do now?” Maggie inquired.  
“We’re going to stay the night here and then get to the airport. Gotta catch a connecting flight to New York, and then London-Heathrow after that.” I said, “Going to be a long road.”  
“I mean, have you guys even picked a place to live yet? What will you do when you get there?”   
“We’ll stay in a hotel for a little bit and then attempting to find a flat in Hyde Park, probably near Kensington Gardens. It’s gorgeous over there and not far from the underground.” I sounded so very British. I had been to London before for like a week because my college ex, Rob, studied there for a semester. I was getting used to the idea already. I was ready for a change.   
“Well, you’d better keep me updated.” She insisted, and Ryan nodded.  
“You guys can come visit us whenever you want. We’ll give you money for plane tickets.”  
“Not necessary.” Ryan shook his head, “You’re already paying for our honeymoon.”  
“Alright, fine.” I sighed, “The offer stands. Free lodging, though.”  
“We’ll take that.” Maggie said.   
“Ok, good.” I hugged them both again, “Have fun in St. Louis.”  
“We will.” She looked at me lingeringly.   
“Go.” I nudged her, “Be with your husband.”  
“Alright, alright.” She took Ryan’s arm and they got into the limo. They both waved as the limo pulled away.   
I went to the elevator and as soon as the doors closed, I kicked off my high heels. I was so over it. It was getting close to midnight – I’m old, fuck it – and I was ready for bed. I got off on our floor and walked down the hallway to our room. I swiped the little key card and the door clicked as I opened it. I entered the room to find it completely dark other than a few candles lit on the nightstand and on the TV cabinet in the center of the room. I blinked to adjust my eyes.   
I opened my mouth to call for him, and then I saw him. He was kneeling down on the floor, with a box in his hand.   
You’ve got be fucking kidding me. No, no, no, no, no.   
“Will you marry me?” 

When you fall, I’ll take my turn  
And fan the flames as your blazes burn  
We can’t wait  
To burn it to the ground. 

THE END


End file.
